~ Efficiency and Function ~ One Day at a Time ~ June 27, 2007

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Recovery Meditations ~ Efficiency and Function ~ One Day at a Time ~ June

27, 2007

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Recovery Meditations

One Day at a Time

June 27, 2007

~ EFFICIENCY AND FUNCTION ~

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" In God's economy, nothing is wasted.

Through failure, we learn a lesson in

humility which is probably needed,

painful though it is. "

Bill W., Letter of 1942

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I have spent a lot of time cultivating

perfectionism in the vain attempt to

make up for being a " failure " -- or what

I have now come to understand is

compulsive eating and an illness. I was

trying to make up with efficiency for

that feeling of not being good enough ~

and that feeling seems to be a hallmark

of our illness.

By my past behaviors, I wanted you to

notice how efficient and functional I

was despite my obese body that belied I

had a problem. If I could somehow

convince you that I was " normal " and

" ok, " I would not have to admit my

powerlessness. This is the single

greatest obsession of every compulsive

eater: that we are " normal " eaters. But

we are not!

I built a lifetime around efficiency and

function trying to show you how normal I

was. Thank God I was brought to my

compulsive eating knees time and time

again until I could finally make that

admission of failure as a normal eater

and admit that I was powerless. The

humility brought about by that admission

afforded me an open-mindedness and

willingness I had hitherto not known. I

became teachable.

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I pray to remain teachable.

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" God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference. "

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