Re: Thanks for all of your support

November 30, 2007

>Also, for those of you who are in or have been in therapy,

> would you recommend just a " counselor " or a psychiatrist? The guy I

> mentioned is a psychiatrist. My thinking is that a psychiatrist might

> have more training in personality disorders than a counselor would,

> but I'm not sure. Can you lend some advice?

I would recommend a counselor over a psychiatrist, unless you think

you may be in need of medication. Remember, you're not the one with

the mental illness. A psychiatrist is trained to diagnose and treat

mental illness. A counselor is trained, well, to counsel people, and

it sounds like that may be what you're looking for.

November 30, 2007

Hi ,

If you go in and see a therapist and that therapist tells you it's all your

fault, then you need

to go find a new therapist. When you're getting help, you need to find someone

who can

help you (and a good therapist would never say that it's all your fault even if

it was

because that doesn't help you in coping with the situation). It's important to

find a good

fit for you and your personality, this might not happen right off the bat with

the first

person you talk to. Don't feel bad about it though, just look for someone who

can be

more helpful for you at this stage in your life!

is

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> Just wanted to say thanks for all of the support, advice, and

> encouragement you all have offered over the last several months,

> particularly this past week. It finally hit me last night that the

> reason that email hurt so much was because, deep down, I was still

> hanging on to hope that nada would see her evil ways and be sorry and

> change. My mind has known for awhile now that this just is not

> possible, but I guess that's what it took for my heart and soul to

> finally accept it.

>

> Strangely, I am more excited about decorating for Christmas and

> Christmas itself this year than I have ever been. I think it may be

> because I don't have ANY guilt about not going to see them like she

> always laid on thick this time of year. Ahhhhhh.....

>

> I haven't seen a therapist once through all of this, and I'm still on

> the fence about whether or not I want to go, but I'm seriously

> contemplating it. I think I may need some help and guidance in

> learning to deal with the pain and let it go, rather than " dealing "

> with it and then tucking it away to raise its ugly head again in a few

> years. I'm so nervous about going to a therapist though. I called one

> here in my local area, and asked if he had treated patients with BPD,

> and his assistant said " most certainly " . So I think that's a good

> sign. I've tried to find one that specializes in it, but there's not

> one, so I think this guy might be my best bet. However, I'm terrified

> that I'm going to go in there, tell him my story, and he'll tell me

> it's my fault that things are the way they are. I know that's not

> true, but hearing it from a doctor who treats patients that have it

> would just bring on all these doubts about myself, I'm afraid. Any

> advice? Also, for those of you who are in or have been in therapy,

> would you recommend just a " counselor " or a psychiatrist? The guy I

> mentioned is a psychiatrist. My thinking is that a psychiatrist might

> have more training in personality disorders than a counselor would,

> but I'm not sure. Can you lend some advice?

>

> Thanks, I'm making place mats today. lol

>

November 30, 2007

Hey --

I've got a GREAT therapist and she's not a psychiatrist. The

training isn't necessarily what makes them great. I think it's

chemistry, and if the person has an instinct, in addition to the

education, for what they're doing.

I've had a couple of therapists where I didn't feel any " chemistry "

with them -- and I've had two therapists that I just felt

comfortable from the moment I sat down.

I've worked for a psychiatrist who was nuttier than his patients --

he LOVED to keep them waiting over an hour, and loved to load up

the " services " to get a big hunk of money from their insurance

before they wised up that he was completely inconsiderate and

stopped coming. I didn't last 6 weeks there, I was so disgusted

with him.

That doesn't mean all psychiatrists are bad, either! But, if you

have done this largely on your own, then you probably don't need

medication, and there's no need for a psychiatrist necessarily.

Just a good person you feel comfortable with.

My therapist has never used the term BPD -- EVER, in the 15 years

I've been going there. Perhaps she does that on purpose, but

there's no doubt she knows her " stuff " . She told me years ago that

my dad was narcissistic, that my parents were selfish. Whether you

call it that, or BPD, the effects on me were the same, and she did

her job well and has helped me heal. She's also very up to date on

medications, dosages, ADD, etc. So, if she thinks you need a

referral to a psychiatrist for medication, she refers you. (I've

seen her do that during group therapy with the other group members)

Speaking of group therapy, THAT has been the most helpful with me

lately. It's kind of like sitting with a group of people like the

members of THIS online group. You quickly realize that you're not

alone, and that other people are wrestling with -- shall we say --

" non-nurturing " parents (to put it kindly!). It's about a third of

the price of the individual sessions, too.

