Guest guest Posted November 30, 2006 Report Share Posted November 30, 2006 Come to Illinois we are to get 8 to 12 inches of snow over night Pjaime wrote: one other thing on my list is to see snow close up and be able to play in it at least once..........jaime>> speaking of lists.........> > some of the things that were on mine were and are:> > cave exploration....done that> > rock climbing.....attempted that> > hot air ballooning.....very expensive but working towards it> > parasailing.........maybe next summer if God is willing.> > a dream not to come true.........to sing a very old Reba Mcentire > song called "everytime you touch her" but to sing it on a real > stage......yep that's never gonna happen. lol> > master hebrew........i'm working on that now. just to read and > understand, not speak it. my tongue doesn't work the right way for > that. lol> > ice skating..........come on we live in Texas where the temps get > over 100 degrees in the summer.....where am i gonna ice skate at??? > lol> > to jitterbug just once more with my mom without running out of > breath and having to stop halfway through the song.........now if > anyone here knows how to jitterbug, you know what i mean. too many > steps too fast and poof no air! (i'm still relatively able to 2 step > through a whole song) guess i shouldn't complain too much.> > still adding more all the time..........> > EG 10-05> Check out the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 30, 2006 Report Share Posted November 30, 2006 What is this list thing?? DREAM BIG. These lists are so sad to me it's like what are ya gonna do when you finish the list???????????????? Love and Prayers, Peggy 9/04 ipf Florida one other thing on my list is to see snow close up and be able to play in it at least once.......... jaime > > speaking of lists......... > > some of the things that were on mine were and are: > > cave exploration....done that > > rock climbing.....attempted that > > hot air ballooning.....very expensive but working towards it > > parasailing.........maybe next summer if God is willing. > > a dream not to come true.........to sing a very old Reba Mcentire > song called " everytime you touch her " but to sing it on a real > stage......yep that's never gonna happen. lol > > master hebrew........i'm working on that now. just to read and > understand, not speak it. my tongue doesn't work the right way for > that. lol > > ice skating..........come on we live in Texas where the temps get > over 100 degrees in the summer.....where am i gonna ice skate at??? > lol > > to jitterbug just once more with my mom without running out of > breath and having to stop halfway through the song.........now if > anyone here knows how to jitterbug, you know what i mean. too many > steps too fast and poof no air! (i'm still relatively able to 2 step > through a whole song) guess i shouldn't complain too much. > > still adding more all the time.......... > > EG 10-05 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 , come and see me. We have a foot of snow and more falling. You can play in the snow by shoveling my driveway. I live in the far north suburbs of Chicago and it is really coming down this morning. The kids who didn't have school are out playing in it. Glolajaime wrote: then we'll start a new list.....DUH! EG 10-05> >> > speaking of lists.........> > > > some of the things that were on mine were and are:> > > > cave exploration....done that> > > > rock climbing.....attempted that> > > > hot air ballooning.....very expensive but working towards it> > > > parasailing.........maybe next summer if God is willing.> > > > a dream not to come true.........to sing a very old Reba Mcentire> > song called "everytime you touch her" but to sing it on a real> > stage......yep that's never gonna happen. lol> > > > master hebrew........i'm working on that now. just to read and> > understand, not speak it. my tongue doesn't work the right way for> > that. lol> > > > ice skating..........come on we live in Texas where the temps get> > over 100 degrees in the summer.....where am i gonna ice skate> at??? > > lol> > > > to jitterbug just once more with my mom without running out of> > breath and having to stop halfway through the song.........now if> > anyone here knows how to jitterbug, you know what i mean. too many> > steps too fast and poof no air! (i'm still relatively able to 2> step > > through a whole song) guess i shouldn't complain too much.> > > > still adding more all the time..........> > > > EG 10-05> >> Cheap Talk? Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 Joy...I know the feelings of having a son remove himself from your life. My son has done the same thing. Haven't even spoken in four years now. No matter how many times I make amends for what happened 40 years ago, he cannot/will not forgive me..... I tell myself now, I didn't cause it and I can't change it. Good Ala-Non teaching. Love. Sher ipf 5-06 "Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there" Re: Re: My list He's got a pretty big hate for me and no one knows why. Both my children are adopted...my daughter is close to me. My son has ordered me out of his life, and that I'm not a grandmother, or mother to h im. And to cease trying to talk with him. He's 39 now...think the time has well passed....jaime <laddergalhotmail> wrote: awwww that is soooo sad.that is an awful thing for someone to do and i have yet to hear any reason that i believe in my heart of hearts warrants that kind of treatment. not only is it hard on you but also to your grand daughter and hopefully your son will come to realize that in the near future....before it's too late. EG 10-05>> 1. Go to New York - done> 2. Go to Norway - done> 3. Go back to Germany - done> 4. Take cruise ship to Alaska - hopefully, in May> 5. Hawaii - hopefully, February> 6. Enjoy my husband of two years - doing that> 7. Enjoying my dogs - doing that> 8. I'm sure there is more...? Definately...Hawaii - been dreaming > about it for many years. All I want is some sand and my own cove> of glorious blue water to lay in.