Abby

[Guest guest]

Oh Abby sweetie.

I can't believe that you or anybody else would miss me. If you only knew the

anger and hurt that runs in my blood some days. I don't always think much of

myself and so my heart stopped for a moment when I read your post. I feel

kind of guilty for letting you down. Please forgive me for not being around

so much.

You needn't worry about going nuts. You hit the nail on the head when you

mentioned stress and fatigue. I have those forgetful moments too. Well I

think I do. Actually I can't remember if I'm forgetful or not. Hmmm. Anyway

I'm told it's a normal part of getting older. I'm too young to be getting

older so it must be madness in my case.

You won't become anything horrible in the future. And if the world does have

nasty plans for you I know your loved ones will love you and care for you

just as you do for your dad.

Take care Abby. I need you here too.

Hugs

PS if you don't hear from me for a while send me an email to kick me up the

arse.....

Re: Runny noses - H.

--- How do you do that exactly? Every time you post I remember how

much I miss you and your humour. You really do add so much to this

site.

Like you, I'm probably a goner insofar as inheriting LBD is

concerned. Truly, I think this disease is as good as mine lately. I

know it's normal to forget from time to time but I seem to do it

often and I'm often at a loss for words that seem to be " on the tip

of my tongue " . Could be stress, could be fatigue - it's just all so

much like my dad it's odd. That used to scare me but now I just

think of how horrible it will be for my loved ones to have to live

with what I'll become.

Having said that, I like oak caskets too but I prefer the darker

stain with the silver accents. In case my loved ones want to know,

can you pass on the message??? LOL!! (You couldn't get me Firth so

can you at least see to it that I get a nice casket???)

As I said before, great to hear from you.

Abby in almost spring-like Toronto

[Guest guest]

> Abby,

>

> Happy Birthday. I hope you have an excellent day!

>

Thanks Courage! I intend to have a great day with my dad who also is

celebrating his birthday tomorrow. (His 76th and my 37th)

Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby:

When I moved to Texas my mother wasn't well and I knew that I couldn't be

there to assist my brother and sisters in her care. I resigned myself of

all decisions as far as she was concerned. My bother and sisters didn't

understand that I wasn't going to come back on them for their actions

concerning her. They kept insisting on a GROUP decision. I knew down deep

that they would do the best they could do for her and that is all I could

ask. You and your family are trying to do " the best you can. " Not everyone

has the same idea of what the " best " is.

When our big dog got cancer the vet said to take her home and love her. He

said to remember how sick she was and to determine when the time came to put

her down who was really suffering. When the time came our suffering started

because we missed her, but her suffering ended. As 's LBD

progresses, I remind myself of this.

This group keeps me on my knees and a tissue box by my computer. My only

regrets are why we a group and that I can't put my arms around each and

everyone of you. (Another reason for the commune)

Find peace in your decision.

in Texas

> Thanks for your support. I do feel enveloped by the positive energy

> this site gives off. It's the reason why I can't stay away from this

> board for even a day. When my computer was off sick with a virus

> (!!!!), I felt bereft without you all.

>

> I am hoping we discover that common ground in my family. I've already

> promised not to bring up my opinion in front of my mom or my sister

> and told them they have my support. I am wanting to be wrong here so

> this isn't that much of a stretch for me.

>

> Thanks once more for your kindness.

>

> Abby

>

>

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Abby-

I do believe you have chosen a very healthy route with your feelings and energy.

I had to do much of the same. I never argued with my brother, in fact, prayed

for him. Many times he would comment that he just didn't know how I did what I

did. He rarely visited my dad, in fact, no one visited my dad on a regular

basis except me. There were times I went to see him 2 or 3 times a day. Yet I

never held the visits or the involvement over my brother's head. I do believe

every one handles situations at their own compacity and it is not for us to

judge. I do, however, remember a couple times my brother stating that 'don't

think this is easy for me, don't think I go to bed feeling good at where I am

at'...and I feel he told me this to let me know I was doing a great job. Also,

the day of the funeral my brother handed me a card, told me to read it later or

even in a few days. It was the most beautiful thank you...said if dad could he

would have thanked me, and that my brother thanked me beyond words.

