Now Kyla & KO's.....I need help!!!

[Guest guest]

Calling all KO's, I need help.......

Well after NC with my nada since August (after a fight on the phone

with her accusing me of having my children lie to her) and for the

exception of a phone message(6 weeks later)left by her wanting

things

back to " normal " and after I sent her the following letter...

Mom,

I'm sorry to have made you wait for so long for a reply to our last

conversation. Since then, I have been doing alot of thinking,

reading, writing, and reflecting, and have come to a painful

conclusion about our relationship. I have also come to some

decisions

as well, and as long as you are still drinking, and being mentally

destructive to yourself, and to others, then I am forced to have no

further contact with you.

So I am telling you to not contact me unless you have stop drinking,

and have gotten some therapy for yourself.

Because without complete honesty, forgiveness, or sobriety, then

this is what we are left with.

I have now received the following letter from my nada........

I'm sitting here feeling pretty bad about all thats going on or not

going on. I've got to say I'm pretty much in the dark about it all,

I know its not about me sounding frustrated when I left phone

messages. I know its not because I said I felt like you were having

the kids say you were in the shower (which was bull she said " they

had lied to her and she just knew it " ). I know its not about my

drinking, because I never drink around you, now or when you were

growing up & FYI I don't drink that much anymore anyway (which is

such a load of bull and a total lie and she, my family, her family,

and most important God knows that).

If you don't like our relationship you have to tell me what you

don't like. I personally liked, for the most part, our

relationship. As bad as you might hate it we have alot in common

and I have always thought you and I were the most alike. (even

though she showed love freely and lavished little sister with

affection and acted like cold rock to me)

You must know I haven't always liked your grandma and I's

relationship, but I have always loved her and when I got older and

saw things more clearly, I realized you have to except the people

that you love for the way they are because life experiences make

everyone different, not perfect. Life goes alot easier when you

except people the way they are instead of how you want them to be.

I miss my son in law and my grandkids and everyday I think of

something I want to talk to you about because you've been in my life

39 years, and I love and miss you the most. Please lets figure this

out or get over it some how.

Clocks-a-tic-en (what the hell is that???)

Love, Mom

Ok......Kyla, KO's I am pretty shaken up at this point and am

feeling foggy again......please feel free to rip this letter apart,

bit by BP bit. Oh and what was up with " I know its not

because...blah, blah, blah " . Her advice on relationships make me

sick!!! She hasn't talked to her own sister in 3 years.

I need some help with this one.......drlingirl

[Guest guest]

Your mom's letter looks like a big advertisement for DENIAL. And

that's what they do -- OK, nothing new there. It's disappointing

that she chose to still put the spin on your talking points.

My first reaction is to tell you to learn from this that she's still

in deep denial, therefore will NOT seek help and that's all you need

to know. I wouldn't worry about the pointless exercise of

addressing her fairy tale letter point by point.

You laid it on the line and you were honest. That's good. Her

reaction, typical for BPDs, is to ignore your observations and

feelings, and pretend not to have the slightest idea what you're

talking about.

I would not answer her letter. Ignore it. She's the same. She

hasn't changed. Whatever you say or write to her from this point on

will just be fuel for her to misuse somehow. You've learned what

you need to by her response. Continue to stay away from her, if

that's what makes you more comfortable and sane.

You need do nothing more, and I know that answer of hers has stirred

you up, but with time, that will fade. It's INFURIATING when they

continue to make us the " bad guy " for calling them out on the

truth. If it's any consolation, it happened to me and countless

other KOs -- I've had to let it go.

I remember an e-mail of my dad's -- in answer to one of mine (like

yours) where I basically told him mom needed help, that urging me to

call her every day doesn't change the fact that she needed help, she

wasn't coping, and that I wasn't responsible for her miseries or her

feelings.

My dad fired back that I was " ungrateful and uncaring " and claimed

I " wasn't raised that way " (WHAT A CROCK!!! Yes, let's DO talk

about HOW I WAS RAISED, shall we?....) and a host of other insults

fired directly at me for daring to name the " Elephant in the Living

Room " , or " The Emporer has No Clothes! " .....you get the idea: I was

finally quitting the game of " If you'd just come over and pat your

mom's hand, everything will be fine. " And he blew a gasket.