> 9. Oh,yes - see my granddaughter - not allowed by son.> Joy 3/6 IPF> Joy (IPF 3/06) Today is a gift for each of us. Enjoy it. Access over 1 million songs - Yahoo! Music Unlimited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 I feel for both of you Joy and Sher. All 5 of my children have abandoned me. As soon as they saw my health was declining and I might need assistance before long they grabbed onto the first thing that came their way as a reason to not have anything to do with me. Unfortunately that "thing" was my son who lives near me, (the others live in other states) telling a horrible lie about me knowing he was being abused by someone and allowing it. The reason he did this was that I asked him to take some time to help me with a household emergency and he was busy getting ready for a cruise instead. He didnt help me and we suffered for it. He must have felt guilty for as soon as his siblings asked him to explain why he didnt help me out, he came up with his lie. Of course he has been a chronic liar for years and they know that but it was a good opportunity to cut me off, no contact, no calls, no letters, nothing. I have 8 grandchildren aged from 2 -14 who I no longer see. Talk about pain. I suffer with chronic severe pain from some injuries, but no pain is as bad as the pain children can cause you in your heart. I truly know how you both feel and I feel bad for all of us. What is even sadder is that their own children will learn how to treat them from this experience. Carolyn Sher K Bauman wrote: Joy...I know the feelings of having a son remove himself from your life. My son has done the same thing. Haven't even spoken in four years now. No matter how many times I make amends for what happened 40 years ago, he cannot/will not forgive me..... I tell myself now, I didn't cause it and I can't change it. Good Ala-Non teaching. Love. Sher ipf 5-06 "Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there" Re: Re: My list He's got a pretty big hate for me and no one knows why. Both my children are adopted...my daughter is close to me. My son has ordered me out of his life, and that I'm not a grandmother, or mother to h im. And to cease trying to talk with him. He's 39 now...think the time has well passed....jaime <laddergalhotmail> wrote: awwww that is soooo sad.that is an awful thing for someone to do and i have yet to hear any reason that i believe in my heart of hearts warrants that kind of treatment. not only is it hard on you but also to your grand daughter and hopefully your son will come to realize that in the near future....before it's too late. EG 10-05>> 1. Go to New York - done> 2. Go to Norway - done> 3. Go back to Germany - done> 4. Take cruise ship to Alaska - hopefully, in May> 5. Hawaii - hopefully, February> 6. Enjoy my husband of two years - doing that> 7. Enjoying my dogs - doing that> 8. I'm sure there is more...? Definately...Hawaii - been dreaming > about it for many years. All I want is some sand and my own cove> of glorious blue water to lay in.> 9. Oh,yes - see my granddaughter - not allowed by son.> Joy 3/6 IPF> Joy (IPF 3/06) Today is a gift for each of us. Enjoy it. Access over 1 million songs - Yahoo! Music Unlimited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 Dear Gale: I am seeing a trend in the next generation and that is they go through rebelliousness, then they seek "counseling" to find excuses their own bad behaviour. The "counselors blame it on the mothers (regardless of how good a mom you are, you made mistakes and they point those out and amplify them) and the child builds up that hate for the mother as an excuse for their own poor choices in life. In order to strengthen this error in thinking they cannot have a relationship with their mother for to do so would show them that they were loved and cherished by their mothers and though their mothers made mistakes, none were done to cause harm to them. By staying away they can put the truth out of their mind and continue to believe the false conception they have concocted with their "counselors". Now I am not saying that some children have not been abused, some of us here have been and have sought therapy and do have legitimate complaints against parents, but we do not blame our own bad behaviour on them but rather we seek to understand only why we are so hard on ourselves and then try to have a healthier outlook on life. But this new generation is being taught to blame everyone but themselves for what goes wrong in their life and they have learned this well. Parents are now to blame if their children commit murder or other crimes, if they turn to drugs or alcohol, if they desert their own families and if they are too lazy to work. What is amazing is even in familes of more than one child, if the other children turn out great, that one child who doesnt do well, still blames the parents. Either the training and upbringing was good or it was bad, it cant be both, but in