Guest guest Posted December 22, 2003 Report Share Posted December 22, 2003 Dear , You said: " What I am saying is: do not despair, if it doesn't round up right now. There may be so many other beliefs hanging onto it. Be gentle to yourself. Take a valium. Calm down. Then do the work. Perhaps you would like to aproach these beliefs more slowly? " Thank you for your kind words. Yes, the pressure and timeline i put on myself to undo the stories, to be healthy, to love without attachment and clinging, well therein lies some of the turmoil. If i could be gentle with myself in the midst of the turmoil, seeing that that is what is right now, well, that would be good. I had moments of doing that this weekend. I did it this morning too when i felt myself fliping into the opposite end of this attachment pendulum and just noticed it was just the mind doing its thing. Yes, there probably are many thoughts under this story. Many beliefs. Then again, maybe not. What the hell do *i* know! Love, Heidi > Dear Heidi, > > > > >> *****Heidi, is there another thought behind the ones above? A belief > >> that " if I do This Work, I should be getting/seeing results RIGHT > >> NOW " ? Perhaps it *is* sinking into your heart, but maybe not at the > >> rate you would prefer it to? Have you set up a timeline, an agenda > >> for how It should/will work? Is *that* causing you upset? > > > > Yes, Andy. I think i must hold that belief... it's related to an old > > belief that if i study > > hard enough and do everything perfectly then i will do well, and, i > > think doing well, in > > this case, would look like letting go, having peace of mind, being > > undone of the story, > > feeling free in the way i love. What i notice instead is that i do > > what i'm supposed to > > do and inquire on the painful thoughts related to this big dramatic > > story, and it still > > has much more of a charge than i want it to. > > > > I recall a recent occasion where I had to do the work over and over. > Nevertheless, the pain was still there. > > It began with: > > my wife should not fall in love with someone else. > > Well, she did. And it kept hurting me thinking of her having sex with > this man. Or her having him as a friend. Then she also had a one- night > stand with an other guy. > > I made plenty of works over this whole situation. Actually, this story > is what brought me to the work in the first place. > > There have been so many tournarounds ever since. And even some > realizations. > > As I realized much later, I had cheated her. We had had a agreement at > a certain point of our relationship (she said, she needed this > agreement, or she could not go on with the relationship - she felt > trapped), that we could have sex with other people. > > Now after she had this one-night stand, she told me about all the times > she had had sex with other men. I was very hurt then. This got her > confused, since we had had this agreement. So she had trusted me when I > said it was ok by me for her to have sex with other men. But then I > failed her, as it did hurt. > > When I realized this, so many stories fell off at once. > > This has been a long development that took me months of work. > > What I am saying is: do not despair, if it doesn't round up right now. > There may be so many other beliefs hanging onto it. Be gentle to > yourself. Take a valium. Calm down. Then do the work. Perhaps you would > like to aproach these beliefs more slowly? > > Love, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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