RE: Sincerely asking for a new way to look at this

[Guest guest]

Dear April,

I just wanted to let you know that I think it is awesome that there are parents

like you out there doing 'The Work' with your kids!!!! and of course for

yourself.

Greetings,

April wrote:

GG,

As a parent of 4 children I often feel " empathy " and compassion. In a

round about way I realize that it comes from me and to me, but for the

every day living that I have with my terrific perfect children (one is

grounded at present for curfew!) that I have feelings that look very

" co-dependent " even from me at times.

Get this! My kids know this KT stuff REAL good... they tout it back at

me and when my daughter got grounded for multiple " offenses " (we had

agreed to what " we " wanted to use as rules for our family and the

consequences) she THANKED me! Yeah, she said " wow, I see that I have

used you as an excuse to use a story to behave in a way that I would

like to change. " SHOCK... She is thrilled to have " grounded for a week "

and to take time for herself and studies. She loves that I " noticed " so

that she too could " notice " . (Of course there is a party on Wednesday

that she will miss and it " kills me " that she will miss it, probably

more than it " kills her " ...LOL <smile>)

I don't usually intellectualize this stuff and dig it up unless I feel

" icky inside " . I remember falling off my skateboard, I remember having

a scary auto accident, and I remember feeling very scared for medical

procedures etc, and naturally I think we want to be there for our kids.

When I notice how smart, strong and compassionate they are, they seem to

notice it too! LOL I love it when we notice such good feelings.

I am not sure I am answering your question, I used to really feel

responsible for just about everything that happened around me. If the

kids were not " perfect " it was my fault, if they got a cold it was

because I took them to the mall and let germy people get them sick. (I

had a husband doctor who helped to remind me that it was my fault!) I

believed all of it! I find that now when he calls and says that the

reason the kids do not like him is all my fault , I have my buttons

pressed! I think I believe him! When I tell the kids that they can have

compassion for their dad as he is sometimes confused like all of us,

they say " yeah? " and that means? They set me straight right away! I

realize that my ability to " drop old ways of thinking " is connected to

some evolutional ways of change and this old dog is learning new tricks

at just the right speed it seems. The kids get this stuff amazingly

fast. They feel compassion for themselves and empathy for their own

folly, and can forgive, that doesn't mean that they " keep the story " .

They keep trying to get me to understand this one! I must have just the

kids I need to have! LOL Seems like the people we love in our life

are perfect teachers.

Lovingly,

April

[Guest guest]

Dear April,

I just wanted to let you know that I think it is awesome that there are parents

like you out there doing 'The Work' with your kids!!!! and of course for

yourself.

Greetings,

April wrote:

GG,

As a parent of 4 children I often feel " empathy " and compassion. In a

round about way I realize that it comes from me and to me, but for the

every day living that I have with my terrific perfect children (one is

grounded at present for curfew!) that I have feelings that look very

" co-dependent " even from me at times.

Get this! My kids know this KT stuff REAL good... they tout it back at

me and when my daughter got grounded for multiple " offenses " (we had

agreed to what " we " wanted to use as rules for our family and the

consequences) she THANKED me! Yeah, she said " wow, I see that I have

used you as an excuse to use a story to behave in a way that I would

like to change. " SHOCK... She is thrilled to have " grounded for a week "

and to take time for herself and studies. She loves that I " noticed " so

that she too could " notice " . (Of course there is a party on Wednesday

that she will miss and it " kills me " that she will miss it, probably

more than it " kills her " ...LOL <smile>)

I don't usually intellectualize this stuff and dig it up unless I feel

" icky inside " . I remember falling off my skateboard, I remember having

a scary auto accident, and I remember feeling very scared for medical

procedures etc, and naturally I think we want to be there for our kids.

When I notice how smart, strong and compassionate they are, they seem to

notice it too! LOL I love it when we notice such good feelings.

I am not sure I am answering your question, I used to really feel

responsible for just about everything that happened around me. If the

kids were not " perfect " it was my fault, if they got a cold it was

because I took them to the mall and let germy people get them sick. (I

had a husband doctor who helped to remind me that it was my fault!) I

believed all of it! I find that now when he calls and says that the

reason the kids do not like him is all my fault , I have my buttons

pressed! I think I believe him! When I tell the kids that they can have

compassion for their dad as he is sometimes confused like all of us,

they say " yeah? " and that means? They set me straight right away! I

realize that my ability to " drop old ways of thinking " is connected to

some evolutional ways of change and this old dog is learning new tricks

at just the right speed it seems. The kids get this stuff amazingly

fast. They feel compassion for themselves and empathy for their own

folly, and can forgive, that doesn't mean that they " keep the story " .

They keep trying to get me to understand this one! I must have just the

kids I need to have! LOL Seems like the people we love in our life

are perfect teachers.

Lovingly,

April