Re: Fw: Re: Caregivers????Rights?

[Guest guest]

Donna,

 

Thank you for posting these.  I REALLY needed to read these today after last

night with my Mom.  I got together with some friends from work yesterday until

about 6:30 last night, got home about 7:40 p.m. I think, and my Mom was totally

upset because I hadn't come home when she thought I should and I hadn't gotten

home in time to take her to  store she wanted to go to, which she had asked me

to take her to this weekend and I said I would (of course she had forgotten

that), and she forgot to ask the caregiver to take her yesterday, which she

would have been glad to do, but then she was extremely upset with me for not

coming home on her time schedule that she had set up in her mind.  Then when I

sat down to read the paper and watch TV with her which I do every evening, she

got upset because I wasn't  talking to her, and then she got so mad she went to

bed, and then an hour later got up and stared in on how mean I am to her, how I

don't have a heart,

how I don't love her, and how she never gets any attention from me, how she has

nothing, and no, one, and how she would kill herself, on, and on, and on.  Yes,

she is very depressed, but she is on Cymbalta for the depression and I know her

quality of life is not what she would want it to be, and she has no friends who

come to see her as she moved to OH to live with me 4 yrs. ago and hasn't been

able to get accquainted, and because of her health and of course her severe

hearing loss and it goes on.......  But last night her depression and anger were

particularly bad, and I had been out until 6:00, 6:30 or 7:00 at least 3 nights

this week and she was left with the caregiver longer than usual.  She says that

is not the problem, she says it's because I don't pay any attention to her when

I am home (translate that to mean I don't baby her like she wants to be babied)

and there you have it.  Anyway I was feeling pretty bad myself by the time she

went to

bed, and thinking mabye I am a terrible daughter, but really I do know better.

its just that sometimes I get so very tired of the complaining and the

depression, and oh yes, she hates it when I am on the phone talking to any of my

children, or to my cousins (her neices) or to her sister's and they can rarely

talk to her very easily (even with a booster on the phone) because of her

hearing loss, so they talk to me, and I convery their messages to her.  Anyway

I'll reread these rights, and think about them, and thanks for letting me blow

off steam, we all need to sometime I know, and most of the time I just deal with

it, as we all do in this situation.

Subject: Fw: Re: Caregivers????Rights?

To: LBDcaregivers

Date: Friday, February 13, 2009, 4:55 AM

April,

I haven't posted these in a while. I remember how hard I cried the first time I

read these. If they don't come through, I will send them to and have

her post them.

Hugs,

Donna R

Caregiver for Mom for 3

years and 4th year in a nh.

(In MI)

She was almost 89 when she

died in '02. No dx other

than mine.

Re: Caregivers?? ??Rights?

Donna, I cut and pasted this from Judy's original post.

A CAREGIVERS BILL OF RIGHTS

I have the right . . .

To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It

will give me the capability of taking better care of my

relative.

To seek help from others even though my relatives may object. I

recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.

To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person

I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know

that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and

I have the right to do some things just for myself.

To get angry, be depressed, and express other difficult feelings

occasionally.

To reject any attempts by my relative (either conscious or

unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, and / or

depression.

To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness, and acceptance

for what I do from my loved one for as long as I offer these

quality in return.

To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the

courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my relative.

To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for

myself that will sustain me in the time when my relative no

longer needs my full- time help.

To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding

resources to aid physically and mentally impaired persons in our

country, similar strides will be made towards aiding and

supporting Caregivers

Cally

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