am I in the right place?

[Guest guest]

Hi, I feel silly writing this letter. I'm a grown woman with mommy

issues. When I saw Mommy Dearest, about the life of and Joan

Crawford years ago, I realized I wasn't alone. My mom was a beauty and

everyone loved her. Her social personality was larger than life. Her

at home mommy personality was scarier than life. It was confusing

growing up. She was abusive, but afterwards there were always the

rewards and kindness that sometimes made it seem not so bad. She was an

enigma that's for sure and a mystery, but sometimes completely

transparent. She abused drugs, alcohol, my grandma, us kids and her

self. As a teenager, I finally turned her into the police one day and

of course she charmed her way out of it. It went to court and the

stress caused her to show her true colors in the court room and she

attacked me right after she claimed to never have laid a hand on me

ever. Her rights as a mother were taken away and I was free. ...but not

really. I continued to get sucked in time after time. I would get

strong and break away and then she would put on the charm and I would

slowly get pulled in, never realizing it until I was so far in the well

that I couldn't get out. Anyhow, she has become more visibly mentally

ill and my step dad and I might have to take action. We are both scared

to death. I know it sounds stupid. But we are afraid of her. Her

wrath is one of the most frightening things ever. A few years ago

during several phone conversations I thought I heard a tape recorder

when ever we talked. I blew it off because I thought I was being

paranoid. I confided in brother about this and he thought he was

hearing the same thing. Well, eventually I went to visit her back home,

I found a tape recording device hooked up to her bedroom phone. She

admitted that she tapes everything and made no apology for it. I was

shocked. She has been recording phone conversations in the past few

years between she and I, where she will say something like a friend of

mine was mean to her the other day and I will add, oh, don't worry,

can sometimes come off that way to people or don't take it

personally she is like that to me sometimes. Now, if my friend heard

that statement, it would crush her, but I was, and I know it's not

normal, but I was just trying to help my mom to not take it personally.

I know now that I'm not helping her at all or most of all not helping

myself. I understand now that I'm part of the problem too. So, the

years have only made her worse. My step dad and I want to confront her

and do some type of an intervention because even though she's receiving

behavior health care regularly, she's only getting worse. I think she's

manipulating her counselor. But now if I make her mad, I know that

she's going to send those tapes to my girlfriend or who ever else I said

something stupid about. I confided somethings about my personal life

that I know are on those tapes too, that could hurt someone I'm sure.

Not long ago my mom took tape recordings of her mother in law, who was

92 at the time, and in my mothers words, she was going to take her down,

and let her family know all the stuff that crazy old woman says about

all of them. (the step grandma was actually very sweet and kind)

Anyhow, it was a disaster and Mom never got to play the tapes, the

family of in laws threw her out the door before my mom could play the

tapes, and then my mom tried to kill herself that same day. Her evil

plan did not work and it only backfired. This year I became very sick,

although after a year I'm getting much better, and anyhow I became

vulnerable and needed my mom, thought I was going to die, and I got

sucked in again and now I don't know how to get out. So we are

planning an intervention of some sort because now my mom has developed

hoarding and a bad case of shopping. A 3,000 square foot home and not

an inch of space to move, it's full of new things and old things that

are piled as high as 7 feet to the ceiling. No place to sit or sleep or

make a sandwich. It's a whole new issue. Anyhow, I know this is all

crazy stuff. Can borderlines be this out of control? Am I in the right

support group. Or do I need a nutty anonymous support group? I'm,

sorry if that's inappropriate, but sometimes it feels better to laugh

about these things. I know that they aren't funny and sometimes I don't

laugh about them and I still cry a lot. She can take me back to that

scared little girl with just a few words. It's truly amazing, and I

feel that I'm a strong woman, but at 40 I am still trying to get her

approval. I just started reading eh " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book.

It's helped a lot, but my mom is 60 and my dad feels that there is no

way she is going to change. It's gone too far. And now we feel trapped

and don't know what to do. Any advice out there? Please send my way.

I am not even sure if she's borderline. but very likely. Thank you so

much for listening to this long story.

Tgirl.