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Re: Reaction formation?

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Hi Scout,

I've read something related to reaction formation having a biological basis.

It applies to the BP as well as her children, who have learned responses from

her. These are related to the fight or flight response during stress.

In 'Understanding The Borderline Mother', by Ann Lawson, brain

functioning is effected by having a BD caregiver. This continues to effect us

into adulthood. Early experiences...stress...shape the pattern of wiring and

cause the number of synapses (the connections between nerve cells) in the brain

to increase or decrease by as much as 25%. ... unconscious fear memories

established through the amygdala appear to be indelibly burned into the brain

....

To summarize, learned responses to the abuses we suffered are probably with

us for life. But, we can learn to control our behaviors.

Carol

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>

> It applies to the BP as well as her children, who have learned

responses from

> her. These are related to the fight or flight response during

stress.

What I don't understand though is the fact that this is not a

mechanism my mother uses. How would I inherit this from her

if it's not something she does? Trust me, she is very clear

about what she thinks and wants and sees, and it does not matter

who it harms. A lot of this started for me when she told me

that nobody likes me because I " always have to be right " . So I

guess I decided then and there that I could no longer " be right " .

But it's not a mechanism she uses, otherwise I'd have known before

now that it actually has a name. Maybe children of BPs use

defense mechanisms because that is the only way to survive with

a piece of yourself intact. For me it's a choice, one I make

because I clearly do not know when it is OK for me to be ok with

being " right " , and although I know when I am right and when I'm

not, it comes down to not feeling that it's worth it to prove it

to anyone else so long as I know it myself. It just seems to me

with BP they actually convince themselves of things and have no

idea of reality. That isn't the same as what I do.

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>

> I think now that the ADHD symptoms are the result, not the cause,

of

> the behavior and identity problems. The Ritalin has indeed helped

my

> self-esteem and self-confidence. I ran out of it, because it got

> caught up in the Christmas mail rush. It is a useful experiment,

to

> see if I can hang onto the self-confidence that I learned I can

have.

>

Since Ritalin has been somewhat effective, do you suggest that those

of us given an ADHD diagnosis (even if we don't think it's an accurate

diagnosis), see about being prescribed Ritalin? I guess I was

thinking, if the symptoms are SIMILAR to ADHD, and if the medication

for ADHD is at all effective, then perhaps it would not hurt to

treat the symptoms regardless of agreement with the diagnosis.

I hope that made sense.

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> Since Ritalin has been somewhat effective, do you suggest

> that those of us given an ADHD diagnosis (even if we don't

> think it's an accurate diagnosis), see about being prescribed

> Ritalin? I guess I was thinking, if the symptoms are SIMILAR

> to ADHD, and if the medication for ADHD is at all effective,

> then perhaps it would not hurt to treat the symptoms regardless

> of agreement with the diagnosis.

>

> I hope that made sense.

Yes, I am thinking along the same lines. After starting Ritalin I

made more rapid and complete progress on having a feeling of self-

worth than I ever did before. I am reducing the dose now, because my

supply got interrupted (again), and so far the self-confidence is

staying solid and I am not feeling any depression. This might really

be a catalyst to get unstuck, and I have been stuck all my life.

So, if you have a doctor brave enough to prescribe it to see what

happens, go for it. Keep notes on the effects. Here in France there

are no doctors that brave, because Ritalin is controlled the same as

morphine, and there is no approved use for it in adults. I hope I

don't get caught in possession of it. I am feeling no addictive

urges and I am definitely controlling it, it is not controlling me.

I don't consider it a dangerous drug for adults.

- Dan

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