Re: Mother laughed when she told me she ran over my kitten

[Guest guest]

,

Her inablility to emphathize with you is certainly a symptom of

BPD. As is her inability to assume responsibility for what she

did. And the grin - oh - I know that grin. I hate it. She knew

you would be upset, and my guess is that in her sick mind, she was

happy that she was going to get an emotional reaction from you.

Your emotional reaction made her feel 'alive'. It made her feel 'in

control'. I am not saying that she was happy she killed the cat -

just happy that something happened that was making her feel alive.

She was shaming you, too. Because if she could accept your crying

over it, she would have to accept that she did something to make you

cry - and of course - we know BPs never do anything wrong. Easier

for her to shame you wrongly, than to accept what she did.

She was insensitive, uncaring, unfeeling, unaware of your needs.

She was not a mother to you at this time.

Sylvia

>

> I just had another memory from my past. I remember my mom picking

me

> up from piano practice with this half grin look on her face. She

said,

> I've got to tell you something. I said, what. She said, I ran over

> your kitten today when I was backing up in the drive way. I began

to

> cry not sob not uncontrollably just cry. She said with her half

grin,

> I knew you wouldn't handle it well so I waited to tell you until

> tonight. Then I remember her telling me your sister laughed but

you

> cried. It was as if she was shaming me because I cried at the loss

of

> my cat rather than laughed like my sister. Is this characteristic

of

> BPD?

>

> Kelley

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you. Sylvia!

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: smhtrain2@...: Thu, 25 Oct

2007 12:18:07 +0000Subject: Re: Mother laughed when she told

me she ran over my kitten

,Her inablility to emphathize with you is certainly a symptom of BPD. As is

her inability to assume responsibility for what she did. And the grin - oh - I

know that grin. I hate it. She knew you would be upset, and my guess is that in

her sick mind, she was happy that she was going to get an emotional reaction

from you. Your emotional reaction made her feel 'alive'. It made her feel 'in

control'. I am not saying that she was happy she killed the cat - just happy

that something happened that was making her feel alive. She was shaming you,

too. Because if she could accept your crying over it, she would have to accept

that she did something to make you cry - and of course - we know BPs never do

anything wrong. Easier for her to shame you wrongly, than to accept what she

did. She was insensitive, uncaring, unfeeling, unaware of your needs. She was

not a mother to you at this time. Sylvia >> I

just had another memory from my past. I remember my mom picking me > up from

piano practice with this half grin look on her face. She said, > I've got to

tell you something. I said, what. She said, I ran over > your kitten today when

I was backing up in the drive way. I began to > cry not sob not uncontrollably

just cry. She said with her half grin, > I knew you wouldn't handle it well so I

waited to tell you until > tonight. Then I remember her telling me your sister

laughed but you > cried. It was as if she was shaming me because I cried at the

loss of > my cat rather than laughed like my sister. Is this characteristic of >

BPD?> > Kelley>

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[Guest guest]

Yes -- I think it has to do with their lack of taking responsibility.

She probably couldn't handle the feeling of killing someone's

kitten, so she framed it in a humorous light to protect herself.

Protecting themselves is their #1 priority -- you were left to deal

with it on your own. She certainly wasn't standing with you,

supporting you through it. Saying she's sorry? -- NAH!

When you cried, she couldn't handle it so she offered up your

sister's reaction in the hopes it would convince you to shut off the

tears.

And was your sister taking a cue from your mother's laughter?

Perhaps your sister was just reacting just like her mother was --

it's as if mom was telegraphing to her how to react. In other

words: By mom laughing when she told sister, Sister took her cue to

begin laughing as well.

The name of the game is: avoiding the feelings of guilt for running

over your kitten. Comforting you was not an option. Her defense

mechanisms were in full gear.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

-Kyla

>

> I just had another memory from my past. I remember my mom picking

me

> up from piano practice with this half grin look on her face. She

said,

> I've got to tell you something. I said, what. She said, I ran over

> your kitten today when I was backing up in the drive way. I began

to

> cry not sob not uncontrollably just cry. She said with her half

grin,

> I knew you wouldn't handle it well so I waited to tell you until

> tonight. Then I remember her telling me your sister laughed but

you

> cried. It was as if she was shaming me because I cried at the loss

of

> my cat rather than laughed like my sister. Is this characteristic

of

> BPD?

