Vicky and .

[Guest guest]

Dear Vicky and , My heart breaks for both of you because you are faced with the hospice question. It really gives you an opportunity to really explore your feelings. , I like what you said, I'm doing this when I'm ready, not when my family is ready. It is ultimately your decision. Vicky I totally understand what you are saying about your daughter. Mine just turned 20 and doesn't like me to voice anything negative. When my mother in law went for chemo because of her leukemia with only a 50 % chance of remission, I said I wasn't sure I would go through it (My mil is 84) The first thing my daughter said is you would just give up. It's not a matter of giving up. It's a matter of the "quality" of life. If hospice would help me along my journey, so be it. I will continue to keep you both in my prayers. I love you both and here's a big hug for

you. HUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. Can anyone recommend good books they've been reading? I know Kubler Ross was mentioned. Sometimes it helps to read information from people who have been there before. Leanne uip 1/03 in IllinoisLadyvic1@... wrote: HI

all, This may seem long winded but its been on my mind for a while now. I think Carolyn's situation just made me look at my situation more seriously. To start with, for those of you that don't know I was diagnosed with IPF in April of 06. A lung biopsy also showed Pulmonary Hemosiderosis. Then in Oct, University of MI specialist said I also have Pulmonary Hypertension. He was quite frank, told me I wouldn't see Christmas 2007, that the deck is stacked against me, and that I probably wouldn't live long enough to even lose the weight I needed to and even SEE if I qualified for a double lung and heart transplant. I see the heart specialist on the 23rd of this month, which I'm sure she'll want to do a heart cath. I also changed pulmonary drs at U of Mi, as I felt this character was so "negative" I couldn't handle seeing him again. Here's my situation. I'm going to see the heart dr and the new pulmonogist, BUT......if things are as bad as they say, I'm thinking about bringing

in Hospice. I will say since June , my breathing is worse and my chest pain much more often. In Oct, the dr did tell me that I wet downhill drastically in just 3 months. I know if I call in Hospice, it rules out any work towards or chances of a transplant. But if I'm not gonna live long enough to even run the tests for one, why bother? My question is this, how can I convince my daughter who is 24 that this is what I want? She always says to me things like, " what about when you said you were gonna fight this to the end , etc and why are you giving up?" She just doesn't understand the pain and exhaustion that goes along with this monster everyday. I will have 3 bad weeks, then maybe a good day. I see my friends starting new jobs in management and here I sit, planning my funeral or wondering, will I have enough energy to do laundry tomorrow? I'm just so tired, depressed a little but not horrible like I have been before. This disease has consumed my life, my

thoughts, everything since I found out I had it. I try to live a normal life, but what's normal anymore? 31 pills a day, oxygen 24/7. Chest pain, back pain, weakness, exhaustion. I'm sorry I know I'm rambling on, but you guys are really the only ones that can relate and understand. So what do I do? With much love, Vicky81856 __________________________________________________