My point of bringing that all up is this: After my dad had his

temper tantrum and called me ungrateful, etc., I was SO TEMPTED to

write back and address him point by point. But I realized then that

they're so enmeshed in her disease, it would just give them an

opportunity to try and argue this fantasy of theirs that it's my

fault.

So, I wrote back simply " I'm sure that's how you see it, we'll just

have to disagree. "

Calm. Accepting that they're NEVER going to " get it " . Not

conceding my points, but refusing to go further into their

argumentative madness. It was so HARD to write that calm reply when

he had just fired back a complete fantasy that insulted me.

You could look at this point with your mother the same way. You've

got your answer -- arguing with her will just get mud on YOU. Keep

going in the direction you're going. It's good that you wrote the

letter to at least give her a CHANCE of truly improving things with

you. And what did she give you back? Self-serving BPD blather.

Keep going in the direction you're going. Her reply was the

confirmation you needed that she's still lost, and you can't have a

fulfilling relationship with someone like that.

-Kyla

>

> Calling all KO's, I need help.......

>

> Well after NC with my nada since August (after a fight on the

phone

> with her accusing me of having my children lie to her) and for the

> exception of a phone message(6 weeks later)left by her wanting

> things

> back to " normal " and after I sent her the following letter...

>

>

> Mom,

>

> I'm sorry to have made you wait for so long for a reply to our

last

> conversation. Since then, I have been doing alot of thinking,

> reading, writing, and reflecting, and have come to a painful

> conclusion about our relationship. I have also come to some

> decisions

> as well, and as long as you are still drinking, and being mentally

> destructive to yourself, and to others, then I am forced to have

no

> further contact with you.

>

> So I am telling you to not contact me unless you have stop

drinking,

> and have gotten some therapy for yourself.

>

> Because without complete honesty, forgiveness, or sobriety, then

> this is what we are left with.

>

>

>

> I have now received the following letter from my nada........

>

>

> I'm sitting here feeling pretty bad about all thats going on or

not

> going on. I've got to say I'm pretty much in the dark about it

all,

> I know its not about me sounding frustrated when I left phone

> messages. I know its not because I said I felt like you were

having

> the kids say you were in the shower (which was bull she said " they

> had lied to her and she just knew it " ). I know its not about my

> drinking, because I never drink around you, now or when you were

> growing up & FYI I don't drink that much anymore anyway (which is

> such a load of bull and a total lie and she, my family, her

family,

> and most important God knows that).

>

> If you don't like our relationship you have to tell me what you

> don't like. I personally liked, for the most part, our

> relationship. As bad as you might hate it we have alot in common

> and I have always thought you and I were the most alike. (even

> though she showed love freely and lavished little sister with

> affection and acted like cold rock to me)

>

> You must know I haven't always liked your grandma and I's

> relationship, but I have always loved her and when I got older and

> saw things more clearly, I realized you have to except the people

> that you love for the way they are because life experiences make

> everyone different, not perfect. Life goes alot easier when you

> except people the way they are instead of how you want them to

be.

>

> I miss my son in law and my grandkids and everyday I think of

> something I want to talk to you about because you've been in my

life

> 39 years, and I love and miss you the most. Please lets figure

this

> out or get over it some how.

>

> Clocks-a-tic-en (what the hell is that???)

>

> Love, Mom

>

>

> Ok......Kyla, KO's I am pretty shaken up at this point and am

> feeling foggy again......please feel free to rip this letter

apart,

> bit by BP bit. Oh and what was up with " I know its not

> because...blah, blah, blah " . Her advice on relationships make me

> sick!!! She hasn't talked to her own sister in 3 years.

>

> I need some help with this one.......drlingirl

>

[Guest guest]

Drlingirl,

I really think Kyla's advice was excellent. Your mom's response

letter to yours was pretty predictable. She does not want to

recognize her role in making you feel bad. She would like things to

be the way they were.

