Guest guest Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 Elena, My ex-husband announced his affair when I was about four months pregnant with our fifth, Quinn, who turns out to have multiple diagnoses, one of which is PMG. Part of his announcement was that our marriage was over and he was leaving. He did. The kids and I live with my folks. The house is not small, but not enormous. I pay rent (they've never asked, but geez, it's the least I can do). Besides having a place to live, my family and the kids' dad's family have been pretty good. Certain folks have been full of judgement and said the oddest things, but his mom moved to be closer to the kids, his brother and sister-in-law have put themselves out there in a million ways, including, sometimes, buying warm clothes when the season was changing and I had no visible means of support. Like (hi, !), it quickly became apparent that to obtain and pay for decent, appropriate care for Quinn would far outstrip my earning ability. (Thankfully the judge agreed.) I'd been homeschooling the older kids when he left (so they could all have more time together and work around his schedule, ironically), and since that's the family standard and it's turned out to have worked well, we're continuing. Single parenting under these circumstances is absolutely the most difficult thing I can imagine doing, unless one were to add in homelessness, a chrinic illness for me, or a war zone. It is bizarre to me how very fragile life is, really. We walk a pretty fine line here between being solvent and relatively intact and having everything fly irrepairably apart. It is incredibly painful to have the man I planned to love forever now occupy this role of opposition to nearly everything I do. (The girlfriend/affair hasn't helped.) The support that Dad, in house, represents, is something not easily explained to those not walking this path, and I don't believe it's valued nearly highly enough by society or individuals. I wish folks undertaking such destruction (abandonment) were forced first to see a movie of the havoc they're about to wreak. It's emotional, physical (Q has major sleep issues which means I do too), financial, societal (when someone has to take up the support that he should have been providing), it plays out in what the kids then expect as reality for their own marriages. It's ridiculous. If people doing this were forced to run a cost/benefit analysis, they couldn't justify it. Anyway, off my soapbox. Elena, I'm sorry that half of your kidlet's family is too stupid to appreciate their role for her. Thinking of you (and wishing you blessings), mom to 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2009 Report Share Posted February 24, 2009 Wow that is horrible that he would blame you. it is no one's fault. we have been given these children so the world can b a better place. at least that is how i look at it. > Hey! > I am just wondering how many of you are single parents dealing with a > special needs child on your own? What made you become a single parent? > How are you managing? Is it better being on your own or was it better > with the other parent? > I understand this is a very personal question but am in a situation > that makes being a single parent very real and am scared to leave > primarily because of my son's needs...... > > ¡Sé el Bello 51 de People en Español! ¡Es tu oportunidad de Brillar! Sube tus fotos ya. http://www.51bello. com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2009 Report Share Posted February 24, 2009 Wow, Mercedes. God bless you and your dear ex-SIL. Amazing how great some people can be and how awful others seem to be determined to be. Best, mom to 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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