Re: The Explosion was Today

[Guest guest]

Aren't kids amazing April,

About week 2 of NC with nada, she called my kids to wish them a good

first week of school (which was funny to them since she never calls

them normally, no kidding!!!) After each of the boys got off the

phone, my nine year old said to me..... " you know mom, your mom is

just trying to impress you " .

Funny because what he said was right. But, it also made me realize

that my kids know more than they should. That or they are just

really, really smart.

I would like to think it was the latter ;0)

drlingirl

> > >

> > > I got a half-hearted, last minute invite from dad last night

> > > regarding thanksgiving. I wrote back a short note that we had

> > made

> > > plans with my sister in law.....

> > >

> > > Remember how I said I felt an explosion brewing? Well, it

came

> > this

> > > morning from my dad in a reply e-mail (the " 4th year " comment

is

> > an

> > > insult to my husband's family, they like us to ALL get

together

> > > every 4th year for Christmas). Keep in mind my mother hasn't

> > called

> > > me in many, many months....and he knows it:

> > >

> > > " Well, don't worry about it, we didn't expect to see you

anyway

> > > during the holidays, thought it might be the 4th year again

that

> > > seems to come every year. You know you could have called your

> own

> > > family in advance to check on who's doing what but I suppose

> that

> > > would be too much trouble, being the way things are.

> > >

> > > I seem to remember a commandment in the old testament that

> covers

> > > children's respect of parents but maybe in your new religion

and

> > > bible studies they eliminated that one. Well whatever blows

> your

> > > skirt up.

> > > I can only say you're setting a horrible example for your

> children

> > > on how they should respect their parents and I only hope they

> > don't

> > > follow in your footsteps in that regard. I thought we raised

> you

> > > better than that but I guess we blew that too.

> > >

> > > I worried for a few hours before responding to your email, not

> > > wanting things to get worse than they are but i'm tired of

> people,

> > > including you, that shit on your mother and me, and don't

intend

> > to

> > > take it any more from anyone, and since we no longer have a

> > > relationship what difference does it make. All we ever did to

> you

> > > is love you and try to bring you up the best we could, I

suppose

> > we

> > > failed at something along the way. If your mother or I did

> > > something that pissed you off all I can say is " too fuckin

> bad " .

> > >

> > > Don't bother to respond, i'll just delete it "

> > >

> > > [end]

> > >

> > > Any thoughts, anyone?

> > >

> > > -Kyla

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Drlingirl,

Your son nailed it! I'm sure she WAS trying to impress you. It

amazes me how he could see that at the age of 9.

Maybe your son and my nephew are just used to seeing people clearly,

without being confused by conflicting messages about whether

something was kind/unkind, hurtful/loving, giving/selfish,

maternal/nadaish etc.

-April

> > > >

> > > > I got a half-hearted, last minute invite from dad last night

> > > > regarding thanksgiving. I wrote back a short note that we

had

> > > made

> > > > plans with my sister in law.....

> > > >

> > > > Remember how I said I felt an explosion brewing? Well, it

> came

> > > this

> > > > morning from my dad in a reply e-mail (the " 4th year "

comment

> is

> > > an

> > > > insult to my husband's family, they like us to ALL get

> together

> > > > every 4th year for Christmas). Keep in mind my mother

hasn't

> > > called

> > > > me in many, many months....and he knows it:

> > > >

> > > > " Well, don't worry about it, we didn't expect to see you

> anyway

> > > > during the holidays, thought it might be the 4th year again

> that

> > > > seems to come every year. You know you could have called

your

> > own

> > > > family in advance to check on who's doing what but I suppose

> > that

> > > > would be too much trouble, being the way things are.

> > > >

> > > > I seem to remember a commandment in the old testament that

> > covers

> > > > children's respect of parents but maybe in your new religion

> and

> > > > bible studies they eliminated that one. Well whatever blows

> > your

> > > > skirt up.

> > > > I can only say you're setting a horrible example for your

> > children

> > > > on how they should respect their parents and I only hope

they

> > > don't

> > > > follow in your footsteps in that regard. I thought we

raised

> > you

> > > > better than that but I guess we blew that too.

