Guest guest Posted December 29, 2002 Report Share Posted December 29, 2002 Hi Edith, I can so relate to this part of your post. My uncle was here a couple of months ago and he commented that I had been taking care of my mother since I was 8 years old. I was shocked that anyone else had ever seen it. My mother takes many different types of pills. When I was a child it was Valium. When she would get upset about something (usually a man and usually every other week) she would take enough to knock her out and she would stay in bed for a week. I always knew she was " different " and I have never been angry. But again, this had helped me to become an enabler (as shown with my husband and his gambling) and codependent. I have always had issues with control, but I don't feel mine has been directed towards my kids. Mine has been directed towards my house. I used to vacumn everyday, so the carpet would look just right. Right now I'm frustrated. I frustrated with myself that I couldn't find the words to say to my nada this morning to fully express my feelings. And I'm frustrated that I'm still so afraid of this woman that she still controls me so much. I don't know what I'm afraid of. I know she gets angry and cuts people out of her life. She hasn't spoken to my one brother in 2 years. I was thinking this morning that part of me is afraid that I'm like her and if she cuts me out of her life I'll be all alone. But I don't know if that's what drives me to remain tongue tied and immobile when she is around. I've gotten stronger about stating my needs with my husband, which has resulted in a better relationship. I've gotten stronger with my job, my siblings, and my dad. All of which has resulted in good things. But I'm still so afraid of my nada. ARGHHHH! I don't think I went through an anger stage in my recovery?? Perhaps because my nada had already died?? Its like I was born old and had lots of compassion for those who were 'different' -- including my nada. I was enlisted early by her as her caretaker. She had a very painful kidney problem during the first 7 years of my life until she consented to the surgery to have it removed. I think that, in the process of taking care of her during those years, the good part of me, my idealism, was somehow twisted into serving as her enabler (ie, co-dependent). And subsequently it felt comfortable to marry into the same dysfunction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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