Re: Interesting Conversation/mad as hell

[Guest guest]

Courage:

You're very kind to call that conversation " interesting " - your

sister was pretty much being a bully and that would totally piss me

off as well.

You do more than enough and you're fortunate that your mom responds

well to you and walks well for you but be careful about

assuming " full ownership " since you yourself have just come off of

a " down " time a few months ago. Your sister (who, as I understand

it, is living very conveniently at your parents' place) needs to do

more and she has absolutely no right to hassle you about where your

mom should be blah, blah, blah.....

I'm not trying to force my opinion on you and I'm sorry if it sounds

that way. I am thinking of the comfort Olivia has in her home and

how you, who tend to her most of the day virtually every day, need

your home as an escape from caregiving. Plus, I don't think it would

do your dad good to be separated from your mom. Basically, I worried

about you and it bugs me that your sister has led you to feel there

needs to be a major upheaval just because her life has been intruded

upon.

Sorry, ranting my head off again. Must try to train myself out of

that.

Be strong my friend and stand firm. You are an awesome daughter

already - don't forget about yourself and don't let your sister call

the shots.

Abby

[Guest guest]

Thanks Abby and everyone for the wonderful support around this issue. I'm

sure my sister and I will have words eventually but I'm going to try to let

this not get to me. I used to be able to let things slide in one ear and

out the other with my family and need to get back to that place soon but

with mom ill and now dad I've had to get really involved. I do love my

family but sometimes they just drive me to drink!

Courage

Re: Interesting Conversation/mad as hell

>

>Courage:

>

>You're very kind to call that conversation " interesting " - your

>sister was pretty much being a bully and that would totally piss me

>off as well.

>

>You do more than enough and you're fortunate that your mom responds

>well to you and walks well for you but be careful about

>assuming " full ownership " since you yourself have just come off of

>a " down " time a few months ago. Your sister (who, as I understand

>it, is living very conveniently at your parents' place) needs to do

>more and she has absolutely no right to hassle you about where your

>mom should be blah, blah, blah.....

>

>I'm not trying to force my opinion on you and I'm sorry if it sounds

>that way. I am thinking of the comfort Olivia has in her home and

>how you, who tend to her most of the day virtually every day, need

>your home as an escape from caregiving. Plus, I don't think it would

>do your dad good to be separated from your mom. Basically, I worried

>about you and it bugs me that your sister has led you to feel there

>needs to be a major upheaval just because her life has been intruded

>upon.

>

>Sorry, ranting my head off again. Must try to train myself out of

>that.

>

>Be strong my friend and stand firm. You are an awesome daughter

>already - don't forget about yourself and don't let your sister call

>the shots.

>

>Abby

>

>

>

>Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I do love my

> family but sometimes they just drive me to drink!

> Courage

Well that being said Courage - your family and your reaction to them

is very, very normal.

Good choice to not let it get to you amongst all else that is going

on.

Abby

[Guest guest]

Hi Courage

I just read your note about your sister and can feel your anger and

frustration and rightly so. I know how upset I was a couple of years ago

when my sister felt mom should leave her home and go into a nh because she

had glaucoma and she said she was " almost blind " based on the test they had

done at the hospital. Her theory was that it was easier to get mom adjusted

when she still had some sight left...turns out the LBD caused enough

confusion/ eye hand co-ordination was off and so the test was likely

inaccurate. Didn't matter though because about two months later is when all

hell broke loose and we had to move her out of her home...I remember driving

to my aunt's to talk to her about how upset I was with my sister and that I

didn't think it was " the best thing " for mom and wondered what my sister's

motives were. I still don't know if there were any motives, but I remember

saying to her that if that happened " she wouldn't visit " . She said she

would but I reminded her that she didn't go to see grandma once she was in

the nursing home because she " didn't want to see her like that " . Phooey!

It is the right thing to do regardless if it makes you uncomfortable. We

are standing behind you Courage cheering you on...thousands of us all agree

that you are doing what is best for Olivia so don't despair.