> > > >

> > > > I worried for a few hours before responding to your email,

not

> > > > wanting things to get worse than they are but i'm tired of

> > people,

> > > > including you, that shit on your mother and me, and don't

> intend

> > > to

> > > > take it any more from anyone, and since we no longer have a

> > > > relationship what difference does it make. All we ever did

to

> > you

> > > > is love you and try to bring you up the best we could, I

> suppose

> > > we

> > > > failed at something along the way. If your mother or I did

> > > > something that pissed you off all I can say is " too fuckin

> > bad " .

> > > >

> > > > Don't bother to respond, i'll just delete it "

> > > >

> > > > [end]

> > > >

> > > > Any thoughts, anyone?

> > > >

> > > > -Kyla

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Kyla,reading this post of yours has helped me to understand what must

be the origins of my own fada's misbehavior/dysfunction in a way that

is suddenly very clear to me.There was something eerily familiar

about your own fada's " tone " and " voice " -the whole " mood " of your

fada,but it didn't make sense WHY until I read this post.

You wrote: " Makes you wonder who Dad is REALLY talking to... " I can

see now who my fada is talking to and how and why.I can see now why

he behaves as he does.I don't want to bore you with an exposition of

my fada's psychopathology,but I think I can " decode " what your father

is doing.And I think you're putting yourself in a very good place

when you state: " I'm through being bullied. " That is the crux of

this.You're disengaging from what isn't YOUR drama.You are completely

entitled to live your life free from a problem you didn't create,one

that indeed existed before you were even born.

I hope I can explain this in a way that makes sense.I need to be

honest if I'm going to try to explain this at all and I hope that's

ok.I think that both of our fadas are narcissists in the pathological

sense and when I view it from that angle (not having wanted to fully

accept that this is my fada's problem),the things my fada has

done/said and the things your fada said in that e-mail actually make

some sense,although it's pathological " sense " .

You wrote that perhaps your fada was talking to his own father and

then said he's always had sneering contempt for your father in

law.Are you making a connection between your fada's view of his own

father and the way he treats your father in law? That could very well

be the case,if that's what you meant,but I want to point out that

the " sneering contempt " of narcissists is usually due to extreme envy

and jealousy.You said that your father in law is a very nice MAN and

from your description of him and how he has been decent to you,that's

exactly what he sounds like,a grown man,an adult.Our fadas aren't

fully developed adults and on some level of their consciousness (and

I don't know what that is),they know this.Your father in law sounds

like everything your fada is not-and your fada hates him for it.He

envies him and is jealous of him but the narcissist's game is to

disguise the true nature of their feelings with contempt and sarcasm

and apparent indifference.They disguise the true nature of their

feelings even from themselves out of a horror of their own

vulnerabilities-the one thing the narcissist can't abide is their own

true reflection.Even the original Narcissus was doomed for eternity

to gaze upon his own reflection in the water; I think the reason why

the myth was told that way isn't because there weren't any mirrors

for the gods to put in his hands,but because nothing reflects

accurately or truthfully on the surface of water.That's the real doom

of his fate-not the eternal gazing!

Anyway,I had noticed the echo of some early childhood drama in your

father's e-mail to you but it wasn't until I read this post where you

quoted him saying, " Well,you just tell them you have to GO and you

come over here.FUCK THEM! " that I said to myself,Oh my god.I think

it's also telling that your reaction was to go into the BATHROOM and

cry your eyes out.For reasons that I hope will be clear in a

moment.Your father is actually telling us the story of how he became

this abusive,narcissistic individual.Not that he is remotely aware

that this is what's he doing,but I know that it helps me enormously

to detach from my own fada's drama if I see that its source has

nothing at all to do with me even though he appears to be directing

whatever particular invective at me.I hope it might help you too,to

understand the dynamics of what he's really doing,to detach yourself

further from it.