>

> Kelley

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Kyla. I am being flooded with memories of her right now. I know it is

time because I need to understand the reality of my history instead of the

reality I created as a little girl to believe my mother was okay.

Kelley

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: kylaboo728@...: Thu, 25 Oct

2007 12:57:03 +0000Subject: Re: Mother laughed when she told

me she ran over my kitten

Yes -- I think it has to do with their lack of taking responsibility.She

probably couldn't handle the feeling of killing someone's kitten, so she framed

it in a humorous light to protect herself. Protecting themselves is their #1

priority -- you were left to deal with it on your own. She certainly wasn't

standing with you, supporting you through it. Saying she's sorry? -- NAH!When

you cried, she couldn't handle it so she offered up your sister's reaction in

the hopes it would convince you to shut off the tears.And was your sister taking

a cue from your mother's laughter? Perhaps your sister was just reacting just

like her mother was -- it's as if mom was telegraphing to her how to react. In

other words: By mom laughing when she told sister, Sister took her cue to begin

laughing as well.The name of the game is: avoiding the feelings of guilt for

running over your kitten. Comforting you was not an option. Her defense

mechanisms were in full gear.I'm sorry that happened to you.-Kyla>> I

just had another memory from my past. I remember my mom picking me > up from

piano practice with this half grin look on her face. She said, > I've got to

tell you something. I said, what. She said, I ran over > your kitten today when

I was backing up in the drive way. I began to > cry not sob not uncontrollably

just cry. She said with her half grin, > I knew you wouldn't handle it well so I

waited to tell you until > tonight. Then I remember her telling me your sister

laughed but you > cried. It was as if she was shaming me because I cried at the

loss of > my cat rather than laughed like my sister. Is this characteristic of >

BPD?> > Kelley>

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[Guest guest]

I can relate. That washed over me, too, as I came to similar

realizations last year. They do lessen with time.

Painful as that is -- it's a good thing. And just in the nick of

time, because it will help you become a better mother.

I remember Dr. saying we get two chances at parenthood -- once

when we're children, and again when we're parents. Now's your time

to shine.

{hugs}

Kyla

>> I just had another memory from my past. I remember my mom

picking me > up from piano practice with this half grin look on her

face. She said, > I've got to tell you something. I said, what. She

said, I ran over > your kitten today when I was backing up in the

drive way. I began to > cry not sob not uncontrollably just cry. She

said with her half grin, > I knew you wouldn't handle it well so I

waited to tell you until > tonight. Then I remember her telling me

your sister laughed but you > cried. It was as if she was shaming me

because I cried at the loss of > my cat rather than laughed like my

sister. Is this characteristic of > BPD?> > Kelley>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Windows Live Hotmail and Microsoft Office Outlook – together at

last.  Get it now.

> http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/outlook/HA102225181033.aspx?

pid=CL100626971033

>

>

[Guest guest]

This reminds me of a big pet peeve of mine: People who deliver bad

news with a smile.

It's creepy.

-Kyla

> >

> > I just had another memory from my past. I remember my mom

picking

> me

> > up from piano practice with this half grin look on her face. She

> said,

> > I've got to tell you something. I said, what. She said, I ran

over

> > your kitten today when I was backing up in the drive way. I

began

> to

> > cry not sob not uncontrollably just cry. She said with her half

> grin,

> > I knew you wouldn't handle it well so I waited to tell you until

> > tonight. Then I remember her telling me your sister laughed but

> you

> > cried. It was as if she was shaming me because I cried at the

loss

> of

> > my cat rather than laughed like my sister. Is this

characteristic

> of

> > BPD?

> >

> > Kelley

> >

>

[Guest guest]

What is that all about? Why would they be happy to see someone else

suffering? My mother tells me something with this tone that is: You're

gonna disagree, I bet, and then whatever I say it feels like she wins! I

can understand fear or hurt but I don't understand the actual pleasure she

gets from seeing someone else suffer, and nobody believes that either in the

family or wants to see that.

Re: Mother laughed when

she told me she ran over my kitten

,Her inablility to emphathize with you is certainly a symptom of BPD.

As is her inability to assume responsibility for what she did. And the

grin - oh - I know that grin. I hate it. She knew you would be upset, and my

guess is that in her sick mind, she was happy that she was going to get an

emotional reaction from you. Your emotional reaction made her feel 'alive'.