Kath

Interesting Conversation/mad as hell

> Just talked to my sister a while ago and she told me that they had a

really hard time getting mom into the shower and out. Again, she said

something along the lines of " you're there for a few hours " but its

different in the mornings and at night. Is this my sisters way of telling

me that I'm not doing enough? That I should be putting in more hours? If

it is then all I've got to say is hell no. I feel I do more than my share

and she is just going to have to work her way through the time she spends

with mom like I do. Then I again listened to how mom should have been

placed in a NH long ago (she's got POA, dammit!). The conversation went on

to how we should take mom to the hospital so that they will find a home for

her right away. It's mom's birthday tomorrow - should this be her family's

present to her? I called her back and again said that I'd rather have mom

stay here with me while we waited for our choice of NH to come through

rather than have mom just stuck somewhere. For whatever reason mom will

walk with me. Well, that wasn't good either. Why is she behaving like a

friggin' alarmist and drama queen?

> I'm madder than a hatter right now and would really like to slap someone!

This is it, I've got to tell my sister to knock it off with these comments

and that she has no right to say these things to me. Funny how she never

complains about taking care of mom when all things run smoothly and she is

able to go out for a night of dancing with her friends. I'm going to tell

my daugther that she ensure my sister not have a say over me or POA at any

time as I'm afraid that the minute I become an inconvenience to her I'll be

shipped off to Siberia! Screw that, the second I start having difficulty

caring for myself I'm going to put myself on my choice of NH!

> Courage

>

> Please follow this link to learn more about Lewy Body Dementia

> http://www.lewybodydementia.org

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Kath.

Courage

Re: Interesting Conversation/mad as hell

>Hi Courage

>I just read your note about your sister and can feel your anger and

>frustration and rightly so. I know how upset I was a couple of years ago

>when my sister felt mom should leave her home and go into a nh because she

>had glaucoma and she said she was " almost blind " based on the test they had

>done at the hospital. Her theory was that it was easier to get mom

adjusted

>when she still had some sight left...turns out the LBD caused enough

>confusion/ eye hand co-ordination was off and so the test was likely

>inaccurate. Didn't matter though because about two months later is when

all

>hell broke loose and we had to move her out of her home...I remember

driving

>to my aunt's to talk to her about how upset I was with my sister and that I

>didn't think it was " the best thing " for mom and wondered what my sister's

>motives were. I still don't know if there were any motives, but I remember

>saying to her that if that happened " she wouldn't visit " . She said she

>would but I reminded her that she didn't go to see grandma once she was in

>the nursing home because she " didn't want to see her like that " . Phooey!

>It is the right thing to do regardless if it makes you uncomfortable. We

>are standing behind you Courage cheering you on...thousands of us all agree

>that you are doing what is best for Olivia so don't despair.

>

>Kath

> Interesting Conversation/mad as hell

>

>

>> Just talked to my sister a while ago and she told me that they had a

>really hard time getting mom into the shower and out. Again, she said

>something along the lines of " you're there for a few hours " but its

>different in the mornings and at night. Is this my sisters way of telling

>me that I'm not doing enough? That I should be putting in more hours? If

>it is then all I've got to say is hell no. I feel I do more than my share

>and she is just going to have to work her way through the time she spends

>with mom like I do. Then I again listened to how mom should have been

>placed in a NH long ago (she's got POA, dammit!). The conversation went on

>to how we should take mom to the hospital so that they will find a home for

>her right away. It's mom's birthday tomorrow - should this be her family's

>present to her? I called her back and again said that I'd rather have mom

>stay here with me while we waited for our choice of NH to come through

>rather than have mom just stuck somewhere. For whatever reason mom will

>walk with me. Well, that wasn't good either. Why is she behaving like a

>friggin' alarmist and drama queen?

>> I'm madder than a hatter right now and would really like to slap someone!

>This is it, I've got to tell my sister to knock it off with these comments

>and that she has no right to say these things to me. Funny how she never

>complains about taking care of mom when all things run smoothly and she is

>able to go out for a night of dancing with her friends. I'm going to tell

>my daugther that she ensure my sister not have a say over me or POA at any

>time as I'm afraid that the minute I become an inconvenience to her I'll be

>shipped off to Siberia! Screw that, the second I start having difficulty

>caring for myself I'm going to put myself on my choice of NH!

>> Courage

>>

>> Please follow this link to learn more about Lewy Body Dementia

>> http://www.lewybodydementia.org

>>

>>

>>