Re: Re: Dad's Results at Dr.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Abby. Sending you strength and hope too.

I feel much better now. When I got off the computer earlier this evening I

really did feel like I was going to be sick and the tears just kept coming!

I calmed myself down then spoke to my sister and youngest brother. My

sister and I decided that we want to find a different doctor for my dad.

His current doctor removed my dad's prostate 10 years ago but kept saying it

was 7 years ago. Then he couldn't remember which meds he gave him (couldn't

find it anywhere in his files!) but did suggest a different dose than my

father is currently taking...scary! Also, why didn't this doctor follow up

with my dad within these 10 years? Aren't doctors supposed to do this with

former cancer patients? I know we should have been proactive but as I've

written before I always kept my parents at arms length before my mom got

sick.

I decided not to have that large glass of wine afterall. I knew that if I

started I'd end up drinking the whole damned bottle and it's no fun getting

looped on your own cause you only end up weeping (at least I do!). Besides,

its up and at 'em tomorrow to take care of mom.

On a brighter note, I bought some temporary tattoo eyebrows on Saturday and

tried them tonight. They look pretty good expect I goofed on my right hand

side and the eyebrow is a little off - makes me look real surprised on the

right hand side of my face....good thing I didn't have that wine cause I

probably would have applied the eyebrows on my chin!

Courage

Re: Dad's Results at Dr.

>Courage:

>

>Getting confirmation of the worst case scenario sucks big time!

>

>The good news is that the doctors must be hopeful about your dad's

>ability to fight this or they would be going the surgery route right

>from the get go. The fact that they are going to try to " shrink " it

>via medicine and then do radiation as a double dose of security

>sounds like they think they have a chance. My sister in law's dad

>had prostrate surgery and has fared really well even now 3 years

>later (he's actually returning from a 6 month visit to Italy

>tonight!!). I recall my sister telling me that had the doctors felt

>it was possible they would have tried the non-surgical approach for

>her dad. That means the doctor must feel your father has an

>opportunity to fight this without having to go through surgery!!

>

>I also find your dad's spirit hopeful. He's willing to fight and I

>believe that's far more than half the battle. The psychological

>drive to get better and beat cancer has been the most vital component

>for all the cancer survivors I know. It's amazing even now, when the

>c-word is " new " and scary for your dad, he's determined to fight.

>

>Also positive is your dad having you. You are awesome and I know

>you'll be there being Wonderwoman for both your mom and dad (and

>neglecting yourself horribly in the process unfortunately). You'll

>come to know as much or more than any doctor or nurse taking care of

>your father. He's blessed to have you.

>

>We're all here to support you as your support all the others who need

>you. What makes it easier is knowing that and your son is

>there to love you in person.

>

>Sending you strength and hope,

>

>Abby

>

>

>

>Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Abby:

It has been almost too much to write you. I can imagine the place you are

in, very difficult. We have been there, but luckily, we all agreed on what to

do. I know you have had a lot of similar opinions from many DRs. Do you think

that presenting the present picture of your dad's diagnosis to each one of

them would give you a better guideline? Would it help your mom and sister to

get a more complete picture of what your Dad's life will be after the procedure?

When we were in this situation with my dad, the DRs came out to tell us that

they could continue to prolong life, at the risk of a lot of futile suffering

for Dad; or they could withhold all medication, let his body rest and him pass

peacefully. That was when we put him in Hospice, and they took over,

medicating him only for comfort. I was with my mom making the desicion.

The decision was made it easier because my dad had always said he did not

want " heroic " measures taken to prolong his life. Have any of you spoken to

your dad about this? My dad was very proactive about everything in life, my mom

thought he was morbid. He ended up being very smart about his old age,

planning it well even after he was gone.

I had done research on the end of life with LBD. I knew my dad had not

gotten to the very last stages, which are really horrific. He was already

having

the most terrifying hallucinations at night, but they were beginning to appear

during the day as well. I just didn't want him to live in that horrible world

he imagined. He was a terrified little boy, and there was nothing we could

do to bring him out of that world and intervene in his terror. He was also

having joint pain, which is another symptom of the last stages of LBD, he could

not eat or drink, and he was still months away from the very end, since he

would hae been physically strong while taking his medications.

I am not trying to tell you what to think, this was my father's, my family's

and my decision. We were lucky that we all agreed. My mom was the one with

the legal authority to decide and she had to be the one to say what to do. She

felt she was condemning him to death. I assured her that was what he would

have wanted, my sister also agreed, although she wasn't there, but on the

phone. It is a very dramatic moment in a family's life to make a final desicion

for someone that had been the one making all the important decisions for

everyone. Passing the authority to your mom is very difficult for her. She is

going

to need lots of support. I hope you all have had this conversation with your

dad, and I hope you all do whatever he thought would be best for himself.

