Re: Opinions?

[Guest guest]

Doug, this is scarey and everything you mentioned as far as the

screening and supervised access sounds good! Could you move? maybe to

the US where she wouldn't have this kind of power? Have you thought of

therapy for your family and especially to teach your son how to handle

nada? maybe a child psychiatrist or psychologist would intervene on his

behalf?! just some ideas...I know how much you dislike and even hate

nada, but maybe if there's no alternative you could go with him or maybe

he could take a friend with him?

Ilene

Doug wrote:

> Nada demands access to our son, and in our province grandparents have

> the legal right to seek this. Hence nada took legal action. She

> blackmailed us, claiming that she has incriminating tape recordings

> she would play in court if it went that far. She's been tape

> recording our conversations and blackmailing us with them for at

> least five years, so I take her threat seriously. However, I never

> forbade her to see our son. What she recorded was me saying that if

> she sold the house she would never see us (including her grandson)

> again.

>

> We, however, have medical opinions that she has BPD. These are

> unqualified opinions because they were made by a mental health nurse

> and a GP. After receiving a referral from the GP, nada refused a

> psychiatric assessment not once but twice. So her BPD is undiagnosed.

> If this were to go to court we might be able to force a psychiatric

> assessment upon her. But court would be a messy and expensive affair.

> Nada has lots of cash having pulled our home out from under us and

> waltzing away with almost $400,000.

>

> Prior to court action we are required to speak with a family justice

> counselor. With our input she created a draft agreement for access.

> We received the draft on December 31st. It reads as follows, " D "

> being nada and " " my wife:

> *************************************

>

> And where is all parties have mutually agreed to enter into the

> agreement hereinafter set forth:

>

> 1.

> That D shall have access to the above-mentioned child according to

> the following:

>

> On alternate Sundays as mutually agreed upon at least 48 hours in

> advance between the parties.

>

> Access time shall take into consideration the childs scheduled

> activities and availability.

>

> Access shall occur in an environment that is free of smoke and animal

> hair.

>

> Other access as mutually agreed upon between the parties.

>

> 2.

> The transportation of the above-mentioned child shall be shared

> between the parties is arranged by prior mutual agreement.

>

> 3.

> The access exchange shall occur at a neutral places determined in

> advance by prior mutual agreement between the parties.

>

> 4.

> That Doug and agree to facilitate telephone contact on non

> access weekends between the above-mentioned child and D.

>

> 5.

> That D shall have access to the above-mentioned child on his birthday

> and Christmas at times to be determined in advance by mutual

> agreement between the parties.

>

> 6.

> That D shall have the option of having access for one weekend during

> the summer holidays as arranged in advance by mutual agreement

> between the parties.

>

> 7.

> That all parties shall use their best efforts to refrain from any

> behavior that would expose the above-mentioned child conflict between

> the parties.

>

> That both parties to this written agreement have been devised that

> may be in their best interest to seek legal advice, and that they

> have the right to apply for legal aid or retain the lawyer of their

> choice, before setting their signatures to this agreement.

> ***********************************

>

> My wife and I are not happy about points (5) and (6). They must be

> nada demands because the items weren't discussed during our talk with

> the counselor.

>

> We saw nada today and she was as unpleasant as ever. We could barely

> breathe because of her cigarette smoke. She's been through 5

> expensive dogs in less than two years (another story that

> demonstrates her instability). Those animals and the smoke make our

> kid sick. He's allergic to animal hair and is mildly asthmatic.

>

> We are concerned that she will poison our son with her venom. Item

> (7) is supposed to address this but how effective will it be? We

> expressed our concerns over BPD to the counselor but she didn't seem

> to understand its implications.

>

> How would others handle this if, to this point, there was no direct

> evidence that nada has been a " nada " around her grandson? Should we

> seek a court ordered psychiatric assessment? Or demand supervised

> access? Or take our chances? She's really one sick cookie and has

> incredibly poor judgement. She even suggested that occasionally our

> son could travel the 30 km ALONE to her place via public transit

> (he's only 11)!

>

> Thanks for your ears, folks.

>

> Doug

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Ilene,

Yes, it is scary. We are afraid for our son and for the wonderful,

loving relationship we have with him. In British Columbia, the law is

an ass.

We've thought of moving, at least out of province, but it isn't

practical at this time. I work in the telecommunications industry and

leaving my job would be a risk I'm not willing to take.

Therapy for our son is something I will consider. If we must let

she-who-must-not-be-named see him, then it would be preferable if he

had some psychological tools. He could recognise and deal with her

venom. Thank you for this idea.

As for our personal feelings, well, it is very difficult for my wife

and I to remain civil with nada. And yes, perhaps I do hate her. She

has betrayed me many times. Just because she is my mother doesn't

mean that I have to love her.

Doug

> Doug, this is scarey and everything you mentioned as far as the

> screening and supervised access sounds good! Could you move? maybe

to

> the US where she wouldn't have this kind of power? Have you

thought of

> therapy for your family and especially to teach your son how to

handle

> nada? maybe a child psychiatrist or psychologist would intervene

on his

> behalf?! just some ideas...I know how much you dislike and even

hate

> nada, but maybe if there's no alternative you could go with him or

maybe

> he could take a friend with him?

> Ilene

>