Never know if suicide was BP or not

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone,

I posted here a few years ago, and had wondered if my late husband

was BP or not. Now I have a serious delemna of trying to figure out

how to deal with my in-laws. I'm absolutely certain that they are

both Narcissistic (oh, how is that spelled?) They were a great source

of difficulty as my husband tried so hard to resolve himself to not

being guilty for wanting to parent his children differently. He would

rage about them and how they messed him up, and he tried to look at

his issues, but had pretty much repressed all of his childhood. There

were confessions from his nutsy biological mother during a visit last

Christmas. She had had no interest in him until he was required to

take guardianship of her during an alcohol induced coma. Her

confessions included that of sexual abuse duriong his infancy. His

heritage has some very disturbing acceptances of some horendous

things due to isolation and the likes,...I believe that may be why

people just disappearing without anyone showing conscern for looking

for them may be because there is an understanding that that is one of

the few ways to escape the horrible ways they treat eachother....

Thus my husbands childhood. While pretending normal after being

taken in by a normal looking step-familyNeglegence and bullying

dictatorship by father...mother comtrols to the best of her ability

by projecting emotional responsibility on to anyone but herself.

I fell for the illusion for a while. But my sweet souled husband

just lost his battle to standing up to the hierarchy!!

Now they try to take his belongings from his work and lie to the

worters to claim them...'supposedly to bring to me'...NOT!There are

suspicious dealings with all sorts of finances, and I simply stopped

having anything to do with them after my husbands tools were brought

home to me. Now I have a lawyer, and a big mess of an estate to

figure out, and two young children to see through this...there was no

will left, and I tried to stay in the house we were in together for a

while, but just couldn't.

My MIL just won't accept my boundary. I asked 3 months ago for

her to let me get ahold of her when I was ready to talk with them

about what things would need to change in the way we relate to

eachother as well as that there will be no alcohol or drugs of any

kind used around my children...one of the factors to their daddy's

poor choice. My MIL has not let more than 2 weeks go by without

attempting contact. Now she is trying to go through my step-son's

guardian, as well as through notes sent in Christmas packages.

I know they have suffered a loss too, but this was my husband.

It had turned into doomestic violence as he projected his rage onto

me...a rage fired by his contacts with them and the battle he had

going as the result of....I just want them to give me the time I need

to take care of all that I have to do before pouring my energy into

trying to make sure they are okay. That they feel okay. That they

don't feel guilty.

IT " S NOT MY JOB!! It won't help anyone right now for them to keep

pushing. My kids are doing so well, and then I try to write them a

letter because they have gotten another message through, and I get

all angry and guilt starts to come up...I just don't have the eor

this right now. My kids have got to come first. I'm definately up

there too. Then all the rest of the job ahead of me..I feel like

calling them and telling them to just grow-up. I was his wife and

should not be asked to be making sure anyone else is feeling fine

right now..!..?..!

I'm conscerned about the way they relate to my kids now too. There

have been so many things I havn't been comfortable with, and now I

just can't let the dysfunction continue. My kids lives may depend on

alot of things changing now. I can't let the same patterning

continue. I need to lead by example.

I wonder...does anyone know of a websight for narcissistic

offspring? Perhaps I can pull my thoughts together there. It's been a

long time since I read Eggshells, because it seemed to bother my

husband after he took a look at it. I sooo wish he could have found

some help, but I don't know how with so much of his history

repressed!

Any help out there? Anyone ever have something like this to deal

with? If this is an inappropriate place to be posting this stuff, I'm

sorry. I just needed to vent alot of it. Thankyou for letting me..

Trying to move forward gently......Nicky