today's society it can. In no other generation have we seen so much of children abandoning their parents. By abandoning parents it alleviates the child from responsibility for caring for their parents when they become aged and infirm. They need a good excuse to do this though and so it becomes necessary to find a way to put the parent in such a bad light as to warrant their abandonment. Though we know they will answer to Jehovah for this, it does not ease the awful pain in our hearts when the baby we suckled, the child we comforted, the teenager we taught and the young adult we trained in responsibility, turns their back on us and gives us the false title of "Bad Parent". It helps us though to understand how Jehovah must feel when those on earth blame him for all the ills of mankind, even the death of their loved ones. His heart must hurt greatly just as ours does. I am sorry you have to endure this as well. Love, Carolyngale17444@... wrote: I have a daughter who is now 46 yrs old. Since she graduated from high school she has been in and out of my life by her own choice. I haven't seen or heard from her in over ten years. I know she married, lives somewhere in TX and hates my guts. Don't know why and I don't even care anymore. I never got to know her 3 children.. unless they needed money and now I don't even know where they are. They know where I am. I'm in the same boat as some of you. She isn't mad, we have not had a fight.. a mystery. She just up and left and has been on the run and up to no good for all these years. To heck with her. Gale in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2006 Report Share Posted December 1, 2006 My list. I stand by it. Joyjaime wrote: then we'll start a new list.....DUH! EG 10-05> >> > speaking of lists.........> > > > some of the things that were on mine were and are:> > > > cave exploration....done that> > > > rock climbing.....attempted that> > > > hot air ballooning.....very expensive but working towards it> > > > parasailing.........maybe next summer if God is willing.> > > > a dream not to come true.........to sing a very old Reba Mcentire> > song called "everytime you touch her" but to sing it on a real> > stage......yep that's never gonna happen. lol> > > > master hebrew........i'm working on that now. just to read and> > understand, not speak it. my tongue doesn't work the right way for> > that. lol> > > > ice skating..........come on we live in Texas where the temps get> > over 100 degrees in the summer.....where am i gonna ice skate> at??? > > lol> > > > to jitterbug just once more with my mom without running out of> > breath and having to stop halfway through the song.........now if> > anyone here knows how to jitterbug, you know what i mean. too many> > steps too fast and poof no air! (i'm still relatively able to 2> step > > through a whole song) guess i shouldn't complain too much.> > > > still adding more all the time..........> > > > EG 10-05> >>Joy (IPF 3/06) Today is a gift for each of us. Enjoy it. Access over 1 million songs - Yahoo! Music Unlimited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 Carolyn...with all due respect I disagree with your post re: parent-bashing between counselors and adult-children. Since the subject affects some of us here on the board I'd like to express my feelings.... GOOD counselors do not blame parents. It is a counselor's job to address the behavior/pain of the person sitting in front of them. Yes, information and background are taken and double yes, there are many many kids (now adults) with cruel, tragic, violent and inexcusable behavior in their background. Many absent adult-children have had none of these experiences. Blame is a no-winner. It's a good excuse for one to remain stagnant. An effective way to teach others how to blame is by blaming! A GOOD counselor will try to help a person come to terms with their hurt/pain and discuss ways to lessen it not enlarge it by encouraging blame on others. In order to strengthen this error in thinking they cannot have a relationship with their mother for to do so would show them that they were loved and cherished by their mothers and though their mothers made mistakes, none were done to cause harm to them. By staying away they can put the truth out of their mind and continue to believe the false conception they have concocted with their "counselors". Children frequently stay away because they cannot or will not take responsibility for the part they play in a fractured/aborted relationship..and/or have not been called to accountability for their behavior. If an adult-child needs to justify/protect their behavior, what better way then to blame the parent(s)? By abandoning parents it alleviates the child from responsibility for caring for their parents when they become aged and infirm. They need a good excuse to do this though and so it becomes necessary to find a way to put the parent in such a bad light as to warrant their abandonment. I personally do not believe our generation sets new records for parental abandonment. Year in and year out there are problems in families and who abandons whom is an age old cry... I do not think adult-children abandon parents because they do not want to care for them. It's waaaay more complicated than that. IF each parent/adult-child could sit and talk and sift it out and sift it out and sift it out, there would be revealed a deep-seated-hurt that has never been resolved. Guilt and/or shame or not feeling 'heard', on either side, contributes to a break. I