HELP

[Guest guest]

I have found that anything written only gives the BPD more ammunition to

distort. As much as I know I'd like to have my say and defend myself against the

distortion campaign, I know it is useless, and I am better to keep walking

upwards and onwards with my life (I keep stumbling on the way). It's so

difficult and I struggle daily with these and many other painful thoughts. I

need to say I know how you feel. You are making a healthy choice for your life

now. The risk was losing the family. That's the risk we take. They try to turn

all our friends against us too, so letting go of the poisonous BPD lets us give

that part of our lives a go.

Thatsheis@... wrote:Before I completely cut the ties, I wrote a lettter to

my BPm. I brought up

and old new issues that she has always tried to deny. I knew I wasn't getting

validation from her. That is not why I wrote it. I wrote it because she

would just have to read the words and suck it all up. She can't contact me

personally so it was my way of drawing the line for good. A huge distortion

campaign took place in December where she blatantly lied on me like she has

never

before so no one talks to me in my family (who all contribute to her disease).

These lies would have put me down in history as cruel and violent. There was

so much talk about me and I'm not there to defend myself. I feel very happy

and quite satisfied that I stood up for me this time. Anyone have any comments

or like cases?

[Guest guest]

Hi Randy, thanks for the response. I think it's just that I have to keep

reminding myself that I'm innocent; I haven't done anything to her except tell

the family secrets to save myself from all the poison. These secrets had

nothing to do with me and I should never have known about them. My mother just

used

me as something to sh_t on and dared me not to wipe it off. Now that I have

wiped it off, everyone resents it. I have to keep reminding myself that I am

normal and to go back to middle ground. It's a constant struggle.

[Guest guest]

Well, I understand about fearing that you'll have to deal with this

for the rest of your life. It is frustrating. And now that you have

a child it makes it doubly hard. It's more guilt on your plate if

you don't allow her to see her grandchild.

Can I tell you that when I was a kid, I never, EVER asked for

anything--not a toy, a pack of gum, a pair of new jeans--because the

answer was ALWAYS " no " . I swear to you. But when she is with my

children, my mom goes absolutely over the top: they come home with

bags of candy--not just a candy bar, but a bag of fun size candy bars-

-new clothes, and toys out the wazoo! I mean, she clears the shelves

of Toys R Us. It's really bizarre.

But as you know, you will kill yourself to protect your child. I

recently stopped contact with my mom because of her bizarre and

downright dangerous behavior while she had my kids--luckily my sister

was there to witness it and protect them. (of course, my mom denies

all of this. Even though she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown

and my stepfather--who does not believe in shrinks--DRAGGED her to

see one. Then they tried to corral me in there with them so she could

scream at me as a captive audience. I refused to go, but my poor

sister foolishly went and reported that my predictions about how it

would go were dead on.)

But your " giving in " and responding to her letters are natural.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You will have to deal with the whole

BPD thing for the rest of your life. We all will. Whether it's

emotional fallout, or tempering a visit with our nadas with wine and

very definate limits, this is something we will all work on forever,

to one degree or another. Look at it like a battle to stay

physically healthy: You have to eat well and exercise on a regular

basis. Not just for 2 months. All your life. The same goes for

your emotional well-being.

I have also found that having my children has brought me IMMENSE

JOY!! By mothering them I have been able to significantly heal my

wounds, and create a loving world for myself. Perhaps that's why I

keep wanting more kids. Overcompensation. Your son is only a year

old. You already know that your love for him is stronger every day.

Build a strong and steady world with your mate and your children and

it will make dealing with your nada a lot easier.

Good luck.