As Kyla wrote, no response from you is really necessary here. Your

letter to her was not an invitation to a conversation about things

(I'm sure you've had many conversations over the years!). Your

letter was a communication of your boundary. Sylvia has recently

written that living out your boundaries really doesn't work when you

base your boundary-setting behavior on how you think your nada will

perceive it or react to it. Basically, it works when you decide for

yourself whether your behavior is supportive to yourself and right

from YOUR OWN point of view. I'm still trying to wrap my brain

around this, but I know it's true! If you can act in a way that

stays true to your own emotional needs, you will have that " calm " as

Kyla says. I have it more and more!

One thing I want to add, and maybe I'm wrong and this won't come up,

is that I think you should mentally and emotionally prepare yourself

for the possibility that your nada continues contact with you. If

your nada begins to obsess over this situation, she may ramp up

attempts to contact you despite your statement that it is not OK. On

this board we've seen nadas encourage other members of the FOO to

contact their kids and tell them they need to get in contact with

their mother, etc.

Be strong! If this happens, maybe you could consider asking your

husband to read any future letters (if you decide they need to be

read)? My husband has done that for me and summarized them, which I

appreciate. As a matter of fact, he once opened a birthday gift for

me and simply took it into the kitchen and dumped it immediately

into our trash can. I'm glad I didn't have to see it; one less thing

to scrub out of my brain.

I'm sending you a hug and giving you the fist of power ;-)

- April

> >

> > Calling all KO's, I need help.......

> >

> > Well after NC with my nada since August (after a fight on the

> phone

> > with her accusing me of having my children lie to her) and for

the

> > exception of a phone message(6 weeks later)left by her wanting

> > things

> > back to " normal " and after I sent her the following letter...

> >

> >

> > Mom,

> >

> > I'm sorry to have made you wait for so long for a reply to our

> last

> > conversation. Since then, I have been doing alot of thinking,

> > reading, writing, and reflecting, and have come to a painful

> > conclusion about our relationship. I have also come to some

> > decisions

> > as well, and as long as you are still drinking, and being

mentally

> > destructive to yourself, and to others, then I am forced to have

> no

> > further contact with you.

> >

> > So I am telling you to not contact me unless you have stop

> drinking,

> > and have gotten some therapy for yourself.

> >

> > Because without complete honesty, forgiveness, or sobriety, then

> > this is what we are left with.

> >

> >

> >

> > I have now received the following letter from my nada........

> >

> >

> > I'm sitting here feeling pretty bad about all thats going on or

> not

> > going on. I've got to say I'm pretty much in the dark about it

> all,

> > I know its not about me sounding frustrated when I left phone

> > messages. I know its not because I said I felt like you were

> having

> > the kids say you were in the shower (which was bull she

said " they

> > had lied to her and she just knew it " ). I know its not about my

> > drinking, because I never drink around you, now or when you were

> > growing up & FYI I don't drink that much anymore anyway (which

is

> > such a load of bull and a total lie and she, my family, her

> family,

> > and most important God knows that).

> >

> > If you don't like our relationship you have to tell me what you

> > don't like. I personally liked, for the most part, our

> > relationship. As bad as you might hate it we have alot in

common

> > and I have always thought you and I were the most alike. (even

> > though she showed love freely and lavished little sister with

> > affection and acted like cold rock to me)

> >

> > You must know I haven't always liked your grandma and I's

> > relationship, but I have always loved her and when I got older

and

> > saw things more clearly, I realized you have to except the

people

> > that you love for the way they are because life experiences make

> > everyone different, not perfect. Life goes alot easier when you

> > except people the way they are instead of how you want them to

> be.

> >

> > I miss my son in law and my grandkids and everyday I think of

> > something I want to talk to you about because you've been in my

> life

> > 39 years, and I love and miss you the most. Please lets figure

> this

> > out or get over it some how.

> >

> > Clocks-a-tic-en (what the hell is that???)

> >

> > Love, Mom

> >

> >

> > Ok......Kyla, KO's I am pretty shaken up at this point and am

> > feeling foggy again......please feel free to rip this letter

> apart,

> > bit by BP bit. Oh and what was up with " I know its not

> > because...blah, blah, blah " . Her advice on relationships make

me

> > sick!!! She hasn't talked to her own sister in 3 years.

