Eva --Re: I need... blah blah blah... Andy

[Guest guest]

> These thoughts, untrue and heavy, are keeping us down, are keeping

us

> fixated, addicted to all the shoulds we impose on someone else, are

> keeping us from spreading our wings and explore what's there in the

> world to explore.

>

>

> *****Hello Eva ~ maybe you'd like to explore where " these thoughts,

> untrue and heavy " which are keeping you down, come from? Does Eva

> will these thoughts? Is Eva's consciousness generating them...are

> they initiated by the Eva who " receives " (experiences) them?

>

> Or is something else at work here.

>

> A story. At some large amusement parks there are these rides, for

> kids, where they sit in a small motor boat and the boat moves along

a

> water courseway. A child sits in the pilot's seat and turns the

> wheel which " steers " the boat.

> We are just grown-up children. ;-)) Get it?

>

> [Thanks to Wayne Liquorman for this enlightening insight.]

Hi Andy,

I read this same metaphor just yesterday, I think it was in " A Course

in Consciousness " to which you gave the link a little while ago --

wonderful, it's full of mind-expanding thoughts, or maybe

conciousness-expanding, not *mind*-expanding?

To answer your questions:

> Does Eva will these thoughts?

If you mean 'will' in the sense of 'control': no, it doens't feel

like I'm controlling them.

If you mean 'will' in the sense of 'wish' (such as in 'God wills

it'), I'm sort of mixed: part of me wants to shoot them! part of me

feels attached to them like to an addiction, it really feels like an

addiction in the sense that you want it and you don't want it.

I want it because without it I feel... fear? The thought gives a kind

of comfortable feeling because it's an old friend, I know it will

always be there for me..., unlike my friend .... haha :-), and in

this way I sort of keep my friend with me, in a negative kind of

way...

And I don't want it because the thought also makes me feel lonely.

So what I find is that the thought keeps me company, and it makes me

feel lonely. But still this lonely feeling gives me comfort, in a

strange way....

BTW, there is something else I discovered about the sadness that goes

with these needy thoughts:

I use it to manipulate my friend!

I discovered this after I read something in Pinker's book 'How

the Mind Works', it says somewhere that our emotions are sometimes or

often aimed at manipulating the people around us, but because,

according to theory, people are very good at detecting 'fake'

emotions, our evolutionary past has made sure we really feel the

emotions that we employ to manipulate our fellow humans....

For me it was an insight: I really felt sad because my friend didn't

behave like I wanted him to, but also I noticed that whenever my

friend felt motivated to adapt his behavior in order to accomodate

me, in passing I caught a feeling of triumph. That feeling of triumph

made me aware that what I really wanted was to manipulate him through

my sadness.

I hadn't noticed it before because the feeling was too embarrassing

to let itself be known to me.... but reading Pinker made me open up

to the possibility...and so I caught it!

> Is Eva's consciousness generating them...

You tell me! The moment I catch my consciousness red handed with its

pants down I'll let you know.

> are they initiated by the Eva who " receives " (experiences) them?

They don't appear to be initiated *by* me, they appear however to be

initiated *in* me, but I could be wrong!

Eva