Re: Introduction / question - Z

[Guest guest]

Hi Z,

I'm new here too; evicted my mother from my life more than 20 years ago.

No, it doesn't end, but it does get better. The first couple of years my

nada alternately threatened/called pleading, crying/sent heartthrob greeting

cards/had relatives call/interrogated my children and husband behind my

back...almost daily. It has trickled down to once or twice a year; she is

fairly sure

now that I am not going to outgrow this 'mental illness', and has warned the

family that I am practicing witchcraft, and plotting evil against her.

I grieved for a very long time, not because I missed her company, but sad to

realize that her response to 'losing' me was that she was now without one of

her possessions. She was so angry, and has stayed angry.

I've also thought my mother was Bipolar; her moods are extreme/sudden and

always a surprise...she attacks from nowhere, usually when someone else is

getting attention.

It's OK with me if you ... lurk ... but I'd like to know how you are getting

on every now and then. Take care, Carol

Greetings fellow Nons,

I have been lurking on this list for some time, so I thought it would

be nice to make an introduction. I'm 25, male, only child, married,

etc. etc.

I realized that my nada (I actually prefer " unmother " , but what's the

difference?) had problems years ago, but was never " detached " from

the situation enough to _really_ " get it " until a few years back.

Looking back she always had BP tendencies, but it wasn't until after

my dad died that I really became her sole target of abuse. I think

that he simultaneously diffused a lot of her really extreme BP

behavior through his calm, passive nature, but at the same time

reinforced it by pandering to her needs. Is this common?

In the past year, nada's behavior has gotten really extreme

(distortion campaigns against her husband, extreme

dissociation/rationalization/splitting, piling on the guilt, lots of

projection, crazy moodswings, etc.), and I've essentially " divorced "

her unless she shows some resolve to change. I've heard that since

then she's become addicted to gambling, has been drinking heavily and

got a new boyfriend (her divorce to her husband who she's _known_

barely three years isn't final yet), so I don't think that she'll

decide to seek therapy (and, of course, she isn't diagnosed or

anything, either).

I've been learning a lot about BPD through this group and through

SWOE, and it feels good to know I'm not the only one who's gone

through this.

Before I go back into lurkerdom, I have a question- are there any

resources out there (electronic or otherwise) that deal with children

that have broken contact with ther parents? Of course if they focused

on non-BP children of a BP parent, that would be ideal, but any

resource dealing with estrangement from parents would be helpful.

-Z.