> >

> > I need some help with this one.......drlingirl

> >

>

[Guest guest]

April --

What a great husband you have!!

-Kyla

> > >

> > > Calling all KO's, I need help.......

> > >

> > > Well after NC with my nada since August (after a fight on the

> > phone

> > > with her accusing me of having my children lie to her) and for

> the

> > > exception of a phone message(6 weeks later)left by her wanting

> > > things

> > > back to " normal " and after I sent her the following letter...

> > >

> > >

> > > Mom,

> > >

> > > I'm sorry to have made you wait for so long for a reply to our

> > last

> > > conversation. Since then, I have been doing alot of thinking,

> > > reading, writing, and reflecting, and have come to a painful

> > > conclusion about our relationship. I have also come to some

> > > decisions

> > > as well, and as long as you are still drinking, and being

> mentally

> > > destructive to yourself, and to others, then I am forced to

have

> > no

> > > further contact with you.

> > >

> > > So I am telling you to not contact me unless you have stop

> > drinking,

> > > and have gotten some therapy for yourself.

> > >

> > > Because without complete honesty, forgiveness, or sobriety,

then

> > > this is what we are left with.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I have now received the following letter from my nada........

> > >

> > >

> > > I'm sitting here feeling pretty bad about all thats going on

or

> > not

> > > going on. I've got to say I'm pretty much in the dark about

it

> > all,

> > > I know its not about me sounding frustrated when I left phone

> > > messages. I know its not because I said I felt like you were

> > having

> > > the kids say you were in the shower (which was bull she

> said " they

> > > had lied to her and she just knew it " ). I know its not about

my

> > > drinking, because I never drink around you, now or when you

were

> > > growing up & FYI I don't drink that much anymore anyway (which

> is

> > > such a load of bull and a total lie and she, my family, her

> > family,

> > > and most important God knows that).

> > >

> > > If you don't like our relationship you have to tell me what

you

> > > don't like. I personally liked, for the most part, our

> > > relationship. As bad as you might hate it we have alot in

> common

> > > and I have always thought you and I were the most alike. (even

> > > though she showed love freely and lavished little sister with

> > > affection and acted like cold rock to me)

> > >

> > > You must know I haven't always liked your grandma and I's

> > > relationship, but I have always loved her and when I got older

> and

> > > saw things more clearly, I realized you have to except the

> people

> > > that you love for the way they are because life experiences

make

> > > everyone different, not perfect. Life goes alot easier when

you

> > > except people the way they are instead of how you want them to

> > be.

> > >

> > > I miss my son in law and my grandkids and everyday I think of

> > > something I want to talk to you about because you've been in

my

> > life

> > > 39 years, and I love and miss you the most. Please lets

figure

> > this

> > > out or get over it some how.

> > >

> > > Clocks-a-tic-en (what the hell is that???)

> > >

> > > Love, Mom

> > >

> > >

> > > Ok......Kyla, KO's I am pretty shaken up at this point and am

> > > feeling foggy again......please feel free to rip this letter

> > apart,

> > > bit by BP bit. Oh and what was up with " I know its not

> > > because...blah, blah, blah " . Her advice on relationships make

> me

> > > sick!!! She hasn't talked to her own sister in 3 years.

> > >

> > > I need some help with this one.......drlingirl

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" God I hope I can take all this pain and lessons and to be a better

parent, future mother inlaw, etc. "

fuggettaboutit......You're great now and going to be great at all

those things....All this introspection and personal growth guarantee

it. And isn't it wonderful you're already thinking along those

lines! Looking toward the future and being the best in these

upcoming relationships! Planning for the future, and bettering

yourself so that you're ready for it is the best thing you can do on

this earth!

The negatives of the past will be the " What not to do " of your

future. There's no better teacher than experience --

-Kyla

> > > > >

> > > > > Calling all KO's, I need help.......

> > > > >

> > > > > Well after NC with my nada since August (after a fight on

> the

> > > > phone

> > > > > with her accusing me of having my children lie to her) and

> for

> > > the

> > > > > exception of a phone message(6 weeks later)left by her

> wanting

> > > > > things

> > > > > back to " normal " and after I sent her the following

letter...

