Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 Tim, Yes, I hear that I get just what I need. KT says this. If something happens it " should happen " because it did. etc... so is it a strange pick and choose phenomena here? So again if what we hear does not fit our story we choose NOT to hear that part? That confuses me. So I get just what I need and it has nothing to do with me? How does that work? I don't feel responsible for my husband but I am responsible for the feeling of response from me. So if I am treated with confusion in his presence, somehow I must be responsible for the feeling of noticing that confusion, no? I noticed that if I agree with him, then he stays confused and if I protect myself or defend myself, we are both confused. So when in his presence, I try to stay as neutral as possible and be present for him and hear him and agree. Sometimes I would love to verbally let him have it, alas then we are both confused. This is how I see this whole thing. Yes, perhaps being " nice " is a manipulation but it is to stay out of as much confusion as possible. I believe that my husband is addicted to confusion. He loves risky behavior and loves the feeling of " on the edge " because he really " feels " something then. This is what he has said. My kids therapist has said " bi-polar " ! " needs medication! " and many other things, but I see confusion and to be honest, it may be what looks like manipulation but being congenial to him and stepping aside is a way, one that I know now, to avoid more confusion. Lovingly, April Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 In a message dated 11/4/2003 12:33:06 PM Eastern Standard Time, notetoapril@... writes: > Tim, > Yes, I hear that I get just what I need. KT says this. If something > happens it " should happen " because it did. etc... so is it a strange > pick and choose phenomena here? So again if what we hear does not fit > our story we choose NOT to hear that part? > > That confuses me. So I get just what I need and it has > nothing to do > with me? How does that work? Hi April: I'll be interested to hear Steve's answer on this one, but here's my take: KT is not saying " we get just what we need to live a peaceful life. " She says " we get just what we need. " Period. It could be What we need to learn a lesson. What we need to feel secure in our confusion. What we need to continue living our story. What we need to wake us up and kick us out of our stories. We obviously " need " it because we still have it in our lives. And we will only move it out of our lives when we are finished " needing " it. WE determine what we need by the way we continue living with it. Or not. Does this make any sense? Love, Marla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 Dear April, What came up for me while reading your post is that it is impossible to avoid confusion by being 'nice' or making an effort to stay neutral - what I hear is that you are not being true to yourself in order to avoid your husband's reaction - that sounds painful and stressful to me since in my experience any time I am 'trying' to be something rather than noticing my honest reaction and communicating it, I become confused about what it is that I really feel. Do this long enuf and its hard to find your real feelings - you're too busy reacting to the world in a way that you hope will help you to avoid something or get what you want - very confusing. Boy, do I recognise this in myself, did it for most of my life, not so much anymore. You may be right that your husband is addicted to confusion, however, I would suggest that his behavior is not ever the cause of YOUR confusion.. In my experience the only cause possible for my confusion is my attachment to my story (I should be able to figure out your thinking, you should behave in a way that I can understand, etc.). You may find that when you give up the idea that he should be what you want him to be (not addicted to confusion, more understandable, etc.) that you will just notice who he is at the moment and respond accordingly. I suspect that much of your confusion concerning him will end when and if you investigate the story that you should be able to understand ANYTHING about him - or anyone else. Well, that seems a bit more that my 2 cents worth - and just for fun I'll mention that I found myself doing my own work on being in your business April - I notice now that you are doing your own life quite well and that I need not get into your business (about being in your husband's business)! hehehehe! In love April, April wrote: Tim, Yes, I hear that I get just what I need. KT says this. If something happens it " should happen " because it did. etc... so is it a strange pick and choose phenomena here? So again if what we hear does not fit our story we choose NOT to hear that part? That confuses me. So I get just what I need and it has nothing to do with me? How does that work? I don't feel responsible for my husband but I am responsible for the feeling of response from me. So if I am treated with confusion in his presence, somehow I must be responsible for the feeling of noticing that confusion, no? I noticed that if I agree with him, then he stays confused and if I protect myself or defend myself, we are both confused. So when