Beth

> I have had very little contact with my mother who has the traits of

> bpd in over a year. When I was pregnant with my first child (he is

> now a year old)she really began to poor her controlling nature on

> hard and heavy and I came to the end of my rope. She has said

awful

> things and emotionally beat me up and played with my head this last

> year. I told her she needed to stop the behaviors that go along

with

> trying to control me (this was before I knew about bpd). She has

> been trying to weasel her way back into my life but not wanting to

> address the possibility that she might be controlling. She has

> called lately leaving very friendly, kind, messages. She recently

> wrote me a letter apologizing for anything she has done to offend

me

> and has assured me she never meant anything but good for me. She

> said she would like to have a relationship with me and to put

> everything in the past and not discuss it anymore. I got sucked in

> and wrote her back. In a very loving letter I told her about the

> book SWOE and told her how helpful it was to me and I thought it

> would be helpful to her (since she has opened up from time to time

> telling me of the abandonment and rejection she felt from her

parents

> growing up). She emailed me back-informing me that I don't have a

> clue who she is, and I will never, because I am not willing to

> communicate and listen to her. But she would still like to have

some

> kind of relationship with short visits. She emailed me again when

I

> didn't respond - and told me how wonderful her life is going. She

> gloated on the fact that she " now " has a great relationship with my

> brother and his wife (which I find disgusting being that my brother

> and sis - n- law stab her in the back all the time). She told me

> how she teaches Sunday school, " now " has a great relationship with

> her husband, she just recently had two adorable little children at

> her home to visit (I know she is trying to make me jealous because

> she is not apart of my son's life). She listed off several more

> wonderful relationships she has. Pretty much informed me of how

well

> she's got it together. I am disgusted! She makes me sick! It

makes

> me sick because she is probably telling everyone how awful I've

been,

> and she is just glowing to everyone around her with

her " fakeness " .

> Since she wrote that first letter it has consumed me. I feel once

> again emotionally beaten down and I could just kick myself for it.

> It has taken time and energy away from my husband and baby boy and

> that makes me angry. I just sent an email to her last night

telling

> her unless she gets help I will not have any (any!) contact with

> her. But the disgusting part is she will eventually contact me

again

> and I need to be strong enough to stick to my guns.

>

> I feel like I can't get away from her. It is somewhat depressing

and

> discouraging to think I have to live with this for the rest of my

> life. I wish I could just block her out of my life and dwell on

all

> the wonderful stuff I have and have been blessed with in my life.

I

> am going to get rid of the email address I set up specifically for

> her. I will continue to avoid her phone calls when I see her

number.

> (but why? do I have to even see her number and be reminded of her?)

>

> Anyway, I am soooo angry and frustrated. If she never gets help

then

> I will not see her, write her, or talk to her again.

>

> Thanks to all of you for being apart of this group and supporting

me

> and one another. I'm so thankful for this and all of you.

>

> If anyone has any words of encouragement, understanding, advice,

I'd

> love to hear it.

>

> Thanks!

[Guest guest]

Dear ine,

Or the person could be in great pain herself -- that's why she can't

see the world clearly - without bias. In her mind, everyone is

against her, that's why she's quarrelsome and that's how she sees

you. If you weren't there, I m sure she'd find someone else to

quarrel with.

I suggest that you continue seeking more help with your situation.

In the meantime, I can support you through affirmative prayers -- I

see you surrounded by love, protected and at peace. And so it is!

In light and love,

>

> ine,

>

> That took a lot of guts to share, thank you for being candid.

>

> I have to say, right off the bat, that race has nothing to do with

what you

> are going through.

> Period. People just have a way of going after someone, regardless

of skin

> color. Yeah, sometimes

> It is skin color, religion, etc...but in this case I think it's an

> old-fashioned case of jealousy mixed with feeling superior (from

her stand

> point).

>

[Guest guest]

thanks, I plan on being very calm and not get into her insanity. pauline

Original Message:

-----------------

From: Starwolf GypsyDancer starwolfgypsydancer@...

Date: Wed, 4 Jul 2007 00:04:49 -0600 (Mountain Daylight Time)

To: AffirmationstoDe-Stress

Subject: Re: help

ine,

That took a lot of guts to share, thank you for being candid.

I have to say, right off the bat, that race has nothing to do with what you

are going through.

Period. People just have a way of going after someone, regardless of skin

color. Yeah, sometimes

It is skin color, religion, etc...but in this case I think it's an

old-fashioned case of jealousy mixed with feeling superior (from her stand

point).

I have found that, in situations like these, I must stand up to my

aggressor/nemesis. They really can't find much to say once you stick it to

them once or twice. I am not advocating being rude, mean, or disrespectful.

What I have found that works is to be just the opposite... " you catch more

flies with honey... " . Keep your side of the street clean and even the worst

accusation will not bear weight!

But you have to believe that you are not a victim.

You are worth more than being treated like you are a victim.

Love and Light,

Starwolf

-- help

I live in michigan in a HUD building with many disabled people both

psy and physical. There is a woman who has had something against me

for a long time. I don't talk to her or look at her. One night she

snapped and started yelling at me that I am always looking at her and

harrassing her. I don't. I don't look at her. We had an incident 2

weeks ago and I thought it was over. I got written up and she got

written up. Now she wants to have a meeting with the director and

manager of the complex. I have agreed. I won't say much. She is truly

crazy, and not to offend anyone but she is black-80% of the builidng

is black. They aren't nice. Anything that happens there the blacks

claim civil rights and start caller lawyers and organizations. They

all get away with everything. But that is besides the point. I just

wish she would leave me alone. I see her and turn my head away. I

don't talk to her. If I had somewhere's else to go I would move-yet I

can't move because I have no one to help me pack, etc. I am on an

extra adivan tonight. I just wish all this would stop. Sometimes I

ask, what have I done to deserve this. You know you get so upset that

you feel like you are the only one it happens to. I just wish I could

be somewhere's that people aren't crazy, mean, where you don't have

to be careful of everything you say because someone is going to take

it wrong. I don't know....pauline

[Guest guest]

thanks, you comments helped me. pauline

Original Message:

-----------------

From: ma_vicsua ma_vicsua@...

