Guest guest Posted September 24, 2003 Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 Mel, any reasonable mother would certainly have changed the dates but then we don't have reasonable mother's. Can your mother make it on friday? If so, then call your sister and cousin and fix it with them a.s.a.p. Be sure to makeup some story about something on Saturday that you just have to do. Otherwise, they will feel that they are accomodating you................wouldn't it be nice if we could pick our families like we pick our friends? good luck Debbie In a message dated 9/24/2003 11:11:36 AM Eastern Daylight Time, MKane29041@... writes: > Hello, > I got myself in a tricky situation and want a non objective > opinion. > When my husband goes out of town I take my mother out to dinner. > I told her about 3 weeks ago I would take her out this weekend since > my husband is out of town. She asked my cousin and sister to join us > on Saturday and I said that is fine, but if things change with my > husband's plan they should just go without me. > Well my husband is only out of town Friday and not Saturday and > I asked her to call my cousin and sister and ask if she could change > to Friday. > She keeps forgetting to call my cousin or sister, so I said if > it works for you 3 - just go without me and enjoy. She now won't talk > to me!!! > Should I just go Saturday and not be with my husband? Or just > let the 3 of them figure it out? Why must it be such a hassle? Any > insight is greatly appreciated. -Thanks -Mel > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 24, 2003 Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 > Mel, > any reasonable mother would certainly have changed the dates but then we > don't have reasonable mother's. You hit the nail on the head! Thanks for your input -Mel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 24, 2003 Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 OK, neither my sister or cousin can change to Friday. Should I just go Saturday, or tell them I can't make it go without me. It's weird, anyone else would say, " Oh sorry you can't make it, we will miss you " , but my mother will be pissed for a week. Honestly it's a loss-loss situation, if I go I'll miss out on going out with my husband Saturday and he's not around Friday, and if I don't go I'll feel guilty that I left my mother, sister and cousin down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 24, 2003 Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 Mel--you are right not to make plans too far in advance. Bite the bullet this time...all the best. debbie In a message dated 9/24/2003 3:42:40 PM Eastern Daylight Time, MKane29041@... writes: > Thanks for letting me bounce this off of everyone. I decided it > would be better to go and not let anyone down. I have learned a > lesson in that making plans with my mother too far ahead always ends > in some crisis. > I usually make the plans when we are getting alone and by the > time it comes around she is upset with me about something. I'll try > to remember next time not to get too zealous when we are having a > good time and make plans. Thanks again for your listening ear. -Mel > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 24, 2003 Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 Thanks for letting me bounce this off of everyone. I decided it would be better to go and not let anyone down. I have learned a lesson in that making plans with my mother too far ahead always ends in some crisis. I usually make the plans when we are getting alone and by the time it comes around she is upset with me about something. I'll try to remember next time not to get too zealous when we are having a good time and make plans. Thanks again for your listening ear. -Mel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 24, 2003 Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 oh this is an easy one!!! lol- let THEM figure it out, girlfriend!! you can do it! they WILL get it over it....although i know it doesn't seem like it. good luck > Hello, > I got myself in a tricky situation and want a non objective > opinion. > When my husband goes out of town I take my mother out to dinner. > I told her about 3 weeks ago I would take her out this weekend since > my husband is out of town. She asked my cousin and sister to join us > on Saturday and I said that is fine, but if things change with my > husband's plan they should just go without me. > Well my husband is only out of town Friday and not Saturday and > I asked her to call my cousin and sister and ask if she could change > to Friday. > She keeps forgetting to call my cousin or sister, so I said if > it works for you 3 - just go without me and enjoy. She now won't talk > to me!!! > Should I just go Saturday and not be with my husband? Or just > let the 3 of them figure it out? Why must it be such a hassle? Any > insight is greatly appreciated. -Thanks -Mel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 24, 2003 Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 whoops, i posted my two cents before i saw that you resolved it!!! sorry! you do what is in your heart...all will be well!!! i know what you mean about plans made FAR in advance. way too much " screw up time " - lol- i have been down that road with my mother too. (not anymore, though! if she screws it up... SHE LOSES!) have a good time with your family (and hopfully that's the good side of it...you will get to people you enjoy...and not just nada! for me, the good side would be a night AWAY from the hubby and kids!!! lol) > > Hello, > > I got myself in a tricky situation and want a non objective > > opinion. > > When my husband goes out of town I take my mother out to > dinner. > > I told her about 3 weeks ago I would take her out this weekend > since > > my husband is out of town. She asked my cousin and sister to join > us > > on Saturday and I said that is fine, but if things change with my > > husband's plan they should just go without me. > > Well my husband is only out of town Friday and not Saturday > and > > I asked her to call my cousin and sister and ask if she could > change > > to Friday. > > She keeps forgetting to call my cousin or sister, so I said if > > it works for you 3 - just go without me and enjoy. She now won't > talk > > to me!!! > > Should I just go Saturday and not be with my husband? Or just > > let the 3 of them