So, if you find a good counselor, THEY can determine if you need a

psychiatrist. I don't think you do.

What you're looking for first and foremost is YOUR comfort level

with them so that you feel free to share what's going on and who you

are.

-Kyla

November 30, 2007

,I'm glad to see you're doing ok this morning! I think your

idea about seeing some kind of therapist is a good one,for precisely

the reasons you stated: to help you work through the pain NOW.

As for what kind of therapist you might see,I think that the most

important consideration is finding a good fit and finding someone who

has experience with clients who have had to deal with the family

dynamics you're dealing with.It's always good to ask lots of

questions when you go in for an initial consultation.That's the best

way to determine how comfortable you feel about working with that

particular therapist and it will give you a clearer idea as to

whether or not you feel that your concerns will be understood.A good

therapist won't dismiss any question you ask about how they would

approach helping you to work through your " issues " --if being " blamed "

somehow for what has happened with your parents is troubling you very

much,I would mention this as a concern during the consultation.(Note:

None of this is your fault,though,NONE of it!) A decent therapist

won't take that personally--their job is to be an

objective,compassionate guide and your job is to be honest so that

they can best assist you.

I'd recommend that you consult with more than one therapist to give

yourself a better idea of what is available to you in your area.Maybe

broaden your scope a bit to include consulting with people who have

experience treating PTSD and trauma/family dysfunction in addition to

ones who have treated BPD.Go with your gut-I think it matters less

what kind of therapist you see (psychiatrist,psychologist,social

worker/counselor) than it is to find the person you have the best

rapport with and whose style best matches what you need.Some

therapists are " active listeners " who chime in with feedback and some

are " reflective listeners " who wait for you to wrap up your thoughts

before they respond.For example,some people need an active listener

to feel heard and validated and some need a reflective listener or

else they tend to loose their train of thought and feel sidetracked

by feedback that comes at them too quickly.I'm in the latter

category: active listeners make me really nervous when I'm trying to

sound out something that is emotionally intense for me! I need

someone laid back and calm to help me feel safe when I'm revealing

my " inner world " .It helps alot to know what kind of style you feel

most comfortable with and if you have any misgivings during the

consultation,take them seriously and give yourself time to decide how

important they are to you and how much they might impact on the

course of your therapy before you commit to working with a particular

therapist.If you feel misunderstood and the therapist doesn't seem

to " follow " you when you try to explain why,make a note of it and

keep looking for someone who " gets " you.You have a right to feel

supported and safe with your therapist! They are like anyone else in

the sense that all of us just " click " with some people and not with

others.

All the best to you as you begin your healing

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> Just wanted to say thanks for all of the support, advice, and

> encouragement you all have offered over the last several months,

> particularly this past week. It finally hit me last night that the

> reason that email hurt so much was because, deep down, I was still

> hanging on to hope that nada would see her evil ways and be sorry

and

> change. My mind has known for awhile now that this just is not

> possible, but I guess that's what it took for my heart and soul to

> finally accept it.

>

November 30, 2007

,

You made it through to see another day!!! Your mothers " deadline "

cracked my husband up last night. He is so glad that you are

hanging in there and stickin to your guns. He is also glad that you

are here, and we are all here for each other. He worries about

me ;0)

I think you are on the right track with the therapist/counselor. I

had been seeing a therapist but she moved to Hawaii, but who could

blame her for that!!! Her husband has been NC with his family,

and received a copy of his parents will in the mail......they left

him with 10 dollars. REALLY NICE!!! Not sure if it was ethical for

her to share this with me but it sure made me feel better;0) She

was great, and gave great feed back, like hangin out with one of you

KO's. If you have insurance, then I would wait till January, so you

can meet your deductible, and have it good to go for your " New "

year.

I am excited too about Christmas......I have gotten rid of crap she

has given me......and because she collected my ornaments for me

since I was a kid......I am buying all new ones this year. No more

obligations with those damn ornaments!!! Out with the old.....and

in with the new!!!