I've read that the genesis of pathological narcissism occurs in the

early childhood environment.Little children of course feel everything

much much more intensely than adults and what might seem like an

everyday inconsequential non-event to us can feel like a major life

changing cataclysm to them.With " good enough " parenting,they learn

how to regulate these intense feelings and perceptions.Part of that

emotional regulation is going successfully enough through the

developmental stage of " individuation " ,where the child becomes a

separate entity from the parent and knows this consciously: when the

child discovers their own " I am " and begins to operate in the world

from the basis of that " I am " consciousness.Circumstances that block

this developmental progression from being " as one " with the parent

(and usually this is the mother since she is the primary caregiver)to

becoming an individual separate from the mother could arrest that

stage of development and mean that when that person becomes an

adult,the emotional content/regulation remains both " as one " with the

mother and " as one " with whatever it was she was doing that arrested

the process of individuation in the first place.Do you see what I

mean? I don't believe that the vast majority of children are so

psychologically fragile that all it would take to mess up a kid's

individuation is a few isolated but abusive events.It takes more than

that: the environment itself would have to be somehow inimical to

healthy individuation.People who have been traumatized in this way in

early childhood often act out some kind of symbolic recreation of

whatever aspect of this environment hurt them the most or resounded

the most in their psyches.I know this is really long but I'm trying

to set this up because I don't know if you'll be able to believe

this...Kyla,I think your father had a REALLY traumatic toilet

training and although I wouldn't say that this is WHY he became a

narcissist,it's certainly what he is symbolically recreating.I'm sure

there's got to be more to it than just toilet training,but in his own

words:

" I'm tired of people,including you,that shit on your mother and me

and don't intend to take it anymore from anyone. "

" But maybe in your new religion and bible studies they ELIMINATED

that one. "

" If your mother or I did something that pissed you off.. "

" Well you just tell them you have to GO... "

So,who is he really talking to? Narcissists who never properly

individuated from their mothers speak in symbolic code.They aren't

speaking with their OWN voice,because they never developed one.Their

entire perception is bound up with being stuck in the stage of still

being " as one " with their mother and also bound up with whatever it

was that prevented them from going through the next developmental

stage.It's all unconscious but it comes out sounding both bizarre

(because it has nothing to do with the present moment) and sounding

like adult speech (because they are referring to something that is

happening in real time).For example,I could never understand why my

fada uses so many curse words and reading your father's e-mail,I was

very struck by him doing the same thing.I think what that is,is the

equivalent of a child screaming incoherently (the emotional impact of

using a curse word) with the the adult having to express himself

coherently (so he cusses instead of screaming).I think that's why

his " that's too fucking bad " feels so weird.Imagine how a child

screams when mother leaves them or when they don't get their way or

when they feel injured and condense that down into a curse word.I can

see this clearly,but I don't know if I'm explaining this well.

The last thing I wanted to mention is that narcissists cut

themselves off from feeling love for the mother,which bleeds into

every aspect of their later functioning with everyone else.I want to

stress that this is NOT like what KOs do to survive their nadas and

fadas-the whole process of developing pathological narcissism

destroys the capacity for insight into one's own behavior much like

BPD does.They will sometimes find a mate,in adulthood,who allows them

to feel powerful by being indispensable to them and who can function

as a proxy for the " at oneness " with mother they carry around in

their unconscious at all times.All of the narcissist's life is an

attempt to ward off their own vulnerability and since they are in the

terrible psychological predicament of being " at one " with the same

person who taught them to stop trying to love,which they aren't even

aware of,they are not able to communicate real thoughts or real

feelings.Everything they say and do is on some level a symbolic re-

enactment of some very early childhood drama.I know that my fada's

relationship with nada is exactly that.And when he says things

like, " All we ever did to you was love you " ,he isn't talking to me at

all.He's asking mother why she hurt him.The self pity or rage in his

voice is the sound of a small child.And then that " screw you "

attitude that inevitably comes out is the act in his drama when he

stopped trying to love his mother/himself-they are the same thing to

him.That is precisely where he stopped,where his development

stopped.That is always where he concludes if there is something he

feels threatened by or can't figure out because he doesn't KNOW what

else to do except basically say " screw you/screw this/screw that. "

I thought it was very interesting that you wrote that your father

had a self-satisfied look on his face and that he had " won " when he

bullied you into going over there that Christmas 13 years ago.Maybe

he thought that he had won,the way a small child thinks they've won

when a parent is manipulated into doing something,but that is all it

was,a small child's victory.I'm going to include a link to a website

I found about narcissism that has an article about an episode of

the " Twilight Zone " ,where a little boy is given absolute rule over a

town,what he does with his " power " and how this is illustrative of

how a narcissist's mind works:

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/goodlife.html

I don't know if that came up so you can just click on it,but it's

really worth checking out.