It made her feel 'in control'. I am not saying that she was happy she killed

the cat - just happy that something happened that was making her feel alive.

She was shaming you, too. Because if she could accept your crying over it,

she would have to accept that she did something to make you cry - and of

course - we know BPs never do anything wrong. Easier for her to shame you

wrongly, than to accept what she did. She was insensitive, uncaring,

unfeeling, unaware of your needs. She was not a mother to you at this time.

Sylvia >> I just had another memory from my past. I remember

my mom picking me > up from piano practice with this half grin look on her

face. She said, > I've got to tell you something. I said, what. She said, I

ran over > your kitten today when I was backing up in the drive way. I began

to > cry not sob not uncontrollably just cry. She said with her half grin, >

I knew you wouldn't handle it well so I waited to tell you until > tonight.

Then I remember her telling me your sister laughed but you > cried. It was

as if she was shaming me because I cried at the loss of > my cat rather than

laughed like my sister. Is this characteristic of > BPD?> > Kelley>

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[Guest guest]

Wow. Now I understand. When my parents moved abroad, I asked them to

bring along our cat. She was sort of " my " cat, in that I spent a lot

of time with her growing up. I couldn't keep the cat at the time

because I lived in a dorm room, and then in an apartment that wouldn't

accept pets. So the cat stayed with my mom at her place.

One day when I came over to my mom's place for the weekend, she told

me that she had let the cat outside. This cat had been an outdoor cat,

but she was new to the neighborhood, and wasn't familiar with her new

environment. She could go out on the porch, supervised, but she

couldn't go out the front door! My mom just let her out and didn't

bother looking after her. When she told me about it, she had this sort

of half-smile on her face. I thought it might have been discomfort or

embarrassment. More like satisfaction at having " lost " my furry

childhood companion.

Naturally, my cat never came back. I don't know what happened to her,

but I imagine she might have been run over. I should've just let my

parents give her to a good home instead of bringing her along . She

didn't deserve to die that way.

qwerty

>

> ,

>

> Her inablility to emphathize with you is certainly a symptom of

> BPD. As is her inability to assume responsibility for what she

> did. And the grin - oh - I know that grin. I hate it. She knew

> you would be upset, and my guess is that in her sick mind, she was

> happy that she was going to get an emotional reaction from you.

> Your emotional reaction made her feel 'alive'. It made her feel 'in

> control'. I am not saying that she was happy she killed the cat -

> just happy that something happened that was making her feel alive.

[Guest guest]

People with BPD can be so cruel. I'm sorry that happened to you.

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: qwerty.zanderson@...: Thu,

25 Oct 2007 17:42:33 +0000Subject: Re: Mother laughed when

she told me she ran over my kitten

Wow. Now I understand. When my parents moved abroad, I asked them tobring along

our cat. She was sort of " my " cat, in that I spent a lotof time with her growing

up. I couldn't keep the cat at the timebecause I lived in a dorm room, and then

in an apartment that wouldn'taccept pets. So the cat stayed with my mom at her

place.One day when I came over to my mom's place for the weekend, she toldme

that she had let the cat outside. This cat had been an outdoor cat,but she was

new to the neighborhood, and wasn't familiar with her newenvironment. She could

go out on the porch, supervised, but shecouldn't go out the front door! My mom

just let her out and didn'tbother looking after her. When she told me about it,

she had this sortof half-smile on her face. I thought it might have been

discomfort orembarrassment. More like satisfaction at having " lost " my

furrychildhood companion.Naturally, my cat never came back. I don't know what

happened to her,but I imagine she might have been run over. I should've just let

myparents give her to a good home instead of bringing her along . Shedidn't

deserve to die that way.qwerty>> ,> > Her inablility to emphathize with

you is certainly a symptom of > BPD. As is her inability to assume

responsibility for what she > did. And the grin - oh - I know that grin. I hate

it. She knew > you would be upset, and my guess is that in her sick mind, she

was > happy that she was going to get an emotional reaction from you. > Your

emotional reaction made her feel 'alive'. It made her feel 'in > control'. I am

not saying that she was happy she killed the cat - > just happy that something

happened that was making her feel alive.

