[Fwd: Fw: 5 minute management course]

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�5 minute management course

Lesson 1:�A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.�The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.�When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.�Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'�After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.�The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs � � �When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'�'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.�'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'�Moral of the story:�If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.�Lesson 2:�A priest offered a Nun a lift.�She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.�The priest nearly had an accident.�After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.�The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'�The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.�The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'�The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'�Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily�and went on her way.�On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'�Moral of the story:�If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.�Lesson 3:�A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.�They rub it and a Genie comes out.�The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'�'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in theBahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'�Puff! She's gone.�'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'�Puff! He's gone.�'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.�The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after�lunch.'�Moral of the story:�Always let your boss have the first say.�Lesson 4�An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.�A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'�The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'�So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.�Moral of the story:�To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.�Lesson 5�A turkey was chatting with a bull.�'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'�'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'�The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.�The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.�Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.�He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.�Moral of the story:�Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..�Lesson 6�A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.�While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.�As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.�The dung was actually thawing him out!�He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.�A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.�Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.�Morals of the story:�(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.�(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your�� friend.(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep�� your mouth shut!�� � THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE�Send this to���at least�five bright, funny�people you know and make their day!

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