Also, I am not sure if you know my story - in the end my dad made what seemed to

be a conscious decision to stop eating. I was with him for every meal and 2

times he turned away. For breakfast and lunch one day he would turn away,

grunt, shake his head no, and clench his jaws. The first meal I didn't get it

at first. I asked if he wanted me to have the food taken away and he grunted a

yes. (My dad was unable to hold a conversation for the last 2 1/2 yrs of his

life, and the last year or so could barely even say a word). I knew he wanted

the food gone and by the next meal, while trying to feed him he did the same.

It hit me like a brick wall. I had the food taken away and proceeded with 'the

talk'. I told my dad I knew what he was doing, and that 'it' was ok.

He grabbed my hands and squeezed and together we cried. He lasted another 10

days or so and had less than a cup of a nutrition drink, total, on 2 different

days. The rest of the time he had nothing. So, in the beginning of this

journey for my dad the doctor called an appointment. I was power of attorney so

I had the decisions to make, as to have IV fluids, nutrition, whatever it took

to keep my dad alive. My brother attended this meeting and with each question

he would quietly look my way for the answer, then support me 100%. We chose not

to have my dad hooked up to anything, that it appeared he was making the choice

to end his life. After all, the doctor and I said...'what would we gain'. So,

in a 7 yr struggle with LBD, my dad left this world in what I would consider the

most honorable fashion...he was finally able to make a decision in his life...to

end life.

So, as I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I hold my head high in

respect for my dad who had more courage than anyone else I know.

As I said in my last letter to you, you will make it through this. We are not

responsible for the outcome of every decision we make, but we are responsible

for the love we give, for the support we show to our loved ones as they walk

this LBD path. I am proud of you for putting your own feelings aside and

staying focused on what really matters, your dad. You will be rewarded someday.

As I was drifting off to sleep, I included some special prayers for you,

Courage, and the many other members here who have had some very trying days

lately. When asked how I did what I did in taking care of my dad, my ownly

explanation was that I had faith.

May you feel more strength today than you did yesterday...

Hugs-

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

[Guest guest]

Sandie:

Your story truly touched me and the respect I have for your father

and you and even for your brother who handled it in his own way but

seemingly appreciated all you did for your father at the time, has

increased a hundred-fold. What amazing people you all are.

The tale of how your father made choices is inspiring. In spite of

the cognitive problems, the apparent lack of logic and all else that

impairs the LBD patient, your dad truly appeared to have it all

together. I applaud his choice to make the absolutely most important

choice he ever had to in his life and I know it must have been so

reassuring for him to know you supported him in his choice.

I want to be just as strong and I'm trying to be. Almost as if God

were listening to my prayers, my dad had a great reaction to my kids

today. It had been so long since he had ever made a move to play

with them but today he reached out to my youngest and tried to hug

him. (my 4 year old and my youngest) asked my dad if he

remembered how my dad used to take he and his brother out for

breakfast or for ice cream. My dad told him he did and then promised

him if the weather was nicer on Saturday he would take them out again

and it would be just the three of them. That just about broke my

heart but yet it also gave me some hope that my dad does have some

semblance of joy in his life on some days. I know my dad was being

completely irrational in his desire to have a special outing with my

children but the fact that even the thought of that gave him some joy

is enough for me.

The neurosurgeon's office called and left a message while I was out

at the nh. All my dad's doctors have my number so they call me even

when my sister is the one to call them. They've booked my dad's

surgery for March 31st. He'll have to go in sometime soon for a

PreAdmit consultation and a visit to the Anaesthesia clinic. It

looks like this is definitely going to happen and I'm going to be as

strong for my dad as you have been and continue to be for your father.

Do me a favor? Give a great big hug for me. If he wasn't

there I may have never had the chance to talk to you throughout this

and you've been such a support to me. I tend to think you two

finding one another is a Godincidence that I'm benefitting from as

well.