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

I had two pets mysteriously " disappear " when I was growing up. The first was a

puppy; my folks told me they thought I needed to get rid of it AFTER they put it

to sleep. I never knew it was an issue prior to that. The second was a cat

who, as cats sometime do, went missing for a few days. When I asked mom about

it, she said " He went away. " When I asked " Away where? " she replied " Just

away... " I didn't even bother calling the vet's office to verify.

qz wrote: Wow. Now I understand. When my

parents moved abroad, I asked them to

bring along our cat. She was sort of " my " cat, in that I spent a lot

of time with her growing up. I couldn't keep the cat at the time

because I lived in a dorm room, and then in an apartment that wouldn't

accept pets. So the cat stayed with my mom at her place.

One day when I came over to my mom's place for the weekend, she told

me that she had let the cat outside. This cat had been an outdoor cat,

but she was new to the neighborhood, and wasn't familiar with her new

environment. She could go out on the porch, supervised, but she

couldn't go out the front door! My mom just let her out and didn't

bother looking after her. When she told me about it, she had this sort

of half-smile on her face. I thought it might have been discomfort or

embarrassment. More like satisfaction at having " lost " my furry

childhood companion.

Naturally, my cat never came back. I don't know what happened to her,

but I imagine she might have been run over. I should've just let my

parents give her to a good home instead of bringing her along . She

didn't deserve to die that way.

qwerty

>

> ,

>

> Her inablility to emphathize with you is certainly a symptom of

> BPD. As is her inability to assume responsibility for what she

> did. And the grin - oh - I know that grin. I hate it. She knew

> you would be upset, and my guess is that in her sick mind, she was

> happy that she was going to get an emotional reaction from you.

> Your emotional reaction made her feel 'alive'. It made her feel 'in

> control'. I am not saying that she was happy she killed the cat -

> just happy that something happened that was making her feel alive.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

>

> What is that all about? Why would they be happy to see someone else

> suffering? My mother tells me something with this tone that is:

You're

> gonna disagree, I bet, and then whatever I say it feels like she

wins! I

> can understand fear or hurt but I don't understand the actual

pleasure she

> gets from seeing someone else suffer, and nobody believes that

either in the

> family or wants to see that.

They love to be right and they love to cause chaos in the people

around them. In their twisted minds, it makes them feel in control.

Their internal world is chaotic and scary, so causing chaos among

others makes

them feel better for two reasons: they cause the chaos and therefore

feel in control, they cause other people to feel what they are feeling

and therefore feel powerful. It's the mentality of a 3 year old in a

grown-up's body.

Causing other people to suffer can make them feel powerful (having

caused the suffering), or it can make them feel needed because the

suffering party might come to them for comfort and support. This was

one of my mom's favorite tricks. She would pick at me about something

I felt insecure about until I felt so bad I began to cry. Then she

would " comfort " me about it. It was really sick.

qwerty

[Guest guest]

They didn't have the decency to tell you or even consult you, as if

you didn't deserve to know. And then they took your pet away from you.

How horrible! I'm sorry you went through that .

I think it helps to have your own animals as an adult and take really

good care of them. I think that's one reason my dh and I decided to

have both a dog and a cat. It's wonderful to provide good care for an

animal that depends on you.

qwerty

>

> I had two pets mysteriously " disappear " when I was growing up. The

first was a puppy; my folks told me they thought I needed to get rid

of it AFTER they put it to sleep. I never knew it was an issue prior

to that. The second was a cat who, as cats sometime do, went missing

for a few days. When I asked mom about it, she said " He went away. "

When I asked " Away where? " she replied " Just away... " I didn't even

bother calling the vet's office to verify.

[Guest guest]

This isn't nearly as horrible as many of your stories (I hate when animals get

hurt!), but it's

a situation that I remember very vividly from my childhood. After my mother

left my

father when I was 6, she came back a couple of years later and moved back in.

She lived

in the basement, he lived upstairs. It's a long story that I will save for

another time. Let's

just say that it was a pretty bizarre way to grow up.

Anyway, when she moved back in, she brought a cat. He was not an outdoor cat

but my

father decided to let him go outside on the assumption that the cat would figure

out how

to get along okay. My father was wrong and the cat got hit by a truck. I found

him the

next morning. My mother then went around for years talking about how my father

had

killed my cat and how this was yet another example of what a terrible person he

was. She

pulled me out of school and we went and got a new one to replace him that

afternoon.

For her, it was an opportunity to show how much better she was as a parent and a

person

than my father.

is

>> ,> >

Her inablility to emphathize with you is certainly a symptom of > BPD. As is her

inability to

assume responsibility for what she > did. And the grin - oh - I know that grin.

