Guest guest Posted January 1, 2003 Report Share Posted January 1, 2003 I know the feeling exactly..I didn't contend with my family of origin for either holidays either, but the wonderful thing is now with all this new growth there is no going back which is protective espe ially when u even consider these monetary relapses of stepping back into the insanity...It does get better * But I guess I feel guilty, becaue (gulp) I had a nice Christmas and New Years Eve. Very calm, no drama, no violence, no substance abuse to contend with. And I missed them a little, I missed my nephews so, so much, and I cannot believe that this is me. It is like I have morphed into someone with very strong boundaries and limits and I'm not used to this person I am becoming and today I feel like a meanie. I want to call everyone and say " never mind, never mind, it really is my fault " But I can't go back either, and I feel really alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2003 Report Share Posted January 1, 2003 Woo! Hoo! Ticker tape parade! Celebrations in the street! You've just taken a big leap over a giant boulder in the road! Stay focused on " the light " at the end of the tunnek, which is, according to your words, " I had a nice Christmas and New Years Eve. Very calm, no drama, no violence, no substance abuse to contend with. " That's where it's at!!!! Yes, there will still be some lonely times, and some sad times, and some FOGgy times, but little by little it lessens and eventually goes away. Changing isn't easy, and it's normal to want to go back to the old crap, even when we know it'll be sheer hell. Stay strong! You're well on your way! SmileS! Carol tiaraflower@... wrote: > > I think I'm having a big FOG relapse. I feel like I am such a terrible > person for not seeing my nada on Christmas or New Years, and maybe I am being > too much of a hard ass. I'm so hard on myself, and I do have a tendency to > be hard on others. > > Nada left me a message the day after the holiday, and she sounded so sad and > she said she missed me. But I know it is a hoover, but I feel bad for her, > too. She lost her husband, she is all alone down there where she lives, > she's not a great driver so she avoids the highways and I have *always* been > there. > > I did not get one Christmas card from anyone in my family, though to be fair > I moved and didn't give anyone a forwarding address. But not even my aunt > and cousins, and I think my BPD sister's distortion campaign has really > worked well for her. > > But I guess I feel guilty, because (gulp) I had a nice Christmas and New > Years Eve. Very calm, no drama, no violence, no substance abuse to contend > with. And I missed them a little, I missed my nephews so, so much, and I > cannot believe that this is me. It is like I have morphed into someone with > very strong boundaries and limits and I'm not used to this person I am > becoming and today I feel like a meanie. I want to call everyone and say > " never mind, never mind, it really is my fault " But I can't go back either, > and I feel really alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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