Date: Wed, 04 Jul 2007 10:25:35 -0000

To: AffirmationstoDe-Stress

Subject: Re: help

Dear ine,

Or the person could be in great pain herself -- that's why she can't

see the world clearly - without bias. In her mind, everyone is

against her, that's why she's quarrelsome and that's how she sees

you. If you weren't there, I m sure she'd find someone else to

quarrel with.

I suggest that you continue seeking more help with your situation.

In the meantime, I can support you through affirmative prayers -- I

see you surrounded by love, protected and at peace. And so it is!

In light and love,

>

> ine,

>

> That took a lot of guts to share, thank you for being candid.

>

> I have to say, right off the bat, that race has nothing to do with

what you

> are going through.

> Period. People just have a way of going after someone, regardless

of skin

> color. Yeah, sometimes

> It is skin color, religion, etc...but in this case I think it's an

> old-fashioned case of jealousy mixed with feeling superior (from

her stand

> point).

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Hello everybody,

I need your help, I am not too informed about hypothyroidisim. I live

in Dallas and have a Dr. that I don't think is too helpfull. She keeps

saying that my weight is because I eat to much. I am in a 1200 calorie

diet six months ago and my weight still the same. I feel tired all the

time and always in a terrible mood. The last test results were:

T-4 FREE 1.0

& -4 (THYROXINE), total 6.5

TSH 0.69

I am 46 years old. The Dr. Has me in 88mg of shyntroid and 10 of cytomel

5 in the morning and 5 in the afternoon. I am loosing my memory and my

sight at a fast speed. Is there somenting else she needs to check? Is

there somenthing else I need to take. I have gained 55 pounda and they

aren't going away not matter what. Any advice?

Thank you.

[Guest guest]

I cannot say for sure without seeing the reference ranges, but your Free and Total T4 numbers both appear to be in the lower half of their ranges. I don't see a T3 test at all. Most of us need our Free T3 and Free T4 both in the upper half of their ranges to feel well. Many of us cannot get them there without our TSH being suppressed. Have you asked your doc for a larger dose of your T4 med? I would also ask her to order a Free T3 test. You might also need more Cytomel. If your doc is adjusting your dose by the TSH, then you are doomed, unless

you have my favorite surgery: a radical doctor-ectomy! hmrlecturatips wrote: Hello everybody,I need your help, I am not too informed about hypothyroidisim. I live in Dallas and have a Dr. that I don't think is too helpfull. She keeps saying that my weight is because I eat to much. I am in a 1200 calorie diet six months ago and my weight still the same. I feel tired all the time and always in a terrible mood. The last test results were:T-4 FREE 1.0 & -4 (THYROXINE), total 6.5TSH 0.69I am 46 years old. The Dr. Has me in 88mg of shyntroid and 10 of cytomel5 in the morning and 5 in the afternoon. I am loosing my memory and my

sight at a fast speed. Is there somenting else she needs to check? Is there somenthing else I need to take. I have gained 55 pounda and they aren't going away not matter what. Any advice?Thank you. __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

In this particular dose I have 6 months. My diagnisis is :

1. Chronic Thyroiditis, Hashimoto's desease

2. Hypothyroidisim

3. T4 Resistance

4. Exogenous Hyperthyroidism

My sicknesss began 5 years ago, I went to a Dr. that gave me

syntrhroid but I was still feeling bad so he referme to a

endocrinologyst that introduced Cytomel, and my weight came back to

normal. Then after a year I began to gain it back and he told me to

swet it off so I quit seeing him. I continue my medication but 75 mg

of synthroid and 20 of cytomel, nothing improved. I was refered to

this new doctor, but still nothing change. When I first saw her my

test results were:

Thyroid Peroxidase antibodies 153

T3, Total 213

T-4 Free 1.0

T-4 (Thyroxine), Total 7.3

She kept the 75 mgms of syntroid and change from 20 to 10 mg of

Cytomel.

