Guest guest Posted December 22, 2003 Report Share Posted December 22, 2003 Dear Eva, Yes. > These thoughts, untrue and heavy, are keeping us down, are > keeping us fixated, addicted to all the shoulds we impose on > someone else, are keeping us from spreading our wings and explore > what's there in the world to explore. Funny thing is that, after two days of spinning thoughts, doing the best i could to do the work and stay present for myself, puffy eyes from so much crying, this sweet man that i was agonizing about losing his love, called me and asked if he could take me to dinner. All of my fears and worries and thoughts were complete and utter projection... what i had feared was going on on his end, was not. The snake was such a rope. There's a lot in this experience for me. This morning i observe myself flip-floping to the other end of this crazy spectrum for me, which is my fear of hurting him and questions of " do i really want him? " Isn't that just absurd? I wonder whether this back and forth is not just all head/mind games to keep me from the peace and love of the moment. I so want to be centered and come from a place of love whether/when i'm with him or whether/when i'm alone but that did not seem to be my path this past weekend. The learning and self-realization goes on. Here's to the spreading of our wings and exploring the world. Love, Heidi > Heidi, I'm happy my sharing was helpful. > I can relate to your list of things you need as well.... > I had the image of how I was crushing this wonderful bird in my > clenching fist, wanting it to stay with me, be there for me, only me. > But of course, a bird cannot be happy if it is held captive, or even > if it is with someone who wants to hold it down... > And I cannot be happy if the bird is unhappy. > But also I myself hold myself captive by my mistaken thoughts, these > lies, about how I would be happier if only.... > > So, like you said, in other words, you need to be able to fly as well! > > These thoughts, untrue and heavy, are keeping us down, are keeping us > fixated, addicted to all the shoulds we impose on someone else, are > keeping us from spreading our wings and explore what's there in the > world to explore. > > However, if we find the spark of interest in our own world to > explore, the richness of it, it is also so much more fun to meet with > the other birds, to share our experiences, the dialogues become rich > and satisfying instead of poor (repetitive) and hungry ..... > > In my experience, it helps to change my focus: > See the poverty of my behavior now, my narrow focus on my addictive > thoughts, and then, see how this poverty and addiction makes me blind > and ignorant the richness of everything else that is happening just > for me! > The sounds, the colors, the textures of the things I touch, to name > just a few of the simple things... > > Anyway, that's the exercise I find helpful .... changing my focus! > > Love, > Eva > > > I am so thankful that you shared your experience on the list. It > helps me see a > > glimmer, a crack in this cement wall of thoughts and stories that > are painful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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