Lots of love and admiration goes out to you my new friend. Thank you

for your story. I needed to hear it.

Abby

[Guest guest]

Thanks again la.

I hope this operation is one that turns things around for my dad as

well. It certainly seems as if lately the LBD has taken a back seat

to the tumor/cyst in my father's brain so perhaps some relief from it

will get me my dad back for a little while.

I'm glad you have your dad back and that you've been given more time

to make memories with him. That's what I miss most - the fact that I

wish I had created more memories with my dad before this awful beast

came and took over our lives.

Enjoy your night at home la and tell your father Happy

Father's Day from your North American friends.

Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby-

Denial is one of the very stages of grieving...which is what we do during the

journey of LBD. Sounds like possibly your sister is in the process of

acceptance, just is stuck in the denial stage.

Just my thoughts-

Continue to be her guide and example...you are doing such a wonderful job

showing her patience, knowledge, and being the bigger person in all of this

termoil.

My prayers are that this will some day bring you closer than tearing you apart

to the very end of the rope...there really is hope.

Hugs-

Sandie

[Guest guest]

I hope you're right Sandie. I truly do want to like as well as love

my sister.

That's a major roadblock in my life's journey but I haven't given up

on it yet.

Abby

>

> Abby-

>

> Denial is one of the very stages of grieving...which is what we do

during the journey of LBD. Sounds like possibly your sister is in

the process of acceptance, just is stuck in the denial stage.

>

> Just my thoughts-

> Continue to be her guide and example...you are doing such a

wonderful job showing her patience, knowledge, and being the bigger

person in all of this termoil.

>

> My prayers are that this will some day bring you closer than

tearing you apart to the very end of the rope...there really is hope.

>

> Hugs-

>

> Sandie

[Guest guest]

Abby-

I shall clasp my hands together in prayer, for you and your sister.

Do hang onto faith-

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Abby-

You are oh so welcome. Only telling it as I see it.

Do hang in there - life always has a way of working itself out.

There is a motive with my hugs, if I must admit, with every hug I give, I guess

in all reality, I get a hug in return...wheeeeeeeeee

Smiling here in Iowa-

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Bravo to you Sandie for realizing you owed it to yourself and to your

son to maintain your allegiance to yourself.

By leaving you've not only done a service to yourself, you have

instilled in your son a very vital lesson as to how to treat woman in

general and his future gf or wife or whatever. The point is you've

sent a very strong message. As a teacher, I've seen all too often

how kids translate their homelife as being " normal " . Their response

to literature and to the " life " discussions we have in class reveals

where they are in terms of the roles they believe men and women have

in relationship and in families. What I've heard has shocked me.

Another important reason as to why you've done the right thing by

standing up for yourself? He's either sitting right next to you,

looking out the window and praying for snow (still think that's weird

but understandable I suppose for the New Zealander..) or practising

his golf swing.

Have a glorious rest of the evening Sandie.

Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby-

Thank you for the support. Fortunately, or unfortunately is between both

his dad and myself. I truly want to have full reign over him, yet know how

important it is to have both parents involved in a childs life. Someday, God

willing, he will realize how controlling his dad is. I do know, that daily, I

hear his father's words through and I don't much care for it. I feel often

I tell him how to treat people and how he will treat me and talk to me. Yet on

the other hand he has a huge, caring, and loving heart. Hopefully life will

show him a happy medium.

Am now getting ready for bed...Monday is just around the corner, however I have

the week off from UPS....yippeeeee!!

Hugs-

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Abby-

I finally broke down and called New Zealand. By my calculations, would

have been there atleast 6 hrs and I was needing to know he was ok. He answered

and said he had had a nap and was staying the night at his brothers. His

brother said it would be best, given the flight he had just been on. So,

hasn't seen his mom yet, is just trying to recoup from the long flight.

I miss him dearly, miss his voice, and miss having him sitting next to me as I

type.

Thank you for all of your support and for taking away some of the emotions that

have ran rampid throughout my heart...helps to know I am not alone.

Hope you are enjoying your short week...and that life is treating you kind.

