Re: Letters to Mother

[Guest guest]

<<> so I wrote my mom a letter telling her that I had had it and that I

> wanted her to get the hell out of my life.>>

>

> Well done, good for you, I know how hard it must have been to do. I wrote

> my Mother a letter 3 months ago in which I told her that I wish for peace

> between us and that if we cannot be civil, then I see no point in further

> contact. It was a terribly hard thing for me to do. No matter how vile she

has

> been to me, it still felt like I was cuttting off my own arm. It was only

> through convincing myself that I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF ME, that I was able to

post

> it. Now I know you are going to be shocked, so sit down before reading

> further. Are you readfy to hear what she did about it?

>

> Nothing. Absololutely nothing. She hasn't answered it, hasn't telephoned,

> has ceased to exist in my life. I think there are a couple of reasons why.

> One is that she is playing her game of completely ignoring me, acting as if

> I'd said nothing as usual, then waiting until she has no-one else to call, and

> poof! just like that, she'll think she can call and be back in my life.

Another take is that she actually really doesn't know what to do about my

letter at all. (Not sure about this one because for her to have a reaction to

my

letter, first off she'd have to give a damn.) But Maybe, just maybe, she

really doesn't know how to deal with me now that I'm not going to participate

with her at the usual level - which would me being her savior, cheerleader,

calmer, soother and/or the biggest failure and disppointment that strode the

face

of the earth, depending on her mood.

Take heart, have courage and remember that although this AFFECTS you, it

isn't ABOUT you.

Hugs,

.

[Guest guest]

jutza98@... writes:

> <<Are you new too ? I do not recall seeing your name until today. If

> so, welcome to the group - if not....where have you been? lol>>

Hi ,

Thanks a lot for for the welcome. Yes, I am new to this group - but like

everyone else here, not new to the ordeal. Where have I been? Aha! I came

over

from the Parents of BP Children site since my daughter is BP too. Trust me,

between my Mother and my daughter, the only two women who have been constantly

in my life, I've often wondered when the men in the white coats will be

coming to take ME away. You know how it is. Hey come to think of it, maybe I

should go with them and catch a break!!

.

[Guest guest]

This is how my mom reacted too. She did not resist my request for

no contact. She just went on with life and according to my

grandmother she doesn't even care that I'm not speaking to her. She

tells everyone however that SHE cut off contact with ME.. I suppose

that is the smart thing to do. God forbid anyone discover that I

cut off contact with her. It's quite brilliant actually. This way

she doesn't have to explain why I don't call, write, visit or send

pics of the kids. Instead she tells everyone that SHE cut off

contact with ME because (and GET THIS) I am verbally and emotionally

abusive to HER. She is deathly afraid to speak to me because if she

were to call me I would hang up on her or say abusive things to her

on the phone and " In her condition " she can't take it health-wise.

she loves me but she has to look out for her own

health....brilliant.....and once again...I'm the bitch.

[Guest guest]

> > Now I know you are going to be shocked, so sit down before

> > reading further. Are you readfy to hear what she did about it?

> >

> > Nothing. Absololutely nothing. She hasn't answered it, hasn't

> > telephoned, has ceased to exist in my life.

I was prepared for WWIII when I wrote my nada about a year ago and

told her I didn't want any contact with her for a while. She emailed

me, it was blank except for the subject line " been here done this "

and then I blocked her email address. She sent me something in the

mail, I returned it unopened, like I'd said I would. Since then,

she's been eerily quiet. She's always been wild, raging and

violent. She's never " backed down " from anything or anyone without

putting up one heck of a fight. At first I think it scared me, but

now I just feel thankful and also that it just goes to show that

she's consistently inconsistent and unpredictable. I am the one who

has to be consitent with what I will or will not allow in my life, I

can't even count on her to be wild and crazy!! lol

[Guest guest]

What does " been here done this " even mean?? I am guessing she was

trying to downplay whatever you said to her and make it seem

trivial. That is the kind of thing my mom does too. In fact they

are so good at being hateful to us I think the military should

employ all BPD mom's for Psych Ops to use as psychological warfare.

They are very good at making you want to run yourself off a cliff

just to get away from the madness.

> > > Now I know you are going to be shocked, so sit down before

> > > reading further. Are you readfy to hear what she did about it?

> > >

> > > Nothing. Absololutely nothing. She hasn't answered it,

hasn't

> > > telephoned, has ceased to exist in my life.

>

> I was prepared for WWIII when I wrote my nada about a year ago and

> told her I didn't want any contact with her for a while. She

emailed

> me, it was blank except for the subject line " been here done this "

> and then I blocked her email address. She sent me something in

the

> mail, I returned it unopened, like I'd said I would. Since then,

> she's been eerily quiet. She's always been wild, raging and

> violent. She's never " backed down " from anything or anyone

without

> putting up one heck of a fight. At first I think it scared me,

but

> now I just feel thankful and also that it just goes to show that

> she's consistently inconsistent and unpredictable. I am the one

who

> has to be consitent with what I will or will not allow in my life,

I

> can't even count on her to be wild and crazy!! lol

[Guest guest]

> What does " been here done this " even mean?? I am guessing she was

> trying to downplay whatever you said to her and make it seem

> trivial. That is the kind of thing my mom does too. In fact they

> are so good at being hateful to us I think the military should

> employ all BPD mom's for Psych Ops to use as psychological warfare.