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Mom,

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm sorry to have made you wait for so long for a reply to

> our

> > > > last

> > > > > conversation. Since then, I have been doing alot of

> thinking,

> > > > > reading, writing, and reflecting, and have come to a

painful

> > > > > conclusion about our relationship. I have also come to

some

> > > > > decisions

> > > > > as well, and as long as you are still drinking, and being

> > > mentally

> > > > > destructive to yourself, and to others, then I am forced

to

> > have

> > > > no

> > > > > further contact with you.

> > > > >

> > > > > So I am telling you to not contact me unless you have stop

> > > > drinking,

> > > > > and have gotten some therapy for yourself.

> > > > >

> > > > > Because without complete honesty, forgiveness, or

sobriety,

> > then

> > > > > this is what we are left with.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I have now received the following letter from my

nada........

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm sitting here feeling pretty bad about all thats going

on

> > or

> > > > not

> > > > > going on. I've got to say I'm pretty much in the dark

about

> > it

> > > > all,

> > > > > I know its not about me sounding frustrated when I left

> phone

> > > > > messages. I know its not because I said I felt like you

> were

> > > > having

> > > > > the kids say you were in the shower (which was bull she

> > > said " they

> > > > > had lied to her and she just knew it " ). I know its not

> about

> > my

> > > > > drinking, because I never drink around you, now or when

you

> > were

> > > > > growing up & FYI I don't drink that much anymore anyway

> (which

> > > is

> > > > > such a load of bull and a total lie and she, my family,

her

> > > > family,

> > > > > and most important God knows that).

> > > > >

> > > > > If you don't like our relationship you have to tell me

what

> > you

> > > > > don't like. I personally liked, for the most part, our

> > > > > relationship. As bad as you might hate it we have alot in

> > > common

> > > > > and I have always thought you and I were the most alike.

> (even

> > > > > though she showed love freely and lavished little sister

> with

> > > > > affection and acted like cold rock to me)

> > > > >

> > > > > You must know I haven't always liked your grandma and I's

> > > > > relationship, but I have always loved her and when I got

> older

> > > and

> > > > > saw things more clearly, I realized you have to except the

> > > people

> > > > > that you love for the way they are because life

experiences

> > make

> > > > > everyone different, not perfect. Life goes alot easier

when

> > you

> > > > > except people the way they are instead of how you want

them

> to

> > > > be.

> > > > >

> > > > > I miss my son in law and my grandkids and everyday I think

> of

> > > > > something I want to talk to you about because you've been

in

> > my

> > > > life

> > > > > 39 years, and I love and miss you the most. Please lets

> > figure

> > > > this

> > > > > out or get over it some how.

> > > > >

> > > > > Clocks-a-tic-en (what the hell is that???)

> > > > >

> > > > > Love, Mom

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Ok......Kyla, KO's I am pretty shaken up at this point and

> am

> > > > > feeling foggy again......please feel free to rip this

letter

> > > > apart,

> > > > > bit by BP bit. Oh and what was up with " I know its not

> > > > > because...blah, blah, blah " . Her advice on relationships

> make

> > > me

> > > > > sick!!! She hasn't talked to her own sister in 3 years.

> > > > >

> > > > > I need some help with this one.......drlingirl

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Kyla,

I showed your comment to my husband :-) I often read to him from

this board, so he already " knew " who you were. He said " you know,

that Kyla is really sweet. " I think he's right!

- April

> > > >

> > > > Calling all KO's, I need help.......

> > > >

> > > > Well after NC with my nada since August (after a fight on

the

> > > phone

> > > > with her accusing me of having my children lie to her) and

for

> > the

> > > > exception of a phone message(6 weeks later)left by her

wanting

> > > > things

> > > > back to " normal " and after I sent her the following letter...

