Re: Never home for the holidays...

[Guest guest]

i always feel a little bit of a scramble around the holidays--a little survival

instinct mixed in with a genuine love for christmas and all that it means. i

think that i will forever long for a big loving family christmas. i usually

plan far in advance to make sure that i have places to go, people to be with,

and meaningful activity. so far i have had some of the best christmases

ever--no surprise tensions that you can cut with a knife--there are alot of

great people out there who need others to celebrate with and one group that i've

locked into are people who have moved here from other countries who don't go

home due to costs, distance, vacation time. It always is interesting and

different. While I don't have the comfort of tradition and knowing what will

happen from year to year, I do have a variety of very exciting and different

experiences. tiki

Never " home " for the holidays...

How does everyone deal with not going " home " for the holidays?

I used to try to, but we'd sit there with tension so thick you could

cut it...and pretend everything was OK when it obviously wasn't.

Mother would try and make me feel guilty for " disrupting " t-giving,

xmas, or whatever,

just because I resisted buying into her whole head trip...finally I

just stopped showing up. Now I spend holidays with S.O., {prior to

that with friends' families} but I sometimes feel strange or maybe

just angry. Maybe both. The holidaze were particularly looney tunes at

mother's house.

thx all...

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[Guest guest]

Hi Tiki -- thanks for your input...

>>i usually plan far in advance to make sure that i have places to go,

people to be with, and meaningful activity.

I've noticed that stratagy works well. My best Christmas so far was

spent in the UK. Over there, it's a strictly social event. Everyone

visits with neighbors/friends/family/adopted family {like me, lol} and

gifts are not expected. It's totally stress free.

>>one group that i've locked into are people who have moved here from

other countries who don't go home due to costs, distance, vacation time.

I'd like to get plugged into that group -- any ideas how to do it?

>>While I don't have the comfort of tradition and knowing what will

happen from year to year, I do have a variety of very exciting and

different experiences. tiki

Talk about turning a negative into a positive -- that's great! I feel

a lot better - so thanks. Maybe it's a little too easy to start

feeling down this time of year...wishing I had a freakin " normal "

family to go " home " to, just like everyone else I know. You seem to

have a good grip. ~d.

One other thing -- how to you deal with inevitable questions like " oh,

don't you miss being with your family this time of year? " I frequently

feel akward when asked these type of ?'s by well meaning

strangers/aquaintances/neighbors...never know what to say...

[Guest guest]

> one group that i've locked into are people who have moved

> here from other countries who don't go home due to costs,

> distance, vacation time.

>

> I'd like to get plugged into that group -- any ideas how to do it?

Look for organizations or clubs that support people newly arrived.

In France we have AVF (Acceuil Villages Française). We have made

many friends through this association, both French and foreign. The

French people who have moved in have more in common with us than with

the locals, because of being new in the region.

Another possibility is that many universities have an international

club. And then there are religious organizations.

- Dan

[Guest guest]

Go where you will truly be loved and appreciated. Volunteer at a soup

kitchen, children's shelter, nursing home, etc. It is the only way I have

coped.

[Guest guest]

well said! tiki--

Christmas is what Christmas should be- a time of peace and harmony. I realize

that I can never have the big whole family together type Christmas, because my

family is not together every other day.

New Yahoo! Photos - easier uploading and sharing

[Guest guest]

>> Look for organizations or clubs that support people newly arrived.

In France we have AVF (Acceuil Villages Française). We have made

many friends through this association, both French and foreign. The

French people who have moved in have more in common with us than with

the locals, because of being new in the region.

Another possibility is that many universities have an international

club. And then there are religious organizations.

> - Dan

Dan -- you're in France? That is *cool* Happy Hols to our French

friends! {I wish I knew how to say that in *Francaise*) Thanks for the

helpful ideas...

~daphne

[Guest guest]

>>Well, actually, I love being home for the holidays :-) my

> home is a really nice place. And the holidays are much

> better here than where I used to go - nada's place (blech).

> :-)

>

> =====

> Hope

LOL. I'm working on the home part -- my own that is. Haven't been to

nada's in years. I like the msg about volunteering in a children's

shelter. Kids need shelter...

[Guest guest]

>>it always feels awkward but i kind of mentally practice a script so

that it rolls nicely off the tongue with a smile of assurance.

You weren't rambling those are great ideas -- thanks. I used to have

that script down really well, but something changed this year. I find

it so awkward I've just been avoiding situations where the ?'s might

come up -- I know isolating isn't good, and I hope by next year this

time it won't be such as issue. Ugg.

[Guest guest]

i avoid situations where my brother is there for people to ask questions and

watch how i mix people. i've now been away from my foo for so long that the

landscape of people have changed and many have not even met my foo. i do have

friends that know my foo and ask about them and don't know that anything has

happened. i've got the if they don't ask i don't tell and if they do ask, i'm

vague and move on to another subject. most people like to talk about themselves

so it isn't hard to move off family questions that are more of a formality and

social courtesy than anything else. if you're hiding this year, make sure you

make yourself your favorite dinner and treat yourself to your kind of

holidays--everything your way! tiki

Re: Never " home " for the holidays...

>>it always feels awkward but i kind of mentally practice a script so

that it rolls nicely off the tongue with a smile of assurance.

You weren't rambling those are great ideas -- thanks. I used to have

that script down really well, but something changed this year. I find

it so awkward I've just been avoiding situations where the ?'s might

come up -- I know isolating isn't good, and I hope by next year this

time it won't be such as issue. Ugg.

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Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

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1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

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[Guest guest]

> Happy Hols to our French friends!

> {I wish I knew how to say that in *Francais*)

Joyeuses Fêtes, Daphne! Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année à tous!

- Dan