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A bit ago I wrote about not knowing " Who and What I Am " ... after

mulling this over with great intent (not something I ususally take

the time to do but therapy has forced me there willingly)... I

realize it's not that I DON'T KNOW... I know perfectly well what is

at my core... it's just that Nada has never liked it. I think I've

been searching for a " me " that she would like. A " me " that she

would - TOTALLY AND ABSOLUTELY - love, trust, adore, respect,

validate, support, etc... in otherwords... I've been trying to

adjust myself to HER standards to receive the " unconditional love "

we've all heard about. Ironic.

I know who I am when with friends, my SO, my son... I know who I am

when I'm working, with school-mates, my step-dad. It's just around

her, or when I'm 'with' her in any real & tangible or distant

but 'there' place that it all goes away as I am constantly trying to

shift what I am to get a positive and supportive feedback from her.

NO WONDER I'M EXHAUSTED AROUND HER...

So. Today I stop.

Lynnette - She can like me or she cannot... her choice. The buck

stops here.

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