think each parent who "feels abandoned" can trace it back...further back...do it again, and come up with an idea of what happened in their family. I'm not referring to "who is at fault" only that we do know more about why our families are fractured than we think at first pain. I know why my son is alienated from me. I adopted him out when he was 2....it's a long story....he is now 44 and cannot/will not forgive me even though I've made amends on countless occasions and even legally adopted him back! Writing my book was primarily for my son...to tell the "secrets" harbored in my family. My son is also gay, with AIDS and a sociopath. So these things color his behavior and blaming me relieves him of all "action" on his part except what pleases him. He doesn't get mad, he gets even. To everything I've said here I know there is an exception and I know there are parents who may "not know" why their kids are not present in their lives. For we parents, we must forgive our adult-children if we are to have peace. Forgiveness doesn't say "it's ok what you do" it says "I have no control over what you do". I encourage every parent to reach out 'again'. Not for the kids but for us. I want no stone left mired in the mud when my last days are present and it's then too late to find someone I love. When there is no reconciliation possible, then letting go with love feels better in the gut and we allow others to be who they are. Yes it hurts and yeah, it isn't always fair but sometimes we have no choice then simply letting go of the things we cannot change and giving it to God. Thanks for reading this long reply. Sher ipf 5-06 "Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there" Re: Re: My list Dear Gale: I am seeing a trend in the next generation and that is they go through rebelliousness, then they seek "counseling" to find excuses their own bad behaviour. The "counselors blame it on the mothers (regardless of how good a mom you are, you made mistakes and they point those out and amplify them) and the child builds up that hate for the mother as an excuse for their own poor choices in life. Now I am not saying that some children have not been abused, some of us here have been and have soug! ht therapy and do have legitimate complaints against parents, but we do not blame our own bad behaviour on them but rather we seek to understand only why we are so hard on ourselves and then try to have a healthier outlook on life. But this new generation is being taught to blame everyone but themselves for what goes wrong in their life and they have learned this well. Parents are now to blame if their children commit murder or other crimes, if they turn to drugs or alcohol, if they desert their own families and if they are too lazy to work. What is amazing is even in familes of more than one child, if the other children turn out great, that one child who doesnt do well, still blames the parents. Either the training and upbringing was good or it was bad, it cant be both, but in today's society it can. In no other generation have we seen so much of children abandoning their parents. Though we know they will answer to Jehovah for this, it does not ease the awful pain in our hearts when the baby we suckled, the child we comforted, the teenager we taught and the young adult we trained in responsibility, turns their back on us and gives us the false title of "Bad Parent". It helps us though to understand how Jehovah must feel when those on earth blame him for all the ills of mankind, even the death of their loved ones. His heart must hurt greatly just as ours does. I am sorry you have to endure this as well. Love, Carolyngale17444aol wrote: I have a daughter who is now 46 yrs old. Since she graduated from high school she has been in and out of my life by her own choice. I haven't seen or heard from her in over ten years. I know she married, lives somewhere in TX and hates my guts. Don't know why and I don't even care anymore. I never got to know her 3 children.. unless they needed money and now I don't even know where they are. They know where I am. I'm in the same boat as some of you. She isn't mad, we have not had a fight.. a mystery. She just up and left and has been on the run and up to no good for all these years. To heck with her. Gale in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 Well said Sher! Louse/ipf/96Sher K Bauman wrote: Carolyn...with all due respect I disagree with your post re: parent-bashing between counselors and adult-children. Since the subject affects some of us here on the board I'd like to express my feelings.... GOOD counselors do not blame parents. It is a counselor's job to address the behavior/pain of the person sitting in front of them. Yes, information and background are taken and double yes, there are many many kids (now adults) with cruel, tragic, violent and inexcusable behavior in their background. Many absent adult-children have had none of these experiences. Blame is a no-winner. It's a good excuse for one to remain stagnant. An effective way to teach others how to blame is by blaming! A GOOD counselor will try to help a person come to terms with their hurt/pain and discuss ways to lessen it not enlarge it by encouraging blame on others. In order to strengthen this error in thinking they cannot have a relationship with their mother for to do so would show them that they were loved and cherished by their mothers and though their mothers made mistakes, none were done to cause harm to them. By staying away they