Re: Hoovered again (((((Edith...Help)))))

[Guest guest]

What a BIG BUNCH of CRAP!!!!! Those FOO of yours just don't get it!

And they never will! The truth almost blew over their house of cards,

and now they're desperately trying to keep it together with FOO GOO!

The Wicked Witch has them all under her spell, and nothing will change

it. Not now, or ever. It's very easy for them to keep peace with the

Witch if you're the problem. If they exonerate you, then there's the

Witch to pay, and that's too stiff a price to pay.

It's amazing how all our stories tie together. The details differ, but

the underlying dynamics are all the same.

And here we are......... outside looking in....... I'm there too, so

let's stand together and watch the House of Cards sway to and fro in the

winds of truth which shackles them, but sets us free! They're the

fools!

Hang in there!

Carol M

getevenpersevere@... wrote:

> Can't believe I did it ... again ... has been Y E A R S since I fell in this

> badly.

>

> Re: I've opted out of FOO gatherings, including Christmas, for about 20

> years. I see my dad every few weeks; avoid mother altogether. Have had a

tenuous

> relationship with my sister, on/off again.

>

> I trusted my sister when she came over to bring Christmas presents a few days

> ago...and she wanted to 'share' her frustration with our parents. I confided

> in her that I've been on an antidepressant for almost 3 years. My sister

> confided in me that she has ulcers, and believes the stress of mother's

hostility

> is a cause; that our youngest 'Golden Boy' brother only rarely visits our

> parents anymore; and told me that our middle brother has just married his 5th

> wife/sees our parents about once a year. My sister told me that SHE has 'had

> enough' of mother criticizing HER every move/word/zit. I gave her some books,

> she seemed grateful; Children of The Self-Obsorbed/Stop Walking On

> Eggshells/Understanding the Borderline Mother. And I emailed her links to a

couple of

> sites that support KOs. I also sent the links to our brothers...big mistake.

>

> My sister is visiting her daughters on the west coast for a week...I've no

> idea whether she is checking her email...keeping up with this drama. She has

> told our brothers about my being on antidepressants! My brothers are in prime

> 'enmeshed' form.

>

> I was shaken for a few hours after getting the first email, but am ok now.

> I'm pasting these; has anyone else been caught up in such a triangle? My

> brothers send 'copies' to one another of our emails...we never have one-on-one

> conversations.

>

> Thanks for allowing me to vent, Carol

> from 'middle' brother:

> Carol, You are going to have to fight your battle with your imaginary demons

> concerning our parents without me. I, for one, would wish for no other. Please

> DO NOT send me any more of this kind of crap.

> If you wish to communicate with one another on the level of brother and

> sister without the repeated attacks on Mother and Daddy, I would truly love

that.

> Otherwise, I wish you well, and wish your family the best of luck.

> And from my youngest brother: (the link was an info site on Schizophrenia):

> Carol After reading the passing of mail between you and I must say that

> I feel the exact same way as him.

> I have NO past memories of abuse nor do I believe YOU have any this is a

> disease called Schizophrenia one that you have been fighting for many years.

> And one that has changed not only your life but the entire familles.

> I have reviewed every old movie ever made and I have found NO signs of abuse.

> Me and glenda And ny Have tried to communicate and stay in touch from

> time to time and as for my self I have called and tried to make plans for us

to

> do things together and they have never worked out.

> I Would love to be able to communicate on a sister brother level as so

> stated.

> I am sending a link that you may enjoy as well look it over and get back with

> me on it.

> It will be on a mail of its own.

> I hope this family can get together and be the family it should be.

[Guest guest]

Carol,

On the letters from your brothers, Ouch!!

My first thought was that they didn't get it because the abuse

wasn't visited on them.

My next thought was, wait a minute. Suppose they were really

completely unaware of all this. A normal caring person, reading

about your pain, would be supportive. These were not supportive

letters.

It isn't about you.

Let's both cry.

- Dan

[Guest guest]

Carol -- Ho Man I'm sorry you were sucked in! Heading to the airport

can't add my thoughts right now just virtual (((hugs)))

acceptin' one comment on brother's words: " I have reviewed every old

movie ever made and I have found NO signs of abuse. "

heh heh we all know he hasn't seen *every* movie yet. These things

never happen in a vacuume. hang tough ~d.

[Guest guest]

curious--what link did your second mentioned brother send you to discuss? I

think it is possible that one child can be more abused than another and may have

been given special or different treatment. Denial feels so bad and validation

and support (neither brother gave you these) so bad. accepting mental illness

in a family is so hard for everyone. sorry this happened, tiki

Re: Hoovered again (((((Edith...Help)))))

Can't believe I did it ... again ... has been Y E A R S since I fell in this

badly.

Re: I've opted out of FOO gatherings, including Christmas, for about 20

years. I see my dad every few weeks; avoid mother altogether. Have had a

tenuous

relationship with my sister, on/off again.

I trusted my sister when she came over to bring Christmas presents a few days

ago...and she wanted to 'share' her frustration with our parents. I confided

in her that I've been on an antidepressant for almost 3 years. My sister

confided in me that she has ulcers, and believes the stress of mother's

hostility

is a cause; that our youngest 'Golden Boy' brother only rarely visits our

parents anymore; and told me that our middle brother has just married his 5th

wife/sees our parents about once a year. My sister told me that SHE has 'had

enough' of mother criticizing HER every move/word/zit. I gave her some books,

she seemed grateful; Children of The Self-Obsorbed/Stop Walking On

Eggshells/Understanding the Borderline Mother. And I emailed her links to a

couple of

sites that support KOs. I also sent the links to our brothers...big mistake.

