Guest guest Posted November 8, 2003 Report Share Posted November 8, 2003 dear michael, thank you for the sweetness of your words. thank you for hearing where i was coming from. interpreting 's words from position of " i am persecuted for my very existence " , has created an insane story which spilled out online. it is so hard for me to choose non-catastrophical stories as they have been my very identity, maybe that is what she meant when she said " identity interfers with intimacy " . i am not able to hear teaching of self-realisation because I only hear it in a catastrohpical way, as personal Armaggeddon. and what surfaces comes from a place of lack of self-value, and self-rejection. my religion was only that of self-hate all my life. for 10 years of my life i was praying to God " have mercy on me, wretched unworthy sinner " . and at that time i really believed that to be true. that my nature is a FLAW at core. that I do not belong because of how sinful i am. and that i am not lovable because of the sinfullness. I come from a place of darkness, i was born in a catastrophical world as a little self-terrorist. it was me i have been terrorizing. i have been so ever ready to hurt myself brutally for the sake of Truth, that I missed the whole point that who I am is the Truth. So hurting myself is hurting the very Truth I am worshipping. I have been worshipping the Truth as the other. And I really came to see that the Truth is " me " . that is a miracle because i thought " me " is an obstacle to the Truth. it is my duty to God to end catastrophy in one instance -- my own. To nourish and protect absence of catastrophy as the highest good. thank you for your inspiration love elena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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