can put the truth out of their mind and continue to believe the false conception they have concocted with their "counselors". Children frequently stay away because they cannot or will not take responsibility for the part they play in a fractured/aborted relationship..and/or have not been called to accountability for their behavior. If an adult-child needs to justify/protect their behavior, what better way then to blame the parent(s)? By abandoning parents it alleviates the child from responsibility for caring for their parents when they become aged and infirm. They need a good excuse to do this though and so it becomes necessary to find a way to put the parent in such a bad light as to warrant their abandonment. I personally do not believe our generation sets new records for parental abandonment. Year in and year out there are problems in families and who abandons whom is an age old cry... I do not think adult-children abandon parents because they do not want to care for them. It's waaaay more complicated than that. IF each parent/adult-child could sit and talk and sift it out and sift it out and sift it out, there would be revealed a deep-seated-hurt that has never been resolved. Guilt and/or shame or not feeling 'heard', on either side, contributes to a break. I think each parent who "feels abandoned" can trace it back...further back...do it again, and come up with an idea of what happened in their family. I'm not referring to "who is at fault" only that we do know more about why our families are fractured than we think at first pain. I know why my son is alienated from me. I adopted him out when he was 2....it's a long story....he is now 44 and cannot/will not forgive me even though I've made amends on countless occasions and even legally adopted him back! Writing my book was primarily for my son...to tell the "secrets" harbored in my family. My son is also gay, with AIDS and a sociopath. So these things color his behavior and blaming me relieves him of all "action" on his part except what pleases him. He doesn't get mad, he gets even. To everything I've said here I know there is an exception and I know there are parents who may "not know" why their kids are not present in their lives. For we parents, we must forgive our adult-children if we are to have peace. Forgiveness doesn't say "it's ok what you do" it says "I have no control over what you do". I encourage every parent to reach out 'again'. Not for the kids but for us. I want no stone left mired in the mud when my last days are present and it's then too late to find someone I love. When there is no reconciliation possible, then letting go with love feels better in the gut and we allow others to be who they are. Yes it hurts and yeah, it isn't always fair but sometimes we have no choice then simply letting go of the things we cannot change and giving it to God. Thanks for reading this long reply. Sher ipf 5-06 "Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there" Re: Re: My list Dear Gale: I am seeing a trend in the next generation and that is they go through rebelliousness, then they seek "counseling" to find excuses their own bad behaviour. The "counselors blame it on the mothers (regardless of how good a mom you are, you made mistakes and they point those out and amplify them) and the child builds up that hate for the mother as an excuse for their own poor choices in life. Now I am not saying that some children have not been abused, some of us here have been and have soug! ht therapy and do have legitimate complaints against parents, but we do not blame our own bad behaviour on them but rather we seek to understand only why we are so hard on ourselves and then try to have a healthier outlook on life. But this new generation is being taught to blame everyone but themselves for what goes wrong in their life and they have learned this well. Parents are now to blame if their children commit murder or other crimes, if they turn to drugs or alcohol, if they desert their own families and if they are too lazy to work. What is amazing is even in familes of more than one child, if the other children turn out great, that one child who doesnt do well, still blames the parents. Either the training and upbringing was good or it was bad, it cant be both, but in today's society it can. In no other generation have we seen so much of children abandoning their parents. Though we know they will answer to Jehovah for this, it does not ease the awful pain in our hearts when the baby we suckled, the child we comforted, the teenager we taught and the young adult we trained in responsibility, turns their back on us and gives us the false title of "Bad Parent". It helps us though to understand how Jehovah must feel when those on earth blame him for all the ills of mankind, even the death of their loved ones. His heart must hurt greatly just as ours does. I am sorry you have to endure this as well. Love, Carolyngale17444aol wrote: I have a daughter who is now 46 yrs old. Since she graduated from high school she has been in and out of my life by her own choice. I haven't seen or heard from her in over ten years. I know she married, lives somewhere in TX and hates my guts. Don't know why and I don't even care anymore. I never got to know her 3 children.. unless they needed money and now I don't even know where they are. They know where I am. I'm in the same boat as some of you. She isn't mad, we have not had a fight.. a mystery. She just up and left and has been on the run and up to no good for all these years. To heck with her. Gale in TX Want to start your own business? Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 Dear Sher: I dont disagree with much of what you say. If you look again at what I wrote I put the word counselors in quotes ("counselors"). That was to show that I was not referring to Professional conscientious practitioners but rather to individuals, who either are untrained or who express biased views in their counseling. These are the type of persons, I feel, that these young persons seek out in order to validate their personal belief system. I am sorry if I gave the wrong impression. I think we all have somewhat different views of this based on personal experiences. I am truly sorry your son cannot see it to forgive you for what he feels has been done to him. Carolyn Sher K Bauman wrote: Carolyn...with all due respect I disagree with your post re: parent-bashing between counselors and adult-children. Since the subject affects some of us here on the board I'd like to express my feelings.... GOOD counselors do not blame parents. It is a counselor's job to address the behavior/pain of the person sitting in front of them. Yes, information and background are taken and double yes, there are many many kids (now adults) with cruel, tragic, violent and inexcusable behavior in their background. Many absent adult-children have had none of these experiences. Blame is a no-winner. It's a good excuse for one to remain stagnant. An effective way to teach others how to blame is by blaming! A GOOD counselor will try to help a person come to terms with their hurt/pain and discuss ways to lessen it not enlarge it by encouraging blame on others. In order to strengthen this error in thinking they cannot have a relationship with their mother for to do so would show them that they were loved and cherished by their mothers and though their mothers made mistakes, none were done to cause harm to them. By staying away they can put the truth out of their mind and continue to believe the false conception they have concocted with their "counselors". Children frequently stay away because they cannot or will not take responsibility for the part they play in a fractured/aborted relationship..and/or have not been called to accountability for their behavior. If an adult-child needs to justify/protect their behavior, what better way then to blame the parent(s)? By abandoning parents it alleviates the child from responsibility for caring for their parents when they become aged and infirm. They need a good excuse to do this though and so it becomes necessary to find a way to put the parent in such a bad light as to warrant their abandonment. I personally do not believe our generation sets new records for parental abandonment. Year in and year out there are problems in families and who abandons whom is an age old cry... I do not think adult-children abandon parents because they do not want to care for them. It's waaaay more complicated than that. IF each parent/adult-child could sit and talk and sift it out and sift it out and sift it out, there would be revealed a deep-seated-hurt that has never been resolved. Guilt and/or shame or not feeling 'heard', on either side, contributes to a break. I think each parent who "feels abandoned" can trace it back...further back...do it again, and come up with an idea of what happened in their family. I'm not referring to "who is at fault" only that we do know more about why our families are fractured than we think at first pain. I know why my son is alienated from me. I adopted him out when he was 2....it's a long story....he is now 44 and cannot/will not forgive me even though I've made amends on countless occasions and even legally adopted him back! Writing my book was primarily for my son...to tell the "secrets" harbored in my family. My son is also gay, with AIDS and a sociopath. So these things color his behavior and blaming me relieves him of all "action" on his part except what pleases him. He doesn't get mad, he gets even. To everything I've said here I know there is an exception and I know there are parents who may "not know" why their kids are not present in their lives. For we parents, we must forgive our adult-children if we are to have peace. Forgiveness doesn't say "it's ok what you do" it says "I have no control over what you do". I encourage every parent to reach out 'again'. Not for the kids but for us. I want no stone left mired in the mud when my last days are present and it's then too late to find someone I love. When there is no reconciliation possible, then letting go with love feels better in the gut and we allow others to be who they are. Yes it hurts and yeah, it isn't always fair but sometimes we have no choice then simply letting go of the things we cannot change and giving it to God. Thanks for reading this long reply. Sher ipf 5-06 "Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there" Re: Re: My list Dear Gale: I am seeing a trend in the next generation and that is they go through rebelliousness, then they seek "counseling" to find excuses their own bad behaviour. The "counselors blame it on the mothers (regardless of how good a mom you are, you made mistakes and they point those out and amplify them) and the child builds up that hate for the mother as an excuse for their own poor choices in life. Now I am not saying that some children have not been abused, some of us here have been and have soug! ht therapy and do have legitimate complaints against