Oh,and that strange line: " well whatever blows your skirt

up " ...imagine a small boy looking up at his mother since that's who

he's really talking to...I guess the strange imagery of a

skirt " blowing up " has something to do with his symbolic code of

referance,although I'm sure even he doesn't know what it is.

Anyway,this is a very long post! I hope something in it has been

worthwhile to you and anyone else who reads this.Reading everyone's

posts has taught me so much,you're all an inspiration in your own

special ways.This thread in particular really made something click

for me.

> > >

> > > I got a half-hearted, last minute invite from dad last night

> > > regarding thanksgiving. I wrote back a short note that we had

> made

> > > plans with my sister in law.....

> > >

> > > Remember how I said I felt an explosion brewing? Well, it came

> > this

> > > morning from my dad in a reply e-mail (the " 4th year " comment

is

> an

> > > insult to my husband's family, they like us to ALL get together

> > > every 4th year for Christmas). Keep in mind my mother hasn't

> > called

> > > me in many, many months....and he knows it:

> > >

> > > " Well, don't worry about it, we didn't expect to see you anyway

> > > during the holidays, thought it might be the 4th year again

that

> > > seems to come every year. You know you could have called your

> own

> > > family in advance to check on who's doing what but I suppose

> that

> > > would be too much trouble, being the way things are.

> > >

> > > I seem to remember a commandment in the old testament that

> covers

> > > children's respect of parents but maybe in your new religion

and

> > > bible studies they eliminated that one. Well whatever blows

> your

> > > skirt up.

> > > I can only say you're setting a horrible example for your

> children

> > > on how they should respect their parents and I only hope they

> don't

> > > follow in your footsteps in that regard. I thought we raised

> you

> > > better than that but I guess we blew that too.

> > >

> > > I worried for a few hours before responding to your email, not

> > > wanting things to get worse than they are but i'm tired of

> people,

> > > including you, that shit on your mother and me, and don't

intend

> to

> > > take it any more from anyone, and since we no longer have a

> > > relationship what difference does it make. All we ever did to

> you

> > > is love you and try to bring you up the best we could, I

suppose

> we

> > > failed at something along the way. If your mother or I did

> > > something that pissed you off all I can say is " too fuckin

> bad " .

> > >

> > > Don't bother to respond, i'll just delete it "

> > >

> > > [end]

> > >

> > > Any thoughts, anyone?

> > >

> > > -Kyla

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

-- I am speechless with gratitude at this phenomenal

post. Such insights into the narcissistic mind -- and my therapist

has pegged my dad as such before, but we've never gone into much

detail about it, and slapping him with that title always puzzled me

a little.

It's so enlightening I was glued to every word -- no need to

apologize for its length -- I wish it were longer! I am continuing

to see this unfold -- now I'm seeing what I'm up against! This

really isn't about me. My dad is a very troubled man and he's not a

good dad. He's the hero and rescuer of a very trouble woman, my BPD

mother -- and I guess my failing to cater to her anymore has tripped

his wire, and he's gone ballistic on me. It is almost primal to

watch. Now they find themselves alone on Thanksgiving -- and I am

finally seeing that it's not my fault. It's THEIRS. They've

constructed this cave they're in. I don't want to go there

anymore. I feel darkness encircling me when I'm in mom's presence --

and now I see more of my dad's game as well.

