Guest guest Posted January 1, 2003 Report Share Posted January 1, 2003 Dan wrote: > Myself, I insist on using the word " mother " , even thought I do not > have one in the supportive sense of the word. I am like Harry > Potter, I put on a brave front by saying " Voldemort " instead of > " He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named " . Very good, Dan! I think everyone has a different reason for whether or not to use the term " nada. " It stands for " not a mother " , I think, but the Spanish definition of " nothing " also fits. I prefer to use the term mother. That's because there's some small part of me that feels that name calling pulls me down on her level. That's because she has called me so many names over the years. If I call her names back then I am still enmeshed with her. Even hate can keep me attached to someone. Detaching with love is what has helped me the most. I can use " nada " in a general sense but I have trouble using it specifically for my own mother. Yet, I can totally relate to others, and their use of the term nada, perhaps in order to *separate* from their mother, to remind them that she was not a mother in the typical sense of the word. She was a biological or legal mother but she did not provide most of the skills or protection that a mother should provide. It is important to keep that in mind. We all use different methods to get to that point. I had some counseling very early on that helped me rewrite those unwritten rules about what a mother should do vs. what my own mother really did. I wrote down items that applied to an ideal mother ( " A mother should always tell the truth " ) and items that applied to my own mother ( " My mother lies to me regularly " ) as a way to separate the myth from the reality. There was a very long list! Then I wrote how I needed to change my behavior to match my reality instead of the myth (e.g., " I will not trust what my mother says without verification from a third party. " ) I highly recommend this exercise. But I can understand using the term nada as another way to help with the same sort of thing. If it helps, then go for it! But I think now I might switch to " She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named " ! LOL! Hugs, Marjorie in Oregon ahimsa@... Free your books! See books I've set free at: http://bookcrossing.com/referral/ahimsa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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