Re: Re: I'm a bad moderator. - Tom

[Guest guest]

Jan wrote:

> Tom-

> Your work on the question Am I bad moderator had a charge for me.

I'm

> not sure about this - my - response back to you below. I think in

> areas of my communication, I'm sharing my judgements of you without

> doing the work on them or questioning them. I don't know how to not

> do this and say what I feel like saying, but I'm increasingly

> realizing that this is not a peaceful way of being.

Hi, Jan. I so appreciate this paragraph. It put the rest of what you

say in perspective so I felt no sting of judgement at all. Thank you.

> So with that in mind....

>

> Tom Barron wrote:

> > " I'm not keeping the list on topic. I'm a bad moderator. "

>

> I appreciate how you appear to be feeling - Carol's post on another

> board was for me also a nice wake up look. Your wording - I'm a bad

> moderator - is so harsh for me - I FEEL like I might be a bad

> moderator - keeps it as a layer not the core of who you are - much

> kinder language to me.

Yes, " bad " feels harsh to me, too. I hesitated over that in

formulating the thought to work on. Since that was the wording that

came up first, I decided to go with it.

> > ...

> > - less theoretical discussion and more focus on meeting folks

> > where they are (more dictating

>

> Eckhardt Tolle, nne on, etc. says that the purpose of

you

> being here is to arrive at your own happiness and move the world

> towards happiness. So for me, your word dictator is too harsh but

the

> word facilitator fits for me.

Yes, I agree. Dictator feels harsh to me, too. I think that came from

listening to some of 's tapes in which she uses the word dictator

to describe one's demand that others change to support one's

happiness.

I like the statement of purpose you quote from Tolle, on, etc.

It rings true for me.

> If I understand it rightly, the object of the four questions is to

> take us deep inside of ourselves and confront everything that robs

> us

> of our peace. As a facilitator is it not your job to simply notice

> when someone abandons going inside themself and moves into external

> dissertations to gently move them back to self inquiry?

Hmmm... Could be. That's a thought for me to chew on. Thank you, Jan.

I don't know that I can really tell when someone abandons going

inside, but I could respond as you suggest when it appears to me that

that's the case.

> > ...

> > - I look forward to being thought a bad moderator, by myself or

> > others. (it'll put me back into The Work)

> >

> > love,

> > Tom

> This for me sounds like a list to completely annihilate any

> responsibility to moderate - is it reasonable to expect that

> sometimes, someone will get off task and if you notice it to gently

> call them on it and ask them to return to SELF inquiry not continued

> abandonment of self and judgement of others?

Yes, that does seem reasonable to me.

> These are my thoughts about your work, Tom Terrific.

Thank you, Sweet Jan. Your name for me makes me smile and purr.

Later, Jan wrote:

> > Tom-

> > Your work on the question Am I bad moderator had a charge for me.

I'm

> > not sure about this - my - response back to you below. I think in

> > areas of my communication, I'm sharing my judgements of you

without

> > doing the work on them or questioning them. I don't know how to

not

> > do this and say what I feel like saying, but I'm increasingly

> > realizing that this is not a peaceful way of being.

> >

> > So with that in mind....

>

> and then I went on to judge, judge, judge and abandon myself - like

> you need me to point out where you are " off the mark " ....

Hahaha! Isn't that a neat lesson in " you never know how your words

will land " ? You judge that you were judging, my sense is that you were

truly helping. I received the gift of seeing myself through your eyes

for a moment.

> I laugh - I'm getting this - almost the moment I'm doing it, but not

> quite - how's it for you over there?

The weather's very nice over here. Thank you for asking. I didn't

experience judgement from you at all, especially the way you framed

what you shared with the first paragraph pointing out that your

judgements were more about you than about me (at least, that's what I

understood that paragraph to be saying).

My experience was of a friend being helpful by sharing her perspective

on what she was seeing me do -- the sort of feedback I find

exceedingly helpful. I was very glad to receive your response and

learn that I, too, see some words as more harsh than others, and I can

be kind to myself by choosing words that feel gentler to me.

I love you, Jan.

Tom