Your post also served to ease my conscience this morning, as I STILL

struggle with residual guilt over the " Honor they Father and Mother "

thing he threw in my face. But you've given me a new perspective on

that. This same Bible that he likes to cherry-pick from and

ridicule, to serve himself and his selfish agenda, also warns a

Believer like myself to stay away from selfish, ungodly

people. " From these, stay away... "

I am sure that if my dad were a murderer or bank robber, it would be

so CLEAR that I need not have anything to do with him. Now I'm

seeing that he's not really available to me (I've suspected for a

long time anyway -- a friend tried to point that out to me many

times in years past), and he's withdrawn, out for himself and

whatever serves his comfort. I can leave the door open, especially

by not lowering myself to reply to that vile e-mail, and I think

that honors him enough. The hope that he'll redeem himself is

something that I extend to all humans -- I just don't have to hang

around while they continue abusive behavior. I can leave them to

God. I think holding out that faint hope that he'll redeem himself

and continuing to pray for him serves two purposes: it quells the

anger in me, and it honors him like the Bible tells me to do. It is

a reminder that he's in God's hands.

And yes, he grew up with a gruff, loud, blustery father and favored

older brother. His mother hovered over all the children, spoiling

them, nervously attending their every need. She was an incredible

cook, always in the kitchen.....I can see where she did not want

them to leave home. She's quoted as saying all she ever wanted in

life were children, and that when they leave home, she might as well

die. She wasn't very welcoming to their wives as each one got

married, either. Another threat to her world. And my dad never

really took up for my mom when his parents were rumored to be

talking behind her back. He denied they could do such a thing. (Of

course they did it!) His loyalty was unyielding. I suppose he

expects this same misplaced loyalty of me. Notice how he said " You

should have checked with YOUR OWN family first before making plans

with hubby's family " .....Interesting that he doesn't see my current

husband and kids as MY OWN family.

My dad's temperament (when not sending flaming e-mails!) is more

submissive and withdrawn -- like his mother. He looks harmless.

Kids are always drawn to him, and he is great at amusing them. I

suppose he identified with her softer touch. If you're right about

the toilet training -- I can see where the mother might have tried

to do it lovingly, and where the father might have loudly said " Aw,

hell with it -- smack him if he soils himself! "

Anyway -- thanks for pointing out that stepping out of that drama,

that's NOT MINE, is the best thing to do. Bottom line: I'm being

bullied emotionally and I won't stand for it. I'm sure this will

bring up feelings from childhood -- I'm going to start journaling

tonight and start pouring it all out.

I've clicked the link that you sent. I can't wait to dive in --

going to do that now. Feel free to send more if you think they're

applicable.

A thousand thank you's -- and I'm so glad it's helping more than

just me.....That's the beauty of this board.

{big hugs}

Kyla

> > > >

> > > > I got a half-hearted, last minute invite from dad last night

> > > > regarding thanksgiving. I wrote back a short note that we

had

> > made

> > > > plans with my sister in law.....

> > > >

> > > > Remember how I said I felt an explosion brewing? Well, it

came

> > > this

> > > > morning from my dad in a reply e-mail (the " 4th year "

comment

> is

> > an

> > > > insult to my husband's family, they like us to ALL get

together

> > > > every 4th year for Christmas). Keep in mind my mother

hasn't

> > > called

> > > > me in many, many months....and he knows it:

> > > >

> > > > " Well, don't worry about it, we didn't expect to see you

anyway

> > > > during the holidays, thought it might be the 4th year again

> that

> > > > seems to come every year. You know you could have called

your

> > own

> > > > family in advance to check on who's doing what but I suppose

> > that

> > > > would be too much trouble, being the way things are.

> > > >

> > > > I seem to remember a commandment in the old testament that

> > covers

> > > > children's respect of parents but maybe in your new religion

> and

> > > > bible studies they eliminated that one. Well whatever blows

> > your

> > > > skirt up.

> > > > I can only say you're setting a horrible example for your

> > children

> > > > on how they should respect their parents and I only hope

they

> > don't

> > > > follow in your footsteps in that regard. I thought we

raised

> > you

> > > > better than that but I guess we blew that too.

