My Dad's home visit

[Guest guest]

Hello:

As many of you know, my dad came home this weekend. I picked him up

on Saturday morning at 9 am (the nurse tells me he had breakfast in

record time...8 minutes). When I got there he was wandering the

hallway trying to discern which was his room. He saw me and my my

son Adam and smiled the largest smile we'd seen in a long time. (You

should know he hadn't seen Adam or my 4 year old in about a

week and a half - since the quarantine began) While we were waiting

for the nurse to give us medications for the night, my dad was almost

giddy he was so excited.

He began speculating about how him going home was a great idea

because, as he saw it, his current physical condition meant he'd be

great at home. I told him that we would take it one day at a time

and he began waxing poetic about how improved he was and how he

wouldn't even need an aide to help him at night. Except for him not

even needing an aide, I even believed him a little bit. There before

me sat the closest version of my father as I knew him before LBD. He

was neatly dressed and passionate about what he was trying to

convince me of. I haven't seen that much emotion in him in a very

long time.

Of course, when I drove him to his house things got better. His

friends met him as he got out of my truck and made a proper fuss over

him. He was buoyant. We all were! They came to his garden and

stood by while he examined my mom's tomato seedlings. It was

wonderful for my father to be there and the mood was glorious.

Later we took my kids to their swimming class. I recall telling you

that my dad was a very involved grandparent in the past. He attended

all of their soccer and T-Ball games before he became ill. He had

wanted to see their progress in swimming. Although he was a bit

tired following all the excitement at his home, he was in good

spirits and cheered my boys on as they jumped into the pool in the

deep end just for Nonno.

We came home to my house after that and had dinner. My dad was tired

so we had him lay down for about an hour but he was awake the whole

time. I think he just didn't want to miss a moment of it. After

dinner we played cards and he won!! Honest and truly, he and my

husband beat the pants off my sister and I! He left my place and

headed for my parent's place at about 9 pm. I could tell he was

tired and, when asked if he wanted to go home or go back to the nh he

responded that he just wanted to sleep in his bed. My sister had

agreed to stay the night with my mom and dad.

When he got home, that's when things fell apart. He became restless

and couldn't sit still. Like so many other LBD patients, it's worse

at night for my dad. My mom kept asking him if he wanted to sleep

but he kept saying, " Let's just stay up a bit longer.. " and he'd pace

or get up and sit down. They finally got to bed at about 11 pm and

that's when it became really bad for my dad. He couldn't get

comfortable (thank you Parkinson's) and my mom had to physically help

him shift or change positions. What's more he was constantly up and

down having to go to the washroom (actually he does that a lot. I'm

getting the nh to check in case he has a UTI). My mom tried to

arrange the comfy armchair for him to sleep on but it was no go. She

moved a mattress to the floor - still my dad said he couldn't get

comfortable. My mom says he was willing to try everything but

nothing worked. The entire time he constantly apologized for being

such a bother and my mom thought he was even going to cry a few times.

Yesterday when I arrived at my parent's place I met my dad in his

garden. He was horribly slouched over and just looked dejected

and ... well, deflated is really the best word to describe him. When

I went up to him our conversation went like this:

" Hi Dad. How are you doing? "

" OK but I gave your mom a horrible night. "

" Don't worry Dad. Did you get any sleep? "

" Very little. I never thought I'd be saying this but I can't live

here any more. I see now that this isn't the place for me anymore. "

" Well.., " I said bawling " OK..what about if we pick you up in the

morning and then bring you back at night? "

" We'll see. I'll have to see... " (he said this in a very uncertain

tone)

When I brought him back to the home, I almost heard him heave an

audible sigh. It was then that I knew that the nh is my dad's world

now. It's what he knows and where he feels safe. It's so sad to

think that but his old world is a place wherein he no longer seems

to " fit " or at least it's a place that doesn't provide him with

security or the feeling of capability. My dad needed to see that and

we need to accept that. My dad may forget in the future but I need

to remind myself that I'm fooling myself if I think I can go back -

even if it's only for a little while.

I began this post and knew it would be long. I began it as an answer

to Sandie but I ended up addressing it to all the group.

Have any of you seen this? A colleague at work told me this sounds a

lot like an Alice Munro short story.

Over and over this bastard disease demands that we lose our loved

ones. This slow grieving and stripping away from us is devastating

beyond belief.

Thanks. I'm not crying over this today but I cried tonnes yesterday.

It's just another loss and a day in the life of LBD...

Abby