Holidays and the FOG, just when I thought I was over it....help

[Guest guest]

Hi all, I haven't posted in awhile but I've been reading. I had a

baby girl in Sept, my house is under construction, been through

hurricane Isabelle, all in all I've been really busy. LOL Anyway I

could use an ear or 2. I thought I was through the FOG, haven't

talked to Nada since May and was very at peace with it all. I got a

4 page letter a month back from nada's sister. An aunt I love

dearly but she is also a very niave person, very sweet person but

niave all the same. Anyway it started out sweet and then went into

why I didn't come to my mom's surgery when she was there when I had

surgery, why I didn't bother to call anyone after I had the baby,

how my grandmother is up in years and to make her happy before she

dies I need to make up with nada. It was just loaded with guilt.

I wrote back and explained about BPD, even sent her a copy of UTBM.

Explained that nada had me so stressed out (rages) that I was having

contractions at 5 months prego and I would not now or ever apologize

for putting my unborn child before nada. Told her about many things

she never knew. All in all I said my peace and felt good about it

and still do. Never heard back and don't expect to.

My problem is this my nada was the type to rage and give silent

treatments. I'm 31 years old and still terrified of her but there

were times when she was a good mom. Admittedly it was when I was

acting the way she wanted me to but this is the first holiday season

that has been no contact and I'm having trouble with the FOG. I

catch myself trying to say the " weel it wasn't that bad " and she was

nice some of the times but at the same time the thought of talking

to her again terrifies me as she has just gotten worse and worse

over the past few year and I guess I just need to hear that I'm not

horrible for not contacting her. I need to get her out of my head

and let her stop controlling my thoughts. Any ideas??

Thanks for reading

[Guest guest]

, you're not horrible for staying away from nada-babe. It's not

easy, especially with the FOO guilt trips, but no one else has walked in

your moccasins, so no one else has any right to tell you what you should

or should not do. Your child comes first. Nada has lived her life,

made her choices, and now she can live with the ugly results. The FOO

are so hood-winked they can't see the truth, nor do they want to.

That's their problem. You are the smart one. Stick to your resolve!

Smiles!

Carol

wvvixen1@... wrote:

> My problem is this my nada was the type to rage and give silent

> treatments. I'm 31 years old and still terrified of her but there

> were times when she was a good mom. Admittedly it was when I was

> acting the way she wanted me to but this is the first holiday season

> that has been no contact and I'm having trouble with the FOG. I

> catch myself trying to say the " weel it wasn't that bad " and she was

> nice some of the times but at the same time the thought of talking

> to her again terrifies me as she has just gotten worse and worse

> over the past few year and I guess I just need to hear that I'm not

> horrible for not contacting her. I need to get her out of my head

> and let her stop controlling my thoughts. Any ideas??