Work: I'm not keeping the list on topic. I'm a bad moderator.

[Guest guest]

" I'm not keeping the list on topic. I'm a bad moderator. "

1 Is it true? Yes, it is true that I'm not keeping the list on topic.

Is it true that I'm being a bad moderator? Well, one person has

made a comment about this to me (not saying I was a " bad "

moderator, but suggesting she might do things differently). And a

group of people have started another list specifically for doing

The Work (as opposed to entertaining philosophical discussions).

Isn't that supposed to be what this list is for? Isn't it my job to

keep this list " safe " for people who want to focus on The Work?

(Hmmm... more beliefs to inquire on...)

a What's the reality of it? I'm not even sure I know what " on topic "

means in this context. says a lot of stuff that sounds very

like what Andy and Neo say. I know I'm not an expert about

nonduality, so how can I expect myself to know what's on topic and

what's not? Maybe I should require that be mentioned every

third post? Am I supposed to be the " police " ? :)

b Whose business is it what I post? Mine.

Whose business is it what others post? Theirs? But what if what

they post drives away people who want to focus on The Work? As

moderator, don't I have a responsibility there?

2 Can I absolutely know that it's true? No. For all I know, the list

is keeping itself on topic. For all I know, I'm doing the role of

" lwi moderator " just right. After all, how I'm doing it is what is.

a Can I know what is best for the group's path? No.

for my own path? No.

b Can I know that I'd be happier if I got what I think I want? No.

I'm not even sure what I think I want.

f What do I think I would have? What I think I would like to have

is...

- less conflict

- everybody happy (does that sound like a dictator or what?)

- more people doing The Work (more dictating)

- less theoretical discussion and more focus on meeting folks

where they are (more dictating

3 How do I react when I think that thought? I get a jolt of fear that

the list owner will decide I'm not doing the job properly and

" fire " me. My head gets very busy trying to figure out how to get

things back " on track " . (Maybe if I say this and this, then they'll

say that and that, and then... Maybe if I set a good example by

doing some of my own Work... Oooh! I could do The Work on my

judgements about my moderating! That'll get 'em back in line!

a Where do I feel it in my body? The old sinking in the belly. Warm

flushing on the back of the neck. Arms and legs feel like jelly.

c Does this thought bring peace or stress into my life? Stress

d What's the worst that could happen if I never have the thought

again, and is that true? The powers that be might decide they want

a more strict moderator and replace me. And then, I'd be

embarrassed. And then, maybe I'd do The Work on my embarrassment,

and the powers that be. I might learn something. That might

actually not be so bad.

Okay. Here's the worst: what if the powers that be didn't like my

moderation, but they *didn't* replace me. What if I found out five

years later that they've been really dissatisfied with me the whole

time, but didn't want to replace me for fear of hurting my

feelings. Then I'd be *really* embarrassed. And then, I'd do The

Work on my embarrassment and how they weren't straight with me, and

I might learn something. That might not be so bad either.

i How do I treat myself when I believe that thought? I pressure

myself...

- to post more worksheets of my own,

- to " police " the list more, and encourage people back toward The

Work,

- to point out periodically that the list is intended to support

doing The Work.

j What do I get out of holding this belief? What's the payoff? I feel

important. I maintain the illusion that I can influence or even

control what people talk about on the list, that I'm somehow

responsible for what gets talked about on the list and whether the

list is " effective " or " successful " . (hmmm... *there's* an

interesting underlying belief -- " The list might fail if I don't do

the right things. " Is that true? No. It feels like pressure and

without that thought, I'd just play on the list with everyone else

and have a great time.)

k What does it cost me? peace of mind, patience with myself,

enjoyment of messages from my friends as I try to judge whether

each one is on or off topic, and whether they're sufficiently off

topic that it's time for me to say something. I miss what's

actually going on because I'm caught up in obsessing over whether

we're on topic.

m Can I see a reason to drop the thought? (but don't try) Yes! peace

of mind, patience with myself, presence to my friends on the list,

are a few reasons.

n Can I see a stress-free reason for keeping the thought? No, it's

all about control, which I find stressful.

4 Who am I without that thought? Present for each message. Peaceful

mind, loving heart, grateful spirit. Smiling and laughing a lot.

Having fun.

5 Turn it around (to self, other, opposite, thinking, being willing,

looking forward)

- The list is keeping itself on topic. (could be -- the list keeps

itself on whatever topic it's on right now.)

- I'm not keeping myself on topic. (not when I post off-topic

messages)

- I'm not a bad moderator. (what do I know?)

- I'm just a moderator, neither good nor bad. (what do I know?)

- I'm a good moderator. (I have pretty much cut out the spam

- I'm not keeping my thinking on topic. (it wanders all over the

place.

- I am willing for the list to be off topic.

- I look forward to the list being off topic. (if I judge the list

off topic and it hurts, I'll inquire)

- I am willing to be thought a bad moderator, by myself or others.

- I look forward to being thought a bad moderator, by myself or

others. (it'll put me back into The Work)

love,

Tom