losing foo along with nada

[Guest guest]

hi everyone,

happy new year.

Spoke with my brother today who lives in South Africa and within the

next few years will move to another country so he is going to remain

far away, which I'm actually coming to view as a mixed blessing. I

have never been overly close to him, but when we both got married

and had kids we tolerated each other more. I know I was never his

favorite person, we really don't have much in common. I haven't

spoke with my mother since April and as I've posted before she has

sent packages to my kids and I have sent them back and she has in

typical fashion called me on it and became nasty. The situation I

want to write about is this, my brother is coming home for a visit

in the summer and I have an apartment in the basement of my house

that I invited him and his family to stay in, mostly I've been

talking to his wife, who I do get along fairly well with. I've had

this feeling that he wants me to talk to our mother but haven't

spoken with him to confirm this....until today. I called and when

he answered I asked him how his visit was going (nada has been

visiting him since December 19th) he said the visit was really good

and we made some small talk. Then it came out " I'm not mad at you

but I think there is a point where we should all make up with our

mother " He went on to say how he's had serious problems with her,

but he always eventually made up with her. It was hard but I told

him I couldn't do that and that I had made up my mind and that I

respect his opinion but I have to make my own decisions. He then

said " I just don't know how I'm going to come home for a visit and

explain to Casey (my 9 y.o. nephew) that his aunt is not speaking to

his nana " I then said " I'm not going to make up with her because

you are coming home for 3 weeks " He then made it obvious that he is

indeed mad at me and that he felt I should make up with her but that

he did not want to fight with me so he was going to hang up now. I

said goodbye and we hung up.

I KNEW IT!! I was just waiting for the day for him to try and bully

me, now I feel a mix of emotions, mostly relief that I finally know

how he feels. He also said " she doesn't act like a nut in front of

the kids, you should make up for them " I really don't feel the pull

on the heartstrings he feels, I understand how he feels especially

since he's having a nice visit with her, but I just don't feel it.

Feelings for her that I used to have just aren't there anymore. I'm

sure I'm a cold b---- in his mind...oh well...as I said we were

never close anyway.

I'm thinking now that maybe they won't stay here next summer and

honestly, that too would be kind of a relief because I know she

would be omnipresent if not physically, definately in thought. I'm

not going to phone or email him I'm wondering what his or his wife's

next move will be, I'll keep you posted.

As always, thanks for listening. This group is a sanity saver!