> > > >

> > > > I worried for a few hours before responding to your email,

not

> > > > wanting things to get worse than they are but i'm tired of

> > people,

> > > > including you, that shit on your mother and me, and don't

> intend

> > to

> > > > take it any more from anyone, and since we no longer have a

> > > > relationship what difference does it make. All we ever did

to

> > you

> > > > is love you and try to bring you up the best we could, I

> suppose

> > we

> > > > failed at something along the way. If your mother or I did

> > > > something that pissed you off all I can say is " too fuckin

> > bad " .

> > > >

> > > > Don't bother to respond, i'll just delete it "

> > > >

> > > > [end]

> > > >

> > > > Any thoughts, anyone?

> > > >

> > > > -Kyla

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Kyla,

I am very sorry to have read the email from your father. I definitey think it

is a good idea to stay away from them for the Holidays.

If any of your relatives give you a hard time about why you are not spending

Thanksgiving/Christmas with your parents/family - you could always mail them a

Holiday card with your father's email attached...

At least this way, you can maybe get a good laugh when you mail out your

Holiday cards.

Have a Great Thanksgiving.

kylaboo728 wrote:

I got a half-hearted, last minute invite from dad last night

regarding thanksgiving. I wrote back a short note that we had made

plans with my sister in law.....

Remember how I said I felt an explosion brewing? Well, it came this

morning from my dad in a reply e-mail (the " 4th year " comment is an

insult to my husband's family, they like us to ALL get together

every 4th year for Christmas). Keep in mind my mother hasn't called

me in many, many months....and he knows it:

" Well, don't worry about it, we didn't expect to see you anyway

during the holidays, thought it might be the 4th year again that

seems to come every year. You know you could have called your own

family in advance to check on who's doing what but I suppose that

would be too much trouble, being the way things are.

I seem to remember a commandment in the old testament that covers

children's respect of parents but maybe in your new religion and

bible studies they eliminated that one. Well whatever blows your

skirt up.

I can only say you're setting a horrible example for your children

on how they should respect their parents and I only hope they don't

follow in your footsteps in that regard. I thought we raised you

better than that but I guess we blew that too.

I worried for a few hours before responding to your email, not

wanting things to get worse than they are but i'm tired of people,

including you, that shit on your mother and me, and don't intend to

take it any more from anyone, and since we no longer have a

relationship what difference does it make. All we ever did to you

is love you and try to bring you up the best we could, I suppose we

failed at something along the way. If your mother or I did

something that pissed you off all I can say is " too fuckin bad " .

Don't bother to respond, i'll just delete it "

[end]

Any thoughts, anyone?

-Kyla

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

[Guest guest]

Ha! Great idea!

As a matter of fact, I shared it with my brother, two trusted

friends, and two trusted relatives! All were completely amazed and

horrified.

I'm not holding that sick secret anymore -- let them all see what

he's really made of. I'd bet money he assumed I'd keep it

confidential. That's another reason I'm not writing back! He won't

have anything, in writing, on me.

Thanks for your kind comments -- I am almost glad it happened,

because I could tell something big was brewing (we'd never gone that

long with LC before, and I knew they'd raise the ante at some

point. I'm sure they thought if they just leaned a little harder on

me, I'd fold.), and it's a relief to finally have it all out in the

open. The tension was taking its toll on me, but I was determined

to keep on the new path I was on. Another reason is I'm forced to

face what my father REALLY is. I can't paint him as the kindly, put-

upon victim he keeps trying to portray. He's a bully, and I see it

now.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday as well -- I plan to!

{hugs}

Kyla

> I got a half-hearted, last minute invite from dad last

night

> regarding thanksgiving. I wrote back a short note that we had made

> plans with my sister in law.....

>

> Remember how I said I felt an explosion brewing? Well, it came

this

> morning from my dad in a reply e-mail (the " 4th year " comment is

an

> insult to my husband's family, they like us to ALL get together

> every 4th year for Christmas). Keep in mind my mother hasn't

called

> me in many, many months....and he knows it:

>

> " Well, don't worry about it, we didn't expect to see you anyway

> during the holidays, thought it might be the 4th year again that

> seems to come every year. You know you could have called your own

> family in advance to check on who's doing what but I suppose that

> would be too much trouble, being the way things are.

