Beating nada at her own game

October 21, 2007

Nada is home alone as enmeshed youngest brother has, for the first

time in his life, taken a trip. She lives near where the big fire is

in California, but her house is not in direct danger (not even

close). She called me yesterday for my birthday and I returned her

call earlier today.

In the course of the conversation, she threw in a mean comment that

my oldest brother allegedly said (I was initially mad at him until I

realized he probably didn't say it, it was her usual attempt to take

a jab at me and drive a wedge between me and my brothers).

She was a little freaked out by the smoke. Under normal

circumstances, if a friend/family member is upset, I talk them

through it, make them laugh or otherwise try to make them feel

better.

She just pissed me off because of the comment and because of how she

has treated me my whole life!

So I did to her what she normally does to me - I invalidated her!

She kept going on about the smoke and the poor cats, etc., and I just

kept saying " Oh I'm sure it's no big deal " " I'm sure everything will

be fine. " I feel evil and I'm laughing as I write this because it

felt good to play her game!!

The other thing I'm doing is that whenever she brings up enmeshed

little brother and how wonderful or upset he is (usually by me

supposedly), I play her game. I say " I can't believe how talented/

wonderful/amazing he is " . " Oh, we can't have (bro no 3) getting

upset. That would be awful. " " How could I have been so insensitive. "

It's the funniest thing because she doesn't know how to respond. She

is ever so slightly stunned and then she laughs - maybe she's happy I

finally see it her way or she sees how ridiculous the whole thing

is.

Another thing I've done is when she throws an accusation at me (such

as " why haven't you called " - I call her every week and she never

bothers to call me) I don't get defensive anymore or try to explain

my actions. Instead I just agree with her that I am, in fact, the

spawn of the devil. This makes her laugh as well.

Maybe if you can't beat them, join them? Who knows.

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