My sister is visiting her daughters on the west coast for a week...I've no

idea whether she is checking her email...keeping up with this drama. She has

told our brothers about my being on antidepressants! My brothers are in prime

'enmeshed' form.

I was shaken for a few hours after getting the first email, but am ok now.

I'm pasting these; has anyone else been caught up in such a triangle? My

brothers send 'copies' to one another of our emails...we never have one-on-one

conversations.

Thanks for allowing me to vent, Carol

from 'middle' brother:

Carol, You are going to have to fight your battle with your imaginary demons

concerning our parents without me. I, for one, would wish for no other. Please

DO NOT send me any more of this kind of crap.

If you wish to communicate with one another on the level of brother and

sister without the repeated attacks on Mother and Daddy, I would truly love

that.

Otherwise, I wish you well, and wish your family the best of luck.

And from my youngest brother: (the link was an info site on Schizophrenia):

Carol After reading the passing of mail between you and I must say that

I feel the exact same way as him.

I have NO past memories of abuse nor do I believe YOU have any this is a

disease called Schizophrenia one that you have been fighting for many years.

And one that has changed not only your life but the entire familles.

I have reviewed every old movie ever made and I have found NO signs of abuse.

Me and glenda And ny Have tried to communicate and stay in touch from

time to time and as for my self I have called and tried to make plans for us

to

do things together and they have never worked out.

I Would love to be able to communicate on a sister brother level as so

stated.

I am sending a link that you may enjoy as well look it over and get back with

me on it.

It will be on a mail of its own.

I hope this family can get together and be the family it should be.

[Guest guest]

Carol,

How dare you interrupt the dysfunctional balance! Those who've taken the

blue pill don't want to hear about the red pill.

Does " sister brother level " communication consist of preventing discussion

of controversial (taboo) topics? One doesn't have to agree to validate.

Alice 's " insidious collection of cruel myths " comes to mind

(particularly #s 1, 2, 3, 11, 12, 13, 15):

1. A feeling of duty produces love.

2. Hatred can be done away with by forbidding it.

3. Parents deserve respect simply because they are parents.

4. Children are undeserving of respect simply because they are children.

5. Obedience makes a child strong.

6. A high degree of self-esteem is harmful.

7. A low degree of self-esteem makes a person altruistic.

8. Tenderness (doting) is harmful.

9. Responding to a child's needs is wrong.

10. Severity and coldness are a good preparation for life.

11. A pretense of gratitude is better than honest ingratitude.

12. The way you behave is more important than the way you really are.

13. Neither parents nor God would survive being offended.

14. The body is something dirty and disgusting.

15. Strong feelings are harmful.

16. Parents are creatures free of drives and guilt.

17. Parents are always right. "

greg

[Guest guest]

correction--validation and support feel sooo goood. sorry for the typo, tiki

Re: Hoovered again (((((Edith...Help)))))

Can't believe I did it ... again ... has been Y E A R S since I fell in this

badly.

Re: I've opted out of FOO gatherings, including Christmas, for about 20

years. I see my dad every few weeks; avoid mother altogether. Have had a

tenuous

relationship with my sister, on/off again.

I trusted my sister when she came over to bring Christmas presents a few

days

ago...and she wanted to 'share' her frustration with our parents. I

confided

in her that I've been on an antidepressant for almost 3 years. My sister

confided in me that she has ulcers, and believes the stress of mother's

hostility

is a cause; that our youngest 'Golden Boy' brother only rarely visits our

parents anymore; and told me that our middle brother has just married his

5th

wife/sees our parents about once a year. My sister told me that SHE has

'had

enough' of mother criticizing HER every move/word/zit. I gave her some

books,

she seemed grateful; Children of The Self-Obsorbed/Stop Walking On

Eggshells/Understanding the Borderline Mother. And I emailed her links to a

couple of

sites that support KOs. I also sent the links to our brothers...big

mistake.

My sister is visiting her daughters on the west coast for a week...I've no

idea whether she is checking her email...keeping up with this drama. She

has

told our brothers about my being on antidepressants! My brothers are in

prime

'enmeshed' form.

I was shaken for a few hours after getting the first email, but am ok now.

I'm pasting these; has anyone else been caught up in such a triangle? My

brothers send 'copies' to one another of our emails...we never have

one-on-one

conversations.

Thanks for allowing me to vent, Carol

from 'middle' brother:

Carol, You are going to have to fight your battle with your imaginary demons

concerning our parents without me. I, for one, would wish for no other.

Please

DO NOT send me any more of this kind of crap.

If you wish to communicate with one another on the level of brother and

sister without the repeated attacks on Mother and Daddy, I would truly love

that.

Otherwise, I wish you well, and wish your family the best of luck.

And from my youngest brother: (the link was an info site on Schizophrenia):

Carol After reading the passing of mail between you and I must say that

I feel the exact same way as him.

I have NO past memories of abuse nor do I believe YOU have any this is a

disease called Schizophrenia one that you have been fighting for many years.

And one that has changed not only your life but the entire familles.

I have reviewed every old movie ever made and I have found NO signs of

abuse.

Me and glenda And ny Have tried to communicate and stay in touch from

time to time and as for my self I have called and tried to make plans for us

to

do things together and they have never worked out.

I Would love to be able to communicate on a sister brother level as so

stated.

I am sending a link that you may enjoy as well look it over and get back

with

me on it.

It will be on a mail of its own.

I hope this family can get together and be the family it should be.