I hate it.

She knew > you would be upset, and my guess is that in her sick mind, she was >

happy

that she was going to get an emotional reaction from you. > Your emotional

reaction

made her feel 'alive'. It made her feel 'in > control'. I am not saying that she

was happy she

killed the cat - > just happy that something happened that was making her feel

alive.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

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power.

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>

>

[Guest guest]

My fada knew that my husband has a fondness for turtles. Once when my husband

was driving, with fada riding along, my husband stopped and helped a turtle

across the highway so it wouldn't get run over. My fada laughed at him and said

he should have just hit it. A few days later, when my fada was driving and my

DH was riding with him, my fada spotted a turtle in the road and went out of his

way to run over it. It really hurt my husband deeply to experience that. That

was one of those times that I saw that incredibly uncaring and insensitive side

of my fada.

AZC

Re: Mother laughed when

she told me she ran over my kitten

Wow. Now I understand. When my parents moved abroad, I asked them tobring along

our cat. She was sort of " my " cat, in that I spent a lotof time with her growing

up. I couldn't keep the cat at the timebecause I lived in a dorm room, and then

in an apartment that wouldn'taccept pets. So the cat stayed with my mom at her

place.One day when I came over to my mom's place for the weekend, she toldme

that she had let the cat outside. This cat had been an outdoor cat,but she was

new to the neighborhood, and wasn't familiar with her newenvironment. She could

go out on the porch, supervised, but shecouldn't go out the front door! My mom

just let her out and didn'tbother looking after her. When she told me about it,

she had this sortof half-smile on her face. I thought it might have been

discomfort orembarrassment. More like satisfaction at having " lost " my

furrychildhood companion.Naturally, my cat never came back. I don't know what

happened to her,but I imagine

she might have been run over. I should've just let myparents give her to a good

home instead of bringing her along . Shedidn't deserve to die that

way.qwerty>> ,> > Her inablility to emphathize with you is

certainly a symptom of > BPD. As is her inability to assume responsibility for

what she > did. And the grin - oh - I know that grin. I hate it. She knew > you

would be upset, and my guess is that in her sick mind, she was > happy that she

was going to get an emotional reaction from you. > Your emotional reaction made

her feel 'alive'. It made her feel 'in > control'. I am not saying that she was

happy she killed the cat - > just happy that something happened that was making

her feel alive.

_________________________________________________________________

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with star power.

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[Guest guest]

Classic BP behavior - not empathising with your feelings, being

insensitive to your feeling and then belittling you for having those

feelings.

When I told nada about the night my father died (they were divorced, I

was with him on his death bed) she started giggling. I never saw her

shed a tear for my dad (after 33 years of marriage and four children)

but she cried when she received a sympathy card from her high school

boyfriend (who had dumped her) for my dad's death.

[Guest guest]

There is also the added benefit of taking something you love away from

you, and I had a cat who disappeared that I think my nada did away with.

> >

> > What is that all about? Why would they be happy to see someone else

> > suffering? My mother tells me something with this tone that is:

> You're

> > gonna disagree, I bet, and then whatever I say it feels like she

> wins! I

> > can understand fear or hurt but I don't understand the actual

> pleasure she

> > gets from seeing someone else suffer, and nobody believes that

> either in the

> > family or wants to see that.

>

> They love to be right and they love to cause chaos in the people

> around them. In their twisted minds, it makes them feel in control.

> Their internal world is chaotic and scary, so causing chaos among

> others makes

> them feel better for two reasons: they cause the chaos and therefore

> feel in control, they cause other people to feel what they are feeling

> and therefore feel powerful. It's the mentality of a 3 year old in a

> grown-up's body.

>

> Causing other people to suffer can make them feel powerful (having

> caused the suffering), or it can make them feel needed because the

> suffering party might come to them for comfort and support. This was

> one of my mom's favorite tricks. She would pick at me about something

> I felt insecure about until I felt so bad I began to cry. Then she

> would " comfort " me about it. It was really sick.

>

> qwerty

>

[Guest guest]

That is really really sick. And under stress it is normal behavior for my

mother.

Re: Mother laughed when she told me she ran over

my kitten

>

> What is that all about? Why would they be happy to see someone else

> suffering? My mother tells me something with this tone that is:

You're

> gonna disagree, I bet, and then whatever I say it feels like she

wins! I

> can understand fear or hurt but I don't understand the actual

pleasure she

> gets from seeing someone else suffer, and nobody believes that

either in the

> family or wants to see that.