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Mom,

> > > >

> > > > I'm sorry to have made you wait for so long for a reply to

our

> > > last

> > > > conversation. Since then, I have been doing alot of

thinking,

> > > > reading, writing, and reflecting, and have come to a painful

> > > > conclusion about our relationship. I have also come to some

> > > > decisions

> > > > as well, and as long as you are still drinking, and being

> > mentally

> > > > destructive to yourself, and to others, then I am forced to

> have

> > > no

> > > > further contact with you.

> > > >

> > > > So I am telling you to not contact me unless you have stop

> > > drinking,

> > > > and have gotten some therapy for yourself.

> > > >

> > > > Because without complete honesty, forgiveness, or sobriety,

> then

> > > > this is what we are left with.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I have now received the following letter from my nada........

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I'm sitting here feeling pretty bad about all thats going on

> or

> > > not

> > > > going on. I've got to say I'm pretty much in the dark about

> it

> > > all,

> > > > I know its not about me sounding frustrated when I left

phone

> > > > messages. I know its not because I said I felt like you

were

> > > having

> > > > the kids say you were in the shower (which was bull she

> > said " they

> > > > had lied to her and she just knew it " ). I know its not

about

> my

> > > > drinking, because I never drink around you, now or when you

> were

> > > > growing up & FYI I don't drink that much anymore anyway

(which

> > is

> > > > such a load of bull and a total lie and she, my family, her

> > > family,

> > > > and most important God knows that).

> > > >

> > > > If you don't like our relationship you have to tell me what

> you

> > > > don't like. I personally liked, for the most part, our

> > > > relationship. As bad as you might hate it we have alot in

> > common

> > > > and I have always thought you and I were the most alike.

(even

> > > > though she showed love freely and lavished little sister

with

> > > > affection and acted like cold rock to me)

> > > >

> > > > You must know I haven't always liked your grandma and I's

> > > > relationship, but I have always loved her and when I got

older

> > and

> > > > saw things more clearly, I realized you have to except the

> > people

> > > > that you love for the way they are because life experiences

> make

> > > > everyone different, not perfect. Life goes alot easier when

> you

> > > > except people the way they are instead of how you want them

to

> > > be.

> > > >

> > > > I miss my son in law and my grandkids and everyday I think

of

> > > > something I want to talk to you about because you've been in

> my

> > > life

> > > > 39 years, and I love and miss you the most. Please lets

> figure

> > > this

> > > > out or get over it some how.

> > > >

> > > > Clocks-a-tic-en (what the hell is that???)

> > > >

> > > > Love, Mom

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Ok......Kyla, KO's I am pretty shaken up at this point and

am

> > > > feeling foggy again......please feel free to rip this letter

> > > apart,

> > > > bit by BP bit. Oh and what was up with " I know its not

> > > > because...blah, blah, blah " . Her advice on relationships

make

> > me

> > > > sick!!! She hasn't talked to her own sister in 3 years.

> > > >

> > > > I need some help with this one.......drlingirl

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You are just so great Kyla, you got me all choked up here.

If you were to get paid for all the support you give on this site

you would be a rich, rich, women.....I know IOU big time!!!

drlingirl

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Calling all KO's, I need help.......

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Well after NC with my nada since August (after a fight

on

> > the

> > > > > phone

> > > > > > with her accusing me of having my children lie to her)

and

> > for

> > > > the

> > > > > > exception of a phone message(6 weeks later)left by her

> > wanting

> > > > > > things

> > > > > > back to " normal " and after I sent her the following

> letter...

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Mom,

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I'm sorry to have made you wait for so long for a reply

to

> > our

> > > > > last

> > > > > > conversation. Since then, I have been doing alot of

> > thinking,

> > > > > > reading, writing, and reflecting, and have come to a

> painful

> > > > > > conclusion about our relationship. I have also come to

> some

> > > > > > decisions

> > > > > > as well, and as long as you are still drinking, and

being

> > > > mentally

> > > > > > destructive to yourself, and to others, then I am forced

> to

> > > have

> > > > > no

> > > > > > further contact with you.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > So I am telling you to not contact me unless you have

stop

> > > > > drinking,

> > > > > > and have gotten some therapy for yourself.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Because without complete honesty, forgiveness, or

> sobriety,

> > > then

> > > > > > this is what we are left with.

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I have now received the following letter from my

> nada........