figure it out? Why must it be such a hassle? Any > > insight is greatly appreciated. -Thanks -Mel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 24, 2003 Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 Hi Mel! See my comments inserted below......... >I got myself in a tricky situation and want a non objective >opinion. > I had to chuckle! Did you mean " objective " ? :-) >When my husband goes out of town I take my mother out to dinner. >I told her about 3 weeks ago I would take her out this weekend since >my husband is out of town. She asked my cousin and sister to join us >on Saturday and I said that is fine, but if things change with my >husband's plan they should just go without me. > That's an excellent boundary! Good job! >Well my husband is only out of town Friday and not Saturday and >I asked her to call my cousin and sister and ask if she could change >to Friday. > Sounds fair enough to me! Your boundary clearly stated what you'd do in case hubby wasn't out of town Saturday. >She keeps forgetting to call my cousin or sister, ......... > Hmmmmmmmm......... looks veeeery suspicious! >.......so I said if >it works for you 3 - just go without me and enjoy. > Perfect! That's exactly how it needs to be handled! Good job! >She now won't talk to me!!! > Oops! Looks like a full blown temper tantrum in the works! If I can't have my way, I'm going to take my little red wagon and go home! So childish!!! >Should I just go Saturday and not be with my husband? > Nope! But she'll never ever understand! >Or just let the 3 of them figure it out? > Yup!!! >Why must it be such a hassle? > All nadas go to Hassle College in Hell, MI (it's a real place!) and earn degrees in Studies. and got degrees in in Nadas know exactly how to keep things agitated. They aren't happy unless they're upset about something. And if there's nothing to be upset about, they create problems where none exist. It's just the way they are. Forever and ever.......... >Any insight is greatly appreciated. > You're doing a great job with boundaries. Keep up the good work! :-) Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2003 Report Share Posted September 25, 2003 You Guys are the greatest, thanks for all the support. I have to tell you I have learned a great deal through all this!!! My husband has always said " Oh your mom is never happy unless she has something to worry about and if she doesn't she will find something or make something a problem. Sounds like he hits the nail on the head. Well I decided to bite the bullet and go and called to tell my mother, and surprise... she won't answer the phone. I called several times, left 2 messages. She did finally call me around 9pm because they had taken my uncle to the hospital and she needed me. I'm an ICU nurse, and she couldn't have been sweeter. It's a trip!!! Thanks again - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 25, 2003 Report Share Posted September 25, 2003 Carol you are so right, that was to be an objective, not non objective. If I wanted that I could have asked my mother. LOL Thanks for all your help. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 28, 2003 Report Share Posted September 28, 2003 Hi - Please don't take this wrong- but why in the world are you trying so hard to call her? Been there; take care, Christy Re: What would you do? Hello All, Just wanted to give everyone a followup on my Saturday night out with my mother, sister and cousin. We had the best time until the last 30 minutes. Then all h... broke loose. We dropped our cousin off and her son was there who is 19 years old. When my sister and I got into the car with our mother we both mentioned how attractive he is. We said he probably gets his share of the girls. My mother replied, he is probably still a virgin. My sister and I laughed and talked about our childhood and the friends we ran around with. To make a long story short my mother basically said we were both tramps and abnormal and normal 19 year olds don't have sex. She was screaming and demanding she is right and we are wrong and it just went on and on until she dropped us both off. I tried to call her several times and she won't answer the phone. I just can't figure out why after such a wonderful night it had to go right down the tubes. Oh well, someday I will learn. I just keep saying to myself " it's her, not you " . Next time I should heed your warnings and save myself the hassle. Have a great Sunday! - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 28, 2003 Report Share Posted September 28, 2003 Hello All, Just wanted to give everyone a followup on my Saturday night out with my mother, sister and cousin. We had the best time until the last 30 minutes. Then all h... broke loose. We dropped our cousin off and her son was there who is 19 years old. When my sister and I got into the car with our mother we both mentioned how attractive he is. We said he probably gets his share of the girls. My mother replied, he is probably still a virgin. My sister and I laughed and talked about our childhood and the friends we ran around with. To make a long story short my mother basically said we were both tramps and abnormal and normal 19 year olds don't have sex. She was screaming and demanding she is right and we are wrong and it just went on and on until she dropped us both off. I tried to call her several times and she won't answer the phone. I just can't figure out why after such a wonderful night it had to go right down the tubes. Oh well, someday I will learn. I just keep saying to myself " it's her, not you " . Next time I should heed your warnings and save myself the hassle. Have a great Sunday! - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 28, 2003 Report Share Posted September 28, 2003 Oh I don't take that wrong at all. Since my father died about 3 years ago I always call my mother in the morning and before she goes to bed at night. If I didn't call last night or this morning I feel I would be acting like her so I just do my normal thing and if she doesn't answer oh well. I have come some distance in this journey, I used to get in the car and drive to her house if she didn't answer only to have her not answer the door or holler at me. I think I am making small strides. Thanks for your input, I really do appreciate your help. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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