They love to be right and they love to cause chaos in the people

around them. In their twisted minds, it makes them feel in control.

Their internal world is chaotic and scary, so causing chaos among

others makes

them feel better for two reasons: they cause the chaos and therefore

feel in control, they cause other people to feel what they are feeling

and therefore feel powerful. It's the mentality of a 3 year old in a

grown-up's body.

Causing other people to suffer can make them feel powerful (having

caused the suffering), or it can make them feel needed because the

suffering party might come to them for comfort and support. This was

one of my mom's favorite tricks. She would pick at me about something

I felt insecure about until I felt so bad I began to cry. Then she

would " comfort " me about it. It was really sick.

qwerty

[Guest guest]

That was mean and insensitive -- I know my husband would have done

the same thing. He would have driven around or gotten out and moved

it if he could.

What your dad did was a definite " jab " . Hope he's pleased with

himself.

-Kyla

>>

,> > Her inablility to emphathize with you is certainly a

symptom of > BPD. As is her inability to assume responsibility for

what she > did. And the grin - oh - I know that grin. I hate it. She

knew > you would be upset, and my guess is that in her sick mind,

she was > happy that she was going to get an emotional reaction from

you. > Your emotional reaction made her feel 'alive'. It made her

feel 'in > control'. I am not saying that she was happy she killed

the cat - > just happy that something happened that was making her

feel alive.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Climb to the top of the charts! Play Star Shuffle: the word

scramble challenge with star power.

> http://club.live.com/star_shuffle.aspx?

icid=starshuffle_wlmailtextlink_oct

>

>

[Guest guest]

you may be on to something there, vegdeanna -- that is sad.

I remember once my grandmother (mom's mother in law) gave me one of

her cast offs for me to play dress up. I was small enough that the

pleated skirt was like a long dress on me! The top matched, and I

LOVED putting it on and twirling endlessly around......I wore it all

the time.

Then, suddenly it disappeared. We had a small house back then, and

there just wasn't anywhere else it would be but my room or the

laundry. I was so heartbroken. I missed it!

I mentioned it to my wonderful grandmother, who was

uncharacteristically blunt with me: she said simply " Your mother

probably got rid of it. " Of course, I never said another word

about it, but I'm glad my grandmother did that. Might have been

wrong, but it was the first indicator I had in my conscious thinking

that my mother was mean and vindictive. She hated her inlaws my

entire life. My grampa was a good guy, too. He figured out her

family was dysfunctional and she never forgave him for it.

Another time, my nada told me, with a satisfied cackle, that every

Christmas, those same grandparents sent money so she could buy

something for us from them. (Heck, even just the money would have

been a thrill!) Mom laughed when she said she just kept the money.

She didn't even realize that she shouldn't have been telling me

that. It was painful to hear, on so many levels.

-Kyla

> > >

> > > What is that all about? Why would they be happy to see

someone else

> > > suffering? My mother tells me something with this tone that

is:

> > You're

> > > gonna disagree, I bet, and then whatever I say it feels like

she

> > wins! I

> > > can understand fear or hurt but I don't understand the actual

> > pleasure she

> > > gets from seeing someone else suffer, and nobody believes that

> > either in the

> > > family or wants to see that.

> >

> > They love to be right and they love to cause chaos in the people

> > around them. In their twisted minds, it makes them feel in

control.

> > Their internal world is chaotic and scary, so causing chaos among

> > others makes

> > them feel better for two reasons: they cause the chaos and

therefore

> > feel in control, they cause other people to feel what they are

feeling

> > and therefore feel powerful. It's the mentality of a 3 year old

in a

> > grown-up's body.

> >

> > Causing other people to suffer can make them feel powerful

(having

> > caused the suffering), or it can make them feel needed because

the

> > suffering party might come to them for comfort and support. This

was

> > one of my mom's favorite tricks. She would pick at me about

something

> > I felt insecure about until I felt so bad I began to cry. Then

she

> > would " comfort " me about it. It was really sick.

> >

> > qwerty

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes Kyla, there can not possibly be a reason to get rid of those

clothes, except to spite you! But I am sure that if she could even

" remember " that incident, in her twisted mind, she would have some

" reason " for doing it.

