Re: Anne: Re: End stages question -

[Guest guest]

Debbie:

This sounds like hospice care. It is the kindest thing we can do for our

LO's. Your aunt was lucky to come home. We couldn't take my dad home because

my

mom could not have taken care of him in their condition. My dad's room was

turned into a Hospice room and given that kind of care. The morphine keeps

them from being in pain, and their breathing response is decreased. They pass

very peacefully.

Josie

[Guest guest]

Debbie and Donna:

My dad was a planner. He had made funeral arrangements for both himself and

my mom many years before, like 20 years. Everything was paid for, we only had

to pay for the flowers we ordered for him. He had his plot in the cemetery

and because he changed from burial to cremation, there were no additional

charges. It is definetelly easier to make arrangemente ahead of time.

Josie

[Guest guest]

Josie,

Whenever you and others write about the final days of their LO's I can't

help but think how brave you all are. I don't know if I have that kind of

courage. I have always been freaked out about death and can get myself in

such a state about it all that I end up having a panic attack. I pray now

big time to find the strength to help my mother at this time but I have to

admit that I have serious doubts. Please you all seem to be doing ok - of

course, none of you should be screaming messes but I'm always scared that

this is what I will turn into....crazy, I know.

Courage

Re: Anne: Re: End stages question -

>Debbie:

>

>This sounds like hospice care. It is the kindest thing we can do for our

>LO's. Your aunt was lucky to come home. We couldn't take my dad home

because my

>mom could not have taken care of him in their condition. My dad's room was

>turned into a Hospice room and given that kind of care. The morphine keeps

>them from being in pain, and their breathing response is decreased. They

pass

>very peacefully.

>

>Josie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Courage:

I have had to face my own mortality several times. It made me realize that I

was not afraid, although I had been obsessin about dying for years. My aunt

that brought me up and was my " real " mom until I was 17 died in Cuba 7 years

later. I never saw her again after I left Cuba. There is nothing more painful

than not being there for them at the end. When my other aunt died, I stayed

overnight in the hospital. She was the sister of the one that died in Cuba,

and she had been there for me and my sister all our childhoods, and later

when she came to the States, for my nephew, nieces and my own daughters. She

died in my arms. It was peaceful and beautiful and I felt I did something for

her, especially just give her my love to the end.

Unfortunatelly none of us was there when my dad died, but I feel he died

shortly after we left, but one still wonders how it went and how much he needed

us

then. The process after the death is more complicated. It has been a

blessing for me to be able to write about it here, to go through those emotions,

all

the details, and process them one by one. Whenever there is a post that

touches me emotinally, it is obviously because is something that I need to

address

for my own mental process. The fact that I can help others here is what

makes this whole thing so incredibly rewarding, it is not just for my own

benefit.

Try not to worry about it. When you need the wisdom and strength, God will

bestow it on you. You have the group, you have done so much for all of us and

for promoting our mission. I think the secret is to take each day at a time,

not to worry about each hurdle that is to come, but concentrate in the

challenges of the day while planning for the future in a proactive way. I have

been

taking one day at a time, I don't think I know how to be proactive, but I

seem to be doing ok, helped by a lot of faith.

Take care of yourself, don't obsess, God will provide for you. I continue to

pray for you and your family. Many hugs, love,

Josie