You can lose him.

[Guest guest]

Sweetie, let's take a look. You can lose him -- is that true?

--No, it's not true but i don't know that in my bones. I still believe it.

How do you react when you think that thought?

--i hang on tightly. i am afraid. i try to figure out ways to keep

him. i see him as a security blanket and carry him around with me all

the time, afraid to open the grip of my fingers.

--i need reassurance and ask for it, that his mind isn't made up, that

nothing is written in stone, nothing is hard and fast...

--i think of all the scary scenarios of life without him and miss him

already.

--i think of him as a thing i possess rather than a man i love.

--i look for signs and guarantees.

--i am in the past, reliving past break-ups, and in the future,

worried aobut this one, wondering if it really is one and how i will

live through it. i've already lost him when i think this way. And i've

lost myself b/c i'm totally wrapped up in needing him.

--my mind is spinning scary stories.

--i give myself an identity and it's completely dependent on him.

Does the thought that you can lose him give you stress or peace?

--Only stress. Nothing peaceful.

Baby, who would you be without the thought that you can lose him?

--i would not be worried. i would sink into this moment, this time

alone, and get to know me. I would trust what is for my highest good

to be what will happen, what *is* happening now.

--i would not need to figure it all out now. Ever (?)

--i would watch him come and go in peace, with lightness in my heart.

i would feel compassion for the part of him that is afraid. i

understand that part. i would smile and hold that part, not needing

anything from it/him.

--i would understand that together = love, apart = love... we are

showing it the best we can.

--trusting the process, however it appears in this moment.

TA> I can't lose him -- could be as true, or truer. Regardless of what

happens we are friends. If last night was " losing him " we were

certainly much more open and vulnerable and transparent than at other

times -- in that sense i can find him. Our true natures were in

beautiful connection.

> I can find him -- ? maybe only through what looks like losing him

can i find him.

> I can lose me -- yes, when i become obsessed with not losing him i

lose my heart centeredness and become anxious. The anxiety simply

reminds me to come back to me and my heart.

> I can find me -- also true -- through all this pain, this ancient

pain that i've been resisting, trying to work away, fix away, run

away, etc away, i may be finding me at my core, me with all identities

and needs stripped away, me without my layers of fears.