Hugs to you-

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Sandie:

Good for you for calling. I was going to suggest it to you last

night but thought it was just me missing him for you. I applaud you

for showing the ultimate reserve and waiting until today before

calling.

I'm glad he's resting after what I imagine was an incredibly long

flight. He must be so happy to be on terra firma again.

I know you're missing him. Wish we could bridge the gap for you both.

I had an incredibly long short week. Don't know why that happens.

As it is, I have 4 four day weeks in a row. Next week, I'm off on

Wednesday because that's the day of my dad's surgery. The week after

that I'm off on Friday for Good Friday and then the following Monday

is Easter Monday so yet another day off. If we keep this up June

will come around before I know it.

Thanks Sandie for the nice words. Honestly, they're not necessary.

You're so easy to be nice to.

Have a happy Friday,

Abby

[Guest guest]

:-))

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Abby:

I was in your country in 2000. I so enjoyed the country side. We took a

tour and saw a lot but still want to see more. We were there in the spring

and everything was so green and blooming. We stayed in London and took

tours. We walked everywhere in London. I am so glad I came when I did

because now since I am taking care of my LBD LO but some day I will return

to search for more beauty. Our tour guide said she loved to come to Dallas

to shop. We invited her here any time the shopping desire struck her. Same

goes for you!!! Texas is so beautiful.

" Mind The Gap "

in Texas

Re: Sandie

> See :

>

> You've drawn my mind down deep into a gutter again. I was having

> such a nice image of Sandie's mom loving yellow roses as much as I

> did and you go and start talking " bottoms " again and I'm right back

> into Josie's suggestion we all visit the UK, go to a gym and check

> out your bottom.....Hmmm...LOL!!!

>

> On a more serious note, thanks . You,however, are never on the

> bottom of my list silly!! Right up there you are. I need your

> kindness and your humour far too much to delegate you to the

> bottom... (there I go - just look at what you've started...)

>

> Bottoms up my UK pal...

>

> Abby

>

>

>

> > Abby,

> >

> > Add me to the long list of people thinking of you and your family.

> Add me

> > somewhere near the bottom.

> > (I'm talking about bottoms again. What's wrong with me!?)

> >

> >

> ]

>

>

>

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

:

My husband and I have decided that as soon as we're able, we are

going to start making memories with our kids. Our first plan is to

drive across Canada...and then, who knows? Texas sounds amazing...

While my dad is still with us I'm reluctant to travel like you.

Maybe I should start saving big-time for all the traveling we'll do.

By the way, if you're here again, you'll have to visit. Here in

Kleinburg, everything blooms and I even live across from a hiking

trail.

Have a great Saturday,

Abby

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the welcome back! I've missed posting to you too.

I have some really great friends but people here really know what we

have to deal with and really understand. Can't believe i went that

long being off here. Hopefully i can stay caught up except it'll be

hard again when i leave for Vegas but i'll just be sending my prayers

from Vegas instead of Wisconsin. Always thinking how everyone is

doing.

Hope your boys are good. Last time i talked with you one was sick.

Hugs-

Sharon

-- In LBDcaregivers , " abbybb1 " <BBagam@r...> wrote:

> What a great surprise to see your name on here again. I've missed

> our posting back and forth.

>

> WELCOME BACK!!

>

> My dad is going in for surgery on Wednesday. Thanks for the good

> wishes. You've always been so good about sending them out. Thanks.

>

> This community is amazing isn't it? It's the first thing I do when

I

> have a minute - check this board. I've never really been a member

of

> any other site but I'm guessing few others would offer the level of

> comfort for me that I get on here.

>

> You sound like you've been busy and coming out of a... well, funk

> (for lack of a better word. My mind is fudge today, I swear..).

I'm

> glad you're back. Just post when you can. We'll all be here

waiting

> for you when you do.

>

> Once more, welcome back. So happy you found your way back to us.

>

> Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby:

Just said my prayer. HE will be with you.

in Texas

Abby

> Don't know if i'll be on tonight when i get home from being with mom

> so before i go i wanted to let you know i'll be thinking of you, your

> dad and family tomorrow and sending prayers to you all.