in his presence, I try to stay as neutral as possible and be present for him and hear him and agree. Sometimes I would love to verbally let him have it, alas then we are both confused. This is how I see this whole thing. Yes, perhaps being " nice " is a manipulation but it is to stay out of as much confusion as possible. I believe that my husband is addicted to confusion. He loves risky behavior and loves the feeling of " on the edge " because he really " feels " something then. This is what he has said. My kids therapist has said " bi-polar " ! " needs medication! " and many other things, but I see confusion and to be honest, it may be what looks like manipulation but being congenial to him and stepping aside is a way, one that I know now, to avoid more confusion. Lovingly, April Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 Marla, It does make sense in some ways, however there are some times when I feel like " damn I sure don't need this! " and there it is! LOL April Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 It does make sense Marla. Not to counter anything you said, the words that come to me are, we get what we get. Needing something other than what is, is a story we create, and it always leads to suffering. - Re: Re: Snakes/ -April-Tim In a message dated 11/4/2003 12:33:06 PM Eastern Standard Time, notetoapril@... writes: > Tim, > Yes, I hear that I get just what I need. KT says this. If something > happens it " should happen " because it did. etc... so is it a strange > pick and choose phenomena here? So again if what we hear does not fit > our story we choose NOT to hear that part? > > That confuses me. So I get just what I need and it has > nothing to do > with me? How does that work? Hi April: I'll be interested to hear Steve's answer on this one, but here's my take: KT is not saying " we get just what we need to live a peaceful life. " She says " we get just what we need. " Period. It could be What we need to learn a lesson. What we need to feel secure in our confusion. What we need to continue living our story. What we need to wake us up and kick us out of our stories. We obviously " need " it because we still have it in our lives. And we will only move it out of our lives when we are finished " needing " it. WE determine what we need by the way we continue living with it. Or not. Does this make any sense? Love, Marla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 I have never heard Kt say anything about us getting what we need - I have heard her say that it is painful/stressful to argue with reality (this is different for me than saying I deserve all this since it is happening: let go of the deserve or not deserve, just notice what is happening) I say it should be happening because I notice that it is - no judgement involved - and without the internal struggle (confusion, this shouldn't happen to me, I was being so nice..etc.) I just do what I do in response to what I notice. No story about 'what does this mean', 'have I or have I not co-created this', - all this seems like more fodder for more story to me. I read this morning in LWI the sentence " I learn what I believe about myself by noticing what I believe about you " my judgements that i direct outwards to you are really a reflection of how I see myself...self-love, self-acceptance, self-awareness again all that is possible and all that is necessary. What you see has everything to do with you , nothing else is possible. It begins and ends there for me. marlamp@... wrote: In a message dated 11/4/2003 12:33:06 PM Eastern Standard Time, notetoapril@... writes: > Tim, > Yes, I hear that I get just what I need. KT says this. If something > happens it " should happen " because it did. etc... so is it a strange > pick and choose phenomena here? So again if what we hear does not fit > our story we choose NOT to hear that part? > > That confuses me. So I get just what I need and it has > nothing to do > with me? How does that work? Hi April: I'll be interested to hear Steve's answer on this one, but here's my take: KT is not saying " we get just what we need to live a peaceful life. " She says " we get just what we need. " Period. It could be What we need to learn a lesson. What we need to feel secure in our confusion. What we need to continue living our story. What we need to wake us up and kick us out of our stories. We obviously " need " it because we still have it in our lives. And we will only move it out of our lives when we are finished " needing " it. WE determine what we need by the way we continue living with it. Or not. Does this make any sense? Love, Marla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 Well , that makes it simple because what I see is confusion and I certainly feel it! LOL April Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 In a message dated 11/4/2003 2:06:13 PM Eastern Standard Time, notetoapril@... writes: > > Marla, > It does make sense in some ways, however there are some times when I > feel like " damn I sure don't need this! " and there it is! > LOL > > April Soooooooo, what's the reason for keeping it around? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 In a message dated 11/4/2003 2:12:30 PM Eastern Standard Time, frank.boyd@... writes: > > It does make sense Marla. Not to counter anything you said, the words that > come to me are, we get what we get. Needing something other > than what is, is > a story we create, and it always leads to suffering. - And that's a little confusing to me, , because it reads to me like you are saying " we should need what is " , which puts me right back to square one (when " what is " is the source of confusion in one's life). Is that what you meant, or am I misinterpreting? Marla Marla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 " Soooooooo, what's the reason for keeping it around? " The confusion has been driven out! LOL Whether it be St Patty running the snake out of town, 4 questions and the story of " clarity " , gasoline powering the auto that takes confusion to the highway or the mind that says: I am tired of this story " be off! Have at it! I am done! " . For now there is peace! Lovingly April Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 Hi Marla, Dang, and I thought I was being so clear. ) I'm not saying that we should need what is, I'm saying that it is pointless to entertain the fantasy that I need something which is not. If I'm still in the game of having needs my only hope of having them satisfied is in the context of What Is. We humans entertain the insane notion that we could be fulfilled by what does not exist (fantasy people, circumstances, lives). There is one choice. You can choose What Is, or you can reject it, but to think that you can choose what-is-not is a lie. Choosing what is not (the more considerate lover, the more respectful child, or parent) choosing that is actually rejecting What Is. It's operating inside of a delusion. The concept of me as a separate isolated entity is a figment of the imagination. When I reject What Is, I feel it. I feel the rejection because I am rejecting my Self. There's no one to withhold love from but me. There's no one to give love to but me. There's no one who has ever withheld love from me, but me, in dreams. So, I begin now. I choose What Is, and everything about it. My mantra is: This too. What did I think it was that needed to be loved? Reality is the ultimate lover because it declares everything acceptable and holds it within. " When I'm not confused, What Is, is what I want. " -BK Re: Re: Snakes/ -April-Tim In a message dated 11/4/2003 2:12:30 PM Eastern Standard Time, frank.boyd@... writes: > > It does make sense Marla. Not to counter anything you said, the words that > come to me are, we get what we get. Needing something other > than what is, is > a story we create, and it always leads to suffering. - And that's a little confusing to me, , because it reads to me like you are saying " we should need what is " , which puts me right back to square one (when " what is " is the source of confusion in one's life). Is that what you meant, or am I misinterpreting? Marla Marla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2003 Report Share Posted November 4, 2003 Dear : I loved this statement of yours: " If I'm still in the game of having needs my only hope of having them satisfied is in the context of What Is. " Thanks for that one! Peace/Joy, Steve D. > Hi Marla, > > Dang, and I thought I was being so clear. ) > > I'm not saying that we should need what is, I'm saying that it is pointless > to entertain the fantasy that I need something which is not. If I'm still in > the game of having needs my only hope of having them satisfied is in the > context of What Is. We humans entertain the insane notion that we could be > fulfilled by what does not exist (fantasy people, circumstances, lives). > There is one choice. You can choose What Is, or you can reject it, but to > think that you can choose what-is-not is a lie. Choosing what is not (the > more considerate lover, the more respectful child, or parent) choosing that > is actually rejecting What Is. It's operating inside of a delusion. The > concept of me as a separate isolated entity is a figment of the imagination. > When I reject What Is, I feel it. I feel the rejection because I am > rejecting my Self. There's no one to withhold love from but me. There's no > one to give love to but me. There's no one who has ever withheld love from > me, but me, in dreams. > > So, I begin now. I choose What Is, and everything about it. My mantra is: > This too. What did I think it was that needed to be loved? > > Reality is the ultimate lover because it declares everything acceptable and > holds it within. > > " When I'm not confused, What Is, is what I want. " -BK > > > > Re: Re: Snakes/ -April-Tim > > > > In a message dated 11/4/2003 2:12:30 PM Eastern Standard Time, > frank.boyd@c... writes: > > > > > It does make sense Marla. Not to counter anything you said, the words that > > come to me are, we get what we get. Needing something other > > than what is, is > > a story we create, and it always leads to suffering. - > > > And that's a little confusing to me, , because it reads to me like you > are saying " we should need what is " , which puts me right back to square one > (when " what is " is the source of confusion in one's life). Is that what you > meant, or am I misinterpreting? > > Marla > > Marla > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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