Have fun with those placemats......hehehe

drlingirl

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> Just wanted to say thanks for all of the support, advice, and

> encouragement you all have offered over the last several months,

> particularly this past week. It finally hit me last night that the

> reason that email hurt so much was because, deep down, I was still

> hanging on to hope that nada would see her evil ways and be sorry

and

> change. My mind has known for awhile now that this just is not

> possible, but I guess that's what it took for my heart and soul to

> finally accept it.

>

> Strangely, I am more excited about decorating for Christmas and

> Christmas itself this year than I have ever been. I think it may be

> because I don't have ANY guilt about not going to see them like she

> always laid on thick this time of year. Ahhhhhh.....

>

> I haven't seen a therapist once through all of this, and I'm still

on

> the fence about whether or not I want to go, but I'm seriously

> contemplating it. I think I may need some help and guidance in

> learning to deal with the pain and let it go, rather than " dealing "

> with it and then tucking it away to raise its ugly head again in a

few

> years. I'm so nervous about going to a therapist though. I called

one

> here in my local area, and asked if he had treated patients with

BPD,

> and his assistant said " most certainly " . So I think that's a good

> sign. I've tried to find one that specializes in it, but there's

not

> one, so I think this guy might be my best bet. However, I'm

terrified

> that I'm going to go in there, tell him my story, and he'll tell me

> it's my fault that things are the way they are. I know that's not

> true, but hearing it from a doctor who treats patients that have it

> would just bring on all these doubts about myself, I'm afraid. Any

> advice? Also, for those of you who are in or have been in therapy,

> would you recommend just a " counselor " or a psychiatrist? The guy I

> mentioned is a psychiatrist. My thinking is that a psychiatrist

might

> have more training in personality disorders than a counselor would,

> but I'm not sure. Can you lend some advice?

>

> Thanks, I'm making place mats today. lol

>

November 30, 2007

,

I have always had better luck with a therapist rather than a psychiatrist, but

in my area I

think the psychiatrists just want to prescribe meds rather than do talk therapy.

Just keep

in mind that if you don't like one, you can just move on to another, I have been

really lucky

to have found a good one on my third try and have been with her for 3 years on

and off.

She also tells me stories of her BPD ex husband, I find it really helpful to be

talking to

someone who really knows what it means to be in a relationship with a BPD, or

has treated

it in the past.

Good Luck

L

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > Just wanted to say thanks for all of the support, advice, and

> > encouragement you all have offered over the last several months,

> > particularly this past week. It finally hit me last night that the

> > reason that email hurt so much was because, deep down, I was still

> > hanging on to hope that nada would see her evil ways and be sorry

> and

> > change. My mind has known for awhile now that this just is not

> > possible, but I guess that's what it took for my heart and soul to

> > finally accept it.

> >

> > Strangely, I am more excited about decorating for Christmas and

> > Christmas itself this year than I have ever been. I think it may be

> > because I don't have ANY guilt about not going to see them like she

> > always laid on thick this time of year. Ahhhhhh.....

> >

> > I haven't seen a therapist once through all of this, and I'm still

> on

> > the fence about whether or not I want to go, but I'm seriously

> > contemplating it. I think I may need some help and guidance in

> > learning to deal with the pain and let it go, rather than " dealing "

> > with it and then tucking it away to raise its ugly head again in a

> few

> > years. I'm so nervous about going to a therapist though. I called

> one

> > here in my local area, and asked if he had treated patients with

> BPD,

> > and his assistant said " most certainly " . So I think that's a good

> > sign. I've tried to find one that specializes in it, but there's

> not

> > one, so I think this guy might be my best bet. However, I'm

> terrified

> > that I'm going to go in there, tell him my story, and he'll tell me

> > it's my fault that things are the way they are. I know that's not

> > true, but hearing it from a doctor who treats patients that have it

> > would just bring on all these doubts about myself, I'm afraid. Any

> > advice? Also, for those of you who are in or have been in therapy,

> > would you recommend just a " counselor " or a psychiatrist? The guy I

> > mentioned is a psychiatrist. My thinking is that a psychiatrist

> might

> > have more training in personality disorders than a counselor would,

> > but I'm not sure. Can you lend some advice?

> >

> > Thanks, I'm making place mats today. lol

> >

>

November 30, 2007

>

> I'm so nervous about going to a therapist though. I called one