On May I went back, she ordered all these tests:

Lipid Panel

Triglycerides 89

Cholesterol, total 165

HDL Cholesterol 59

LDL-Cholesterol 88

CHOL/HDLC RATIO 2.8

COMPREHENSIVE METABOLIC

PANEL W/EGFR

GLUCOSE 83

UREA NITROGEN (BUN) 14

CREATININE 0.8

GRF ESTIMATED >60

BUN/CREATININE RATIO 18

SODIUM 143

POTASSIUM 4.1

CHLORIDE 110

CARBON DIOXIDE 22

CALCIUM 9.4

PROTEIN, TOTAL 6.7

ALBUMIN 4.0

GLOBULIN 2.7

ALBUMIN/GLOBULIN RATIO 1.5

BILIRUBIN TOTAL 0.4

ALKALINE PHOSPHATASE 93

AST 13

ALT 11

T3-TOTAL 124

T-4 FREE 1.1

T-4 (Thyroxine, TOTAL 7.5

TSH 1.04

Then she changed Synthroid to 88 mg and kept Cytomel at 10.

When I came back on July, she send the test you already saw and told

me that I was healed that my numbers were perfect and she couldn't do

nothing else to help my symptoms. I have to go back in a week and

need more info to talk to he. I feel sick every day. I hope this is

not to much for you all, I wont ask if I didn't needed your help.

Thank you,

Martha

>

> How long have you been on this particular dose of Synthroid and

Cytomel?

> Has it been only a couple of wks, or is that where you started out

6 months

> ago? What is the diagnosis of thyroid disease that is causing your

> hypothyroidism? Antibodies, as in Hashimoto's Disease? Were you

started on

> this particular regimen, or were you started with something

different?

>

>

>

> HELP

>

>

> > Hello everybody,

> > I need your help, I am not too informed about hypothyroidisim. I

live

> > in Dallas and have a Dr. that I don't think is too helpfull. She

keeps

> > saying that my weight is because I eat to much. I am in a 1200

calorie

> > diet six months ago and my weight still the same. I feel tired

all the

> > time and always in a terrible mood. The last test results were:

> > T-4 FREE 1.0

> > & -4 (THYROXINE), total 6.5

> > TSH 0.69

> > I am 46 years old. The Dr. Has me in 88mg of shyntroid and 10 of

cytomel

> > 5 in the morning and 5 in the afternoon. I am loosing my memory

and my

> > sight at a fast speed. Is there somenting else she needs to

check? Is

> > there somenthing else I need to take. I have gained 55 pounda and

they

> > aren't going away not matter what. Any advice?

> > Thank you.

>

[Guest guest]

The reference rangr are:

T-4 FREE 1.0 0.8- 1.8 ng/dL

T-4 (THYROXINE), TOTAL 6.5 4.5-12.5 mcg/dL

TSH 0.69 mIU/L

> 20 years 0.40-5.50

She has never order a FREE T3 test.

-- In Texas_Thyroid_Groups , Jan

wrote:

>

> I cannot say for sure without seeing the reference ranges, but your

Free and Total T4 numbers both appear to be in the lower half of

their ranges. I don't see a T3 test at all.

>

> Most of us need our Free T3 and Free T4 both in the upper half of

their ranges to feel well. Many of us cannot get them there without

our TSH being suppressed.

>

> Have you asked your doc for a larger dose of your T4 med? I would

also ask her to order a Free T3 test. You might also need more

Cytomel.

>

> If your doc is adjusting your dose by the TSH, then you are

doomed, unless you have my favorite surgery: a radical doctor-

ectomy!

>

> hmrlecturatips wrote:

> Hello everybody,

> I need your help, I am not too informed about hypothyroidisim. I

live

> in Dallas and have a Dr. that I don't think is too helpfull. She

keeps

> saying that my weight is because I eat to much. I am in a 1200

calorie

> diet six months ago and my weight still the same. I feel tired all

the

> time and always in a terrible mood. The last test results were:

> T-4 FREE 1.0

> & -4 (THYROXINE), total 6.5

> TSH 0.69

> I am 46 years old. The Dr. Has me in 88mg of shyntroid and 10 of

cytomel

> 5 in the morning and 5 in the afternoon. I am loosing my memory and

my

> sight at a fast speed. Is there somenting else she needs to check?

Is

> there somenthing else I need to take. I have gained 55 pounda and

they

> aren't going away not matter what. Any advice?

> Thank you.

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

> <snip>

> When I came back on July, she send the test you already saw and told

> me that I was healed that my numbers were perfect and she couldn't do

> nothing else to help my symptoms. I have to go back in a week and

> need more info to talk to he. I feel sick every day.

Just before you fire this doc, tell her you are a person, not a number

and that you are NOT perfect!

Sheesh - there ought be a law...

Marti