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I'm sitting here feeling pretty bad about all thats

going

> on

> > > or

> > > > > not

> > > > > > going on. I've got to say I'm pretty much in the dark

> about

> > > it

> > > > > all,

> > > > > > I know its not about me sounding frustrated when I left

> > phone

> > > > > > messages. I know its not because I said I felt like you

> > were

> > > > > having

> > > > > > the kids say you were in the shower (which was bull she

> > > > said " they

> > > > > > had lied to her and she just knew it " ). I know its not

> > about

> > > my

> > > > > > drinking, because I never drink around you, now or when

> you

> > > were

> > > > > > growing up & FYI I don't drink that much anymore anyway

> > (which

> > > > is

> > > > > > such a load of bull and a total lie and she, my family,

> her

> > > > > family,

> > > > > > and most important God knows that).

> > > > > >

> > > > > > If you don't like our relationship you have to tell me

> what

> > > you

> > > > > > don't like. I personally liked, for the most part, our

> > > > > > relationship. As bad as you might hate it we have alot

in

> > > > common

> > > > > > and I have always thought you and I were the most alike.

> > (even

> > > > > > though she showed love freely and lavished little sister

> > with

> > > > > > affection and acted like cold rock to me)

> > > > > >

> > > > > > You must know I haven't always liked your grandma and

I's

> > > > > > relationship, but I have always loved her and when I got

> > older

> > > > and

> > > > > > saw things more clearly, I realized you have to except

the

> > > > people

> > > > > > that you love for the way they are because life

> experiences

> > > make

> > > > > > everyone different, not perfect. Life goes alot easier

> when

> > > you

> > > > > > except people the way they are instead of how you want

> them

> > to

> > > > > be.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I miss my son in law and my grandkids and everyday I

think

> > of

> > > > > > something I want to talk to you about because you've

been

> in

> > > my

> > > > > life

> > > > > > 39 years, and I love and miss you the most. Please lets

> > > figure

> > > > > this

> > > > > > out or get over it some how.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Clocks-a-tic-en (what the hell is that???)

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Love, Mom

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Ok......Kyla, KO's I am pretty shaken up at this point

and

> > am

> > > > > > feeling foggy again......please feel free to rip this

> letter

> > > > > apart,

> > > > > > bit by BP bit. Oh and what was up with " I know its not

> > > > > > because...blah, blah, blah " . Her advice on

relationships

> > make

> > > > me

> > > > > > sick!!! She hasn't talked to her own sister in 3

years.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I need some help with this one.......drlingirl

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My nada loves to invoke that one. Last week she did it by saying " How

old are you now? 32? And I'm 59 <dramatic pause>... We don't have a

lot of time... <dramatic pause>. "

What does one say to something like that? I've been ignoring it, but I

honestly resent that crap being thrown in my face.

Any tips as to how to deal with " I'm going to die soon " guilt trips?

qwerty

>

> Oh, and about that " Time's a tickin' " , or however your mom put it:

>

> my nada loves to get dramatic and say crap like " We just don't know

> how much longer we'll have together... " while looking sad or her

> voice breaking, etc....blah blah -- which, of course, is true, but

> she conveniently invokes sayings like that so that we'll do what SHE

> wants (show up to a particular gathering or whatever) and then goes

> back to her BPD ways the day after Thanksgiving.

[Guest guest]

Maybe: " Then you'd better get out there and start living! " Maybe

do a little research and find people who made new lives for

themselves in their 50's and 60's......THat might throw her for a

loop!!

Or " Yes -- that's why every day is precious, and not to be wasted

with mind games. "

I like this question, qwerty! I'm going to work on that one!

-Kyla

> >

> > Oh, and about that " Time's a tickin' " , or however your mom put

it:

> >

> > my nada loves to get dramatic and say crap like " We just don't

know

> > how much longer we'll have together... " while looking sad or

her

> > voice breaking, etc....blah blah -- which, of course, is true,

but

> > she conveniently invokes sayings like that so that we'll do what

SHE

> > wants (show up to a particular gathering or whatever) and then

goes

> > back to her BPD ways the day after Thanksgiving.

>