I am very sorry you are facing this horrible situation, that your dad's cyst

continues to grow. I agree that any further treatment will only worsen his

LBD and who knows if any improvements will be achieved with the cyst. It will

probably be painful and really scary for him, now that his reasoning has been

impaired. Have you talked to him about this? Does he know what is happening

with his cyst and what the DRs said. I inferred from what you said that the DR

doesn't think that " prolonging life at any cost " is the way to go. I think

he was gently trying to steer you away from any further action. This is

commendable, since he could put the money of the procedure in his pocket. I

think,

although a little distracted and too sure of his position, he is trying to do

the right thing. Let me know if I am wrong.

I am praying for your dad, your family and you. You will reach a point where

you have to leave everything in the Lord's hands. I know how difficult it is

to stop working towards a happy solution. The feeling is that we only have

to try a lot harder and the positive result will happen. You still have a lot

of steps to take, but even those will soon become a moot point. How soon does

this procedure have to be scheduled? Have your mom and sister said anything

about a time frame?

I am very sorry your dad has to go through this. The most important thing is

to do what is best for him, to realistically evaluate how long he has and how

much comfort he can receive by doing more or less. I send you all the

strength I can. Please continue to tell us what is happenning and how you are

feeling. We are here for you to do what we can, even if it is just to listen.

Much love,

Josie

[Guest guest]

Yes, Courage, follow your instinct. If you don't feel comfortable

with this doctor, find a new one. I agree with you, he should have

followed up with your dad (and be able to find the files with drugs

and doses)!

You've been wise not to drink wine with Abby ;-)

All the best,

la

>Thanks Abby. Sending you strength and hope too.

>

>I feel much better now. When I got off the computer earlier this evening I

>really did feel like I was going to be sick and the tears just kept coming!

>I calmed myself down then spoke to my sister and youngest brother. My

>sister and I decided that we want to find a different doctor for my dad.

>His current doctor removed my dad's prostate 10 years ago but kept saying it

>was 7 years ago. Then he couldn't remember which meds he gave him (couldn't

>find it anywhere in his files!) but did suggest a different dose than my

>father is currently taking...scary! Also, why didn't this doctor follow up

>with my dad within these 10 years? Aren't doctors supposed to do this with

>former cancer patients? I know we should have been proactive but as I've

>written before I always kept my parents at arms length before my mom got

>sick.

>I decided not to have that large glass of wine afterall. I knew that if I

>started I'd end up drinking the whole damned bottle and it's no fun getting

>looped on your own cause you only end up weeping (at least I do!). Besides,

>its up and at 'em tomorrow to take care of mom.

>On a brighter note, I bought some temporary tattoo eyebrows on Saturday and

>tried them tonight. They look pretty good expect I goofed on my right hand

>side and the eyebrow is a little off - makes me look real surprised on the

>right hand side of my face....good thing I didn't have that wine cause I

>probably would have applied the eyebrows on my chin!

>Courage

[Guest guest]

Dear Courage:

I will be praying for yu and your dad for the 29th. My best to your family,

hugs,

Josie

[Guest guest]

. I have an appt. on the 29th with my father and we are going to book

some appts to have more tests to see if the cancer has spread beyond the

remaining area of the prostate/bladder etc. Dad will also see another

Urologist and an Oncologist.

I do feel better about this.

Courage

Re: Re: Dad's Results at Dr.

>Yes, Courage, follow your instinct. If you don't feel comfortable

>with this doctor, find a new one. I agree with you, he should have

>followed up with your dad (and be able to find the files with drugs

>and doses)!

>

>You've been wise not to drink wine with Abby ;-)

>

>All the best,

>la

>

>>Thanks Abby. Sending you strength and hope too.

>>

>>I feel much better now. When I got off the computer earlier this evening

I

>>really did feel like I was going to be sick and the tears just kept

coming!

>>I calmed myself down then spoke to my sister and youngest brother. My

>>sister and I decided that we want to find a different doctor for my dad.

>>His current doctor removed my dad's prostate 10 years ago but kept saying

it

>>was 7 years ago. Then he couldn't remember which meds he gave him

(couldn't

>>find it anywhere in his files!) but did suggest a different dose than my

>>father is currently taking...scary! Also, why didn't this doctor follow

up

>>with my dad within these 10 years? Aren't doctors supposed to do this

with

>>former cancer patients? I know we should have been proactive but as I've

>>written before I always kept my parents at arms length before my mom got

>>sick.

>>I decided not to have that large glass of wine afterall. I knew that if I

>>started I'd end up drinking the whole damned bottle and it's no fun

getting

>>looped on your own cause you only end up weeping (at least I do!).

Besides,

>>its up and at 'em tomorrow to take care of mom.

>>On a brighter note, I bought some temporary tattoo eyebrows on Saturday

and

>>tried them tonight. They look pretty good expect I goofed on my right

hand

>>side and the eyebrow is a little off - makes me look real surprised on the

>>right hand side of my face....good thing I didn't have that wine cause I

>>probably would have applied the eyebrows on my chin!

>>Courage

>

>