> They are very good at making you want to run yourself off a cliff

> just to get away from the madness.

>

Lol, yes, good idea. They'd be very effective weapons!

I think " been here done this " meant that she believes I've " cut off

contact " with her before. It's not the truth, but I think that's

what she was implying. SHE has cut off contact with ME before. It

made me so mad that I allowed her to slip one in like that, she got

her message across. I deleted it as soon as I saw it was from her,

but then I couldn't stand it so I went and retrieved it and read it

and it was BLANK!! Aaahhhh! See, I broke my own " rule " about not

reading her emails and she'd fixed it to where I still got her

message and then some from the inside of it being blank! She is good

at finding a little " crack " or weakness in a boundary and digging and

picking away at it to get in. I've been pretty extreme in them and

pretty tough. No mail, email, phone calls, or visiting allowed. I

had to decide ahead of time what I'd do if she didn't " respect "

them. I would send back mail to her unopened, block her email,

change my number or call the police. I've only had to deal with the

mail and email so far, it's been a year. But if necessary, I'm

prepared to do the other stuff too.

Otherwise, she'll inch her way back into my life and right now,

that's not OK with me.

[Guest guest]

That is the dilemma I am in. I have had no contact for 7 months.

She completely ignored my pregnancy. I went through major surgery

of a Csection and was in the hospital for 3 days and she never

phoned once and of course doesn't acknowledge the baby or come to

see the baby. But then she sends a box of gifts. No letter just

gifts. Then she cleverly goes around and tells eveyrone she has

sent me gifts for the baby so that I am now the bad guy for not

sending a thank you card. This means no one cares that she didn't

contact me during the pregnancy, didn't call me while I was in the

hospital and did not bother to come see our new baby. All anyone

can see is that I did not send a thank you card for the gifts. But

doesn't anyone realize that if I send her a card I am initiating

contact with her. All I want is to be left alone and she is now

forcing it to where if I do not contact her I am the rude one. I am

going to pack up the crap she sent and return it to sender. I wish

I had done that to begin with. All she did was send that stuff so

she coudl tell everyone about it and use it against me. ACK! Why is

she like this?? Waaaa....I just want a normal mom.

> > What does " been here done this " even mean?? I am guessing she

was

> > trying to downplay whatever you said to her and make it seem

> > trivial. That is the kind of thing my mom does too. In fact

they

> > are so good at being hateful to us I think the military should

> > employ all BPD mom's for Psych Ops to use as psychological

warfare.

> > They are very good at making you want to run yourself off a

cliff

> > just to get away from the madness.

> >

>

> Lol, yes, good idea. They'd be very effective weapons!

> I think " been here done this " meant that she believes I've " cut

off

> contact " with her before. It's not the truth, but I think that's

> what she was implying. SHE has cut off contact with ME before.

It

> made me so mad that I allowed her to slip one in like that, she

got

> her message across. I deleted it as soon as I saw it was from

her,

> but then I couldn't stand it so I went and retrieved it and read

it

> and it was BLANK!! Aaahhhh! See, I broke my own " rule " about not

> reading her emails and she'd fixed it to where I still got her

> message and then some from the inside of it being blank! She is

good

> at finding a little " crack " or weakness in a boundary and digging

and

> picking away at it to get in. I've been pretty extreme in them

and

> pretty tough. No mail, email, phone calls, or visiting allowed.

I

> had to decide ahead of time what I'd do if she didn't " respect "

> them. I would send back mail to her unopened, block her email,

> change my number or call the police. I've only had to deal with

the

> mail and email so far, it's been a year. But if necessary, I'm

> prepared to do the other stuff too.

> Otherwise, she'll inch her way back into my life and right now,

> that's not OK with me.

[Guest guest]

Why don't you just write her a Thank you and say this..or something like

this..

Thank you for the gifts that you sent the baby. Although the baby is

probably going to have some hormonal imbalance that will cause early

childhood developement problems due to the fact that you treated me like

shit and never came to visit me during my pregnancy, we would still like to

say thank you for the material objects. Keep piling them on, they are a

great substitute for your love and they don't bitch at me and put me down,

so they are welcome in my home, where you are not.

If you feel that throwing material objects in our face will make you a

better person than thank you. In fact we could use a stroller and and crib

and more shoes and etc etc..but like usual we don't need you.

Love your daughter and grandchild.

See if she shows that to friends.

My mom kicked me out into the streets for 8 months then bought me a condo so

she could look good.

Normal mom..wish I had one too.

Randy Beth