parents, but we do not blame our own bad behaviour on them but rather we seek to understand only why we are so hard on ourselves and then try to have a healthier outlook on life. But this new generation is being taught to blame everyone but themselves for what goes wrong in their life and they have learned this well. Parents are now to blame if their children commit murder or other crimes, if they turn to drugs or alcohol, if they desert their own families and if they are too lazy to work. What is amazing is even in familes of more than one child, if the other children turn out great, that one child who doesnt do well, still blames the parents. Either the training and upbringing was good or it was bad, it cant be both, but in today's society it can. In no other generation have we seen so much of children abandoning their parents. Though we know they will answer to Jehovah for this, it does not ease the awful pain in our hearts when the baby we suckled, the child we comforted, the teenager we taught and the young adult we trained in responsibility, turns their back on us and gives us the false title of "Bad Parent". It helps us though to understand how Jehovah must feel when those on earth blame him for all the ills of mankind, even the death of their loved ones. His heart must hurt greatly just as ours does. I am sorry you have to endure this as well. Love, Carolyngale17444aol wrote: I have a daughter who is now 46 yrs old. Since she graduated from high school she has been in and out of my life by her own choice. I haven't seen or heard from her in over ten years. I know she married, lives somewhere in TX and hates my guts. Don't know why and I don't even care anymore. I never got to know her 3 children.. unless they needed money and now I don't even know where they are. They know where I am. I'm in the same boat as some of you. She isn't mad, we have not had a fight.. a mystery. She just up and left and has been on the run and up to no good for all these years. To heck with her. Gale in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 Carolyn....yes, my son did have something done to him that was out of his control. He was a child and he is bitter. Letting go has saved my sanity. We are both good people but there is nothing like family! Have a good one. Sher "Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there" Re: Re: My list Dear Gale: I am seeing a trend in the next generation and that is they go through rebelliousness, then they seek "counseling" to find excuses their own bad behaviour. The "counselors blame it on the mothers (regardless of how good a mom you are, you made mistakes and they point those out and amplify them) and the child builds up that hate for the mother as an excuse for their own poor choices in life. Now I am not saying that some children have not been abused, some of us here have been and have soug! ht therapy and do have legitimate complaints against parents, b! ut we do not blame our own bad behaviour on them but rather we seek to understand only why we are so hard on ourselves and then try to have a healthier outlook on life. But this new generation is being taught to blame everyone but themselves for what goes wrong in their life and they have learned this well. Parents are now to blame if their children commit murder or other crimes, if they turn to drugs or alcohol, if they desert their own families and if they are too lazy to work. What is amazing is even in familes of more than one child, if the other children turn out great, that one child who doesnt do well, still blames the parents. Either the training and upbringing was good or it was bad, it cant be both, but in today's society it can. In no other generation have we seen so much of children abandoning their parents. Though we know they will answer to Jehovah for this, it does not ease the awful pain in our hearts when the baby we suckled, the child we comforted, the teenager we taught and the young adult we trained in responsibility, turns their back on us and gives us the false title of "Bad Parent". It helps us though to understand how Jehovah must feel when those on earth blame him for all the ills of mankind, even the death of their loved ones. His heart must hurt greatly just as ours does. I am sorry you have to endure this as well. Love, Carolyngale17444aol wrote: I have a daughter who is now 46 yrs old. Since she graduated from high school she has been in and out of my life by her own choice. I haven't seen or heard from her in over ten years. I know she married, lives somewhere in TX and hates my guts. Don't know why and I don't even care anymore. & nb! sp; I never got to know her 3 children.. unless they needed money and now I don't even know where they are. They know where I am. I'm in the same boat as some of you. She isn't mad, we have not had a fight.. a mystery. She just up and left and has been on the run and up to no good for all these years. To heck with her. Gale in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 2, 2006 Report Share Posted December 2, 2006 Barbara...I too hope MY post didn't agitate anyone. My point is just what you say Barbara. We cannot (successfully) play the blame game and we do each have to own our mistakes and forgive. I think it is so important for "us" to get a strong hold on these truths. I'm sure none of us wants to die ridden with guilt or regret. I certainly had my share and had to find a way to resolve my emotional issues or I may have, at one time, taken my own life. That is the depth