1 day at a time - 1 step at a time

[Guest guest]

Hi folks!

Sorry I have not been around for a while - been busy with a few

projects.

I have recently been reading " Finding a Way: a Realist's Introduction

to Self-help Therapy "

[http://www.Amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0946551138/sunflowerheal-21]

there is a chapter in there on " Worry, Guilt & Relaxation " and it

gives some very perceptive observations about that great and

distinctly human preoccupation of ours: " worrying " ...

A distinction is drawn between " Useful worry " and " Useless worry " . A

synopsis of the main points plus a few of my own observations are

listed below...

Useful worry

---------------

* Reviewing the past - what has happened - and learning from it

* Planning & Rehearsing the future and thereby being more effective

when the time comes

* Is balanced (in terms of attention, time and energy) against the

needs of the present moment, including our health, wellbeing &

relationship needs

* Non-worriers tend to be over-impulsive or emotionally driven -

" Look before you leap " can save lives, jobs, happiness and

relationships

Useless worry

----------------

* Does not improve our performance in the future, may even worsen it

with over-planning, over-controlling, reduced

flexibility, " blinkered " vision " (fear of the past repeating itself),

maybe even approaching the future in a high anxiety or " already worn-

out " state.

* Impairs our attention and functioning in the present

* Can be a substitute for, or distraction from, taking the actual

ACTIONS that will make things happen and enhance our life - The

Universe Rewards Action! - it does not reward WORRY!

* Over time damages our health, happiness and relationships. Stress,

tension, cardiovascular problems, dysfunctional immune system (under-

active or over-active) and depression can all stem from a hsbit of

excessive worrying.

* Leads to addictive, self-harmful behaviours, obsessions and

cravings - e.g. comfort eating and/or smoking, alcohol or taking

recreational drugs to relax.

How to Minimise Useless Worry

---------------------------------

1. Accept that there is no such thing as " perfect preparation " or

a " perfect answer "

2. Accept that the future can never be fully controlled - life is a

risk and an experiment, full of a myriad variables

3. Accept that much of our worry reflects basic and often deeper

insecurity issues that we are not addressing

4. LOOK HONESTLY AT THE ILLUSORY PAYOFFS that make useless worry a

compulsive habit...

* worry as a way of avoiding action

* worry as a way of " sucking in " the attention of other people

* worry as an " exchange token " for co-dependent

relationships " Sharing our worries is [the main thing?] what keeps us

together "

* worry as a dishonest and dysfunctional way of proving that we

care! A poor substitute for telling people how much we value them,

need them, have difficulty coping with life, or desperately need a

certain outcome

* pride, self-righteousness, self-image ( " I know what should be

worried about " )

* controlling others by giving them our worries

* blocking or minimising others by " giving them something to worry

about "

5. Interrupt our train of worry with breathwork techniques, physical

exercise, change of environment, better communication, getting help,

support or advice, etc. etc.

6. Repeating the affirmation: " 1 day at a time - 1 step at a time! "

7. Become more aware of where reality ends and " scary fantasies "

begin. Get other opinions, or " let go, until you are more relaxed " in

order to get a better perspective on things.

Find it hard to let go? Then visit:

http://www.lovehealth.org/books/letgo.htm

8. Decisions cannot be made without adequate facts - obtain them or

defer deciding

9. Ask yourself " What am I avoiding by doing all this worrying? "

10. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed, but realise that

some of the very worrying things in our past and present can in fact

be changed, not by worrying but by things like apologising, seeking

to understand, forgiveness, making amends etc.

Depression, Burnout & Chronic Fatigue

--------------------------------------------

The author of " Finding a Way " , , comes from a background

of having suffered ME (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). He had been a

normal, happy teenager until just before his sixteenth birthday when

he began to experience strange, unexplained physical symptoms. After

spending two years bed-bound and developing clinical depression,

committed himself to finding a cure and returning himself to health

and happiness - an " ...amazing journey that will challenge your most

basic assumptions about life " . He has written of this journey in

another book:

" Why Me? My Journey from M.E. to Health and Happiness "

http://www.Amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1901447170/sunflowerheal-21

I presume that " Me " here is a play on " M.E. " the abbreviation

for " myalgic encephalomyelitis " .

Wishing everyone a worry-free week!

Mike

http://www.stress-counselling.co.uk