Guest guest Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 When I read Heidi's list of " demands " on the man in her life, I can certainly identify. I'm not dating - not even trying. Not very interested. I have a story that like attracts like and I only want to be with one side of myself *smile* - not interested in attracting yet another addict (work, people, doing). So I learn to be alone as if this is God's greatest gift to me. I return to a place where my darkest terror and incredible beauty reside together without buffers. Realizing that this is what is regardless of what comforting story I make up about " being " with others, I'm ALWAYS alone with myself ultimately. So I've decided to learn how to love being stripped. I figure if I can understand this, then facing anything is nothing. So Christmas morn, I deliciously will be alone. Just me and God. I'm still doing the separate thing - two....or one...then two. I have to laugh because God or my story of God makes him out to be the ideal partner. My story is.... God will never leave me. God will never make someone more special than I. God will never hate me, abandon me, not love me. God is always there, allows me to wander off, and always accepts me when I come back. God listens to everything I say very intently. God answers me in ways that are mysterious and wonderful. God loves the truth about me. God accepts me. God doesn't judge me. I used to think that I wanted a warm body to go with all these traits. I'm not so sure any more. I think I just want to fill myself with the awareness of this is how it is for me. If it's just a story, it's the best story I've ever had and I can't believe how comforting it is so I'm not inquiring on it nor asking anyone to inquire it away - too much pleasure in this one. I am an addict - in need of attaching to something to spare me the abject horror of the nothingness. So for now, I'm figuring this is a safe addiction.....for now..... God First - it's an old spiritual law. If this be the center of who I am in awareness what other story could hold much charm? Blessings to all - Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 " So I learn to be alone as if this is God's greatest gift to me. I return to a place where my darkest terror and incredible beauty reside together without buffers. Realizing that this is what is regardless of what comforting story I make up about " being " with others, I'm ALWAYS alone with myself ultimately. " Jan Carl Jung says we are both sexes, and maturity involves an inner marriage of male and female - then the outer partner becomes an optional extra. Chatting about 'love' on another group, I came up with " Love is when the One looks at Herself thru two pairs of eyes. " Should get me in the book of quotations, don't you think? Love, Tim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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