my emotions took. There are few things to which I cannot relate. I too spent time in psych wards...when I was so overwhelmed and did not know what I have learned. People, places and things are not my problem....I am my problem! When I learned that truth my life began to turn around and I was 42! Like me, you DID know the reason for the alienation from your son and I'm so glad it has resolved itself. I'm sure your son will be there when you really need him as well. He sounds like a generous and caring man who harbors no resentment. A good way for all to heal. Love, Sher ipf 5-0-6 "Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there" Re: My list Sher, I was alienated from my son for 12 years because he just desided not to have anything to do with his mom. A lot of the problem was his girl friend at the time it started. She was an athiest and she got tired of me talking to her about God when I called my son. I felt it was my job to talk him about God because I did not want something to happen to him and him not know who Jesus Christ is. Then after he broke up with her he just didn't know how to call mom. He always knew how to reach me, he would just never pick up the phone and call. In 1994 he was at my sisters house in AZ and I called her for Christmas and she put him on the phone. He wasn't happy but he did at least say hello and thank me for the leather jacket I had sent him. Now we are talking on a regular basis and see each other when he is home off the boat. He has grown up to be a fine man and a good husband and dad. He has told me to quite beating myself up! for the times I was away and not there for him. He said there were others that took up the slack for me and he always knew I loved him even though I wasn't there. I spent a lot of time is the looney bin during my 20's due to a nervous break down. Long story. He has taught me that I have to forgive myself because he and his sisters have forgiven me. Kind of hard for me to though. I just wish I could have back those 12 years when we were not speaking, however that is not possible so I will take advantage of the time I have left on this earth being the best mom and grand mom I can. One thing I know for sure is that you can not play the blame game. No one wins in that game. We each have to own our mistakes and forgive the other. If the other person chooses not to forgive us then we have done all we can and the rest is up to them. God is still on His throne and He is still in charge and He can change hearts but we can't. Hugs and Prayers! Barbara R IPF 1/2003> I have a daughter who is now 46 yrs old. Since she graduated from high school she has been in and out! of my life by her own choice. I haven't seen or heard from her in over ten years. I know she married, lives somewhere in TX and hates my guts. Don't know why and I don't even care anymore. I never got to know her 3 children.. unless they needed money and now I don't even know where they are. They know where I am. I'm in the same boat as some of you. She isn't mad, we have not had a fight.. a mystery. She just up and left and has been on the run and up to no good for all these years. To heck with her. Gale in TX> > > > > > > > > ---------------------------------> Want to start your own business? Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business.> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2006 Report Share Posted December 3, 2006 Barbara...what you say I think is spot on! Those trips to the wards taught us something, huh? I learned too, I am my worst problem and that many men can't be all wrong. "To late smart and too old rich"! Sher "Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there" Re: My list Sher, There is one thing that I took note of a few years ago and that was if I am having problems with a person and no one else seems to be having a problelm with the person then I have to step back and see what I may be doing wrong, because I am always the common denominator in any relationship that goes bad when I am involved. Like being married 5 times, I was always the one that found an excuse to walk away. Sometimes those excuses were real and sometimes they were imaginary but I was always the common denominator. My current hubby of 25 years refused to let me walk away and on the times I did walk away he always found me. He was determained to keep me and I am sure glad he was, because he has been my biggest support in his own way since I have been sick. He is always here no matter what kind of day or night I am having and he is a blessing from God. I hope what I just said makes sense. Hugs and Prayers! Barbara R> > I have a daughter who is now 46 yrs old. Since she graduated from high school she has been in and out! of my life by her own choice. I haven't seen or heard from her in over ten years. I know she married, lives somewhere in TX and hates my guts. Don't know why and I don't even care anymore. I never got to know her 3 children.. unless they needed money and now I don't even know where they are. They know where I am. I'm in the! same boat as some of you. She isn't mad, we have not had a fight.. a mystery. She just up and left and has been on the run and up to no good for all these years. To heck with her. Gale in TX> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ---------------------------------> > Want to start your own business? Learn how on Yahoo! Small Business.> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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