> > > >

> > > > What is that all about? Why would they be happy to see

> someone else

> > > > suffering? My mother tells me something with this tone that

> is:

> > > You're

> > > > gonna disagree, I bet, and then whatever I say it feels like

> she

> > > wins! I

> > > > can understand fear or hurt but I don't understand the actual

> > > pleasure she

> > > > gets from seeing someone else suffer, and nobody believes that

> > > either in the

> > > > family or wants to see that.

> > >

> > > They love to be right and they love to cause chaos in the people

> > > around them. In their twisted minds, it makes them feel in

> control.

> > > Their internal world is chaotic and scary, so causing chaos among

> > > others makes

> > > them feel better for two reasons: they cause the chaos and

> therefore

> > > feel in control, they cause other people to feel what they are

> feeling

> > > and therefore feel powerful. It's the mentality of a 3 year old

> in a

> > > grown-up's body.

> > >

> > > Causing other people to suffer can make them feel powerful

> (having

> > > caused the suffering), or it can make them feel needed because

> the

> > > suffering party might come to them for comfort and support. This

> was

> > > one of my mom's favorite tricks. She would pick at me about

> something

> > > I felt insecure about until I felt so bad I began to cry. Then

> she

> > > would " comfort " me about it. It was really sick.

> > >

> > > qwerty

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Qwerty your mom didnt like it that you had another companion, the

cat. She wants to be your only companion. Thats why she is happy when

your cat was gone.

Tina

> >

> > ,

> >

> > Her inablility to emphathize with you is certainly a symptom of

> > BPD. As is her inability to assume responsibility for what she

> > did. And the grin - oh - I know that grin. I hate it. She knew

> > you would be upset, and my guess is that in her sick mind, she

was

> > happy that she was going to get an emotional reaction from you.

> > Your emotional reaction made her feel 'alive'. It made her

feel 'in

> > control'. I am not saying that she was happy she killed the cat -

> > just happy that something happened that was making her feel alive.

>

[Guest guest]

She would act a whole heck of a lot worse!!!!

Sylvia

>

>.......> Now I get it, she just doesn't like anything that could

possible take time away from her. I

> wonder how she would act if I got married and had kids. UGH

>

> L

>....

[Guest guest]

No wonder she always tried to sabatoge my relationships and is happy when they

are over.

Yet at the same time she is begging for grandchildren. If that isn't crazy

making I don't

know what is!

> >

> >.......> Now I get it, she just doesn't like anything that could

> possible take time away from her. I

> > wonder how she would act if I got married and had kids. UGH

> >

> > L

> >....

>

[Guest guest]

Tina: yup! ditto on the smiles and first serious boyfriend break-up.

It's sick.

> > > > >

> > > > > ,

> > > > >

> > > > > Her inablility to emphathize with you is certainly a

symptom

> of

> > > > > BPD. As is her inability to assume responsibility for

what

> she

> > > > > did. And the grin - oh - I know that grin. I hate it.

She

> knew

> > > > > you would be upset, and my guess is that in her sick mind,

> she

> > > was

> > > > > happy that she was going to get an emotional reaction from

> you.

> > > > > Your emotional reaction made her feel 'alive'. It made

her

> > > feel 'in

> > > > > control'. I am not saying that she was happy she killed

the

> cat -

> > >

> > > > > just happy that something happened that was making her

feel

> alive.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Yeah, When my college boyfriend and I broke up, a week later we were in

Atlantic City,

I came out of the bathroom to find Nada telling her friend how great it was and

she was

pumping her arm saying, " Yeah, they are broken up " (she smiled when she turned

around

and saw that I was watching the whole thing) That is just sick

HMMM, that was 7 years ago and I have barely had a relationship since. Makes

you think.

L

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ,

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Her inablility to emphathize with you is certainly a

> symptom

> > of

> > > > > > BPD. As is her inability to assume responsibility for

> what

> > she

> > > > > > did. And the grin - oh - I know that grin. I hate it.

> She

> > knew

> > > > > > you would be upset, and my guess is that in her sick mind,

> > she

> > > > was

> > > > > > happy that she was going to get an emotional reaction from

> > you.

> > > > > > Your emotional reaction made her feel 'alive'. It made

> her

> > > > feel 'in

> > > > > > control'. I am not saying that she was happy she killed

> the

> > cat -

> > > >

> > > > > > just happy that something happened that was making her

> feel

> > alive.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>