> I wish all of you didn't have to go through this, just is not fair.

> My heart goes out to you and your family.

> Hugs-

> Sharon

>

>

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Abby-

Thinking of you, and keeping you close in my prayers. Hugging you with my

heart-

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Abby-

Please tell me, how is your dad doing?

Also, your AWOL did put a scare in me, yet now I sit assured that you are doing

fine...so glad we are both back. Whew, never know about us.

Hugging you tonight with my heart and soul-

Sandie

[Guest guest]

Abby-

I am so pleased that you are open to others and what we have to say.

You are a valued member here, and a 'one of a kind friend' in my life.

I hold our friendship in high esteem and look forward to reading days in the

life of Abby, even with LBD. Thank you for receiving my message so openly.

Love and many hugs-

Sandie

[Guest guest]

===> smiling in earnest today. Had a better day with dad and I've

actually slept for two days in a row.

Thanks Sandie,

Abby

>

> Abby-

>

> I am so pleased that you are open to others and what we have to say.

> You are a valued member here, and a 'one of a kind friend' in my

life.

> I hold our friendship in high esteem and look forward to reading

days in the life of Abby, even with LBD. Thank you for receiving my

message so openly.

>

> Love and many hugs-

> Sandie

[Guest guest]

Dear Abby-

I felt warm fuzzies when I read your post stating how your dad thought you could

be happier doing something other than tending to him.

You handled him and that situation with the utmost honor and dignity.

I am proud of you, as I know he is.

Thinking of you Abby, and rejoicing in the day you spent with your dad.

Hugs-

Sandie

[Guest guest]

I am sorry your dad had another bad night and am thankful that he didn't hit

his head. It sounds like you handled your mom beautifully, explaining that

reasoning doesn't work and that Lewy was to blame. You are giving her the

tools to deal with situations that are difficult but that can be handled

with love. Wow. You are a fantastic daughter to both your mom and your

dad.

Kath

Sandie

> Sandie:

>

> The image of you trying to walk your hamster amidst Iowa snow drifts

> really cracks me up!! Too funny...

>

> My dad had a bad night to go along with his bad day. They called me

> at work this morning ( " they " being the nh) to tell me my dad fell

> from his bed. This had happened before in late mid February and that

> time he had to get six stiches above his eye. This time we were

> luckier. Yet again he was trying to get out of bed to go to the

> washroom. The only thing is, the nurses leave his bed rails up as a

> precautionary measure but my dad tried to hoist himself over and

> whamo!! bum and back on floor.

>

> We're so fortunate he didn't hit his head. He just had the staples

> from his surgery removed yesterday (He had 30 of them...in his

> scalp...Ouch!! I'm so glad he won't have to go through that again).

> I'm worried about his theory re: his invincibility because he thinks

> he can do so much more than he actually can. While I celebrate the

> fact that he is more mobile, I'm afraid of what this will lead him to

> do when he's feeling particularly " Superman-ish " .

>

> OK...here's me revealing a great deal to you - some of it that's

> quite embarrassing. My mom told me that all day today my dad wanted

> my mom to close the door to his room and lie down in bed with him.

> My mom has told him time and again that she can't do that, but today

> he was particularly insistent. My mom was quite perturbed by it and

> more than a little embarrassed as she told me. I've tried to reveal

> to her that she needs to distract him somehow since telling him she

> can't and trying to rationalize with him won't work thanks to our

> horrible nemesis Lewey. She maintained that my dad was never " like

> that " before and yet again I had to assure her he's still not like

> that....Lewey is.

>

> Well, now that I've spilled more than I originally intended to when I

> first began this post, I'm about ready to sign off.

>

> I think you've done a very good thing indeed getting rid of a man who

> intimated that you were a spend thrift while you were buying

> detergent and food. Those aren't even fun things to buy!!! He must

> be mad!!!

>

> Have a great Tuesday night Sandie and an awesome Wednesday...

>

> Abby

>

>

>

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>