>

> I seem to remember a commandment in the old testament that covers

> children's respect of parents but maybe in your new religion and

> bible studies they eliminated that one. Well whatever blows your

> skirt up.

> I can only say you're setting a horrible example for your children

> on how they should respect their parents and I only hope they

don't

> follow in your footsteps in that regard. I thought we raised you

> better than that but I guess we blew that too.

>

> I worried for a few hours before responding to your email, not

> wanting things to get worse than they are but i'm tired of people,

> including you, that shit on your mother and me, and don't intend

to

> take it any more from anyone, and since we no longer have a

> relationship what difference does it make. All we ever did to you

> is love you and try to bring you up the best we could, I suppose

we

> failed at something along the way. If your mother or I did

> something that pissed you off all I can say is " too fuckin bad " .

>

> Don't bother to respond, i'll just delete it "

>

> [end]

>

> Any thoughts, anyone?

>

> -Kyla

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

>

[Guest guest]

!

>

> As a matter of fact, I shared it with my brother, two trusted

> friends, and two trusted relatives! All were completely amazed and

> horrified.

Good going, Kyla =)

The nasty things my mother said to my sister before I LCd were via

email, and I asked my sis for a copy. I KNOW mom never expected me to

read it! Sis also shared with dad, who was actually " surprised " ...

[Guest guest]

" I'd be

curious to hear from other posters some quotable quotes from dishrag

spouses, urging us to bury who we are. To still our voices

and " relegate us to the shadows " as you put it.

-Kyla "

Here's one. While visiting home from college I broke my thumb by

slamming it in a car door. I had this enormous bandage on my thumb,

and when I walked in the house my dad quipped " Well, you're gonna look

kinda funny when you're singing in church tomorrow. " Puzzled, I

responded " I'm not singing in church tomorrow. " And Dad said, " Sure

you are. Mom already had your name printed in the bulletin. "

Needless to say, that was the first I'd heard about it, but nada just

assumed that I would be her little organ grinder monkey and perform.

I had been living away from home for about two years at that point,

and I was so over that, so I said " I'm not singing. She'll just have

to find someone else. " WELL, I'm sure you all can picture her

response: the wails, the " why can't you just do this for your

mother " s, the evil looks, but I held my ground. The next morning she

was still going at it, sitting at the piano and pathetically bleating

out church music. If I walked by the room, she would burst into tears

and run upstairs.

So my dad comes up to me and says, " Look, if you're trying to make a

point, your point's been made. Would you just sing in church

already? " Um, NO! If I sang in church, the point would be lost. I

didn't sing, but she was evil towards me for at least a couple of

days. And dad was mad at me, too.

[Guest guest]

Let's make this a new thread...I'll do it in a sec...

> " I'd be

> curious to hear from other posters some quotable quotes from

dishrag

> spouses, urging us to bury who we are. To still our voices

> and " relegate us to the shadows " as you put it.

>

> -Kyla "

>

> Here's one. While visiting home from college I broke my thumb by

> slamming it in a car door. I had this enormous bandage on my

thumb,

> and when I walked in the house my dad quipped " Well, you're gonna

look

> kinda funny when you're singing in church tomorrow. " Puzzled, I

> responded " I'm not singing in church tomorrow. " And Dad

said, " Sure

> you are. Mom already had your name printed in the bulletin. "

> Needless to say, that was the first I'd heard about it, but nada

just

> assumed that I would be her little organ grinder monkey and

perform.

> I had been living away from home for about two years at that point,

> and I was so over that, so I said " I'm not singing. She'll just

have

> to find someone else. " WELL, I'm sure you all can picture her

> response: the wails, the " why can't you just do this for your

> mother " s, the evil looks, but I held my ground. The next morning

she

> was still going at it, sitting at the piano and pathetically

bleating

> out church music. If I walked by the room, she would burst into

tears

> and run upstairs.

> So my dad comes up to me and says, " Look, if you're trying to make

a

> point, your point's been made. Would you just sing in church

> already? " Um, NO! If I sang in church, the point would be lost.

I

> didn't sing, but she was evil towards me for at least a couple of

> days. And dad was mad at me, too.

>