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My dad, my mom and I went to see the GP today. It turns out he had

spoken to the neurosurgeon this morning and his conversation with him

was very much like the one we had in his office.

The GP is willing to refer us to another neurologist but has

cautioned us that we may have to wait for 2 months or longer for an

appointment. He said he would try to do what he could to speed up

the process but that neurologists and neurosurgeons are quite busy

and that we'd most likely have to wait for a while. I imagine it

doesn't help that Xmas is around the corner..

He did tell us to visit Toronto General's Emergency department and

try to see if we could see a neurologist sooner. He told us this

was " bucking the system " but that if we felt there was an urgency

about it then we could choose this option.

When I asked his opinion he said he believed we would get the same

opinion from another neurologist but that we had to make the decision

for ourselves. He was very, very supportive.

When questioned about it by the doctor my dad said he just wants to

leave the tumor as it is and doesn't want to put himself through

another MRI and more tests. I don't know why the MRI process was so

frightening for my father but it was.

My sister said she doesn't think going to another hospital's

emergency ward is right because they won't know my father and, if my

father needs to visit an emergency ward he should go to St. Mike's.

She thinks we should just ask the doctor to make an appointment with

another neurologist and wait. If, in the meantime, my dad's symptoms

become more pronounced, we'll take him to emerg. at St. Mike's.

The GP did say that my dad's condition was very precaurious and

complex. He said that Parkinsons, LBD and a brain tumor each on

their own were difficult to deal with but combined they exacerbated

my father's problems exponentially. That may sound obvious to most

but hearing it truly made me realize that my dad may not be with us

for much longer.

I'm so scared of what the future holds for my dad. I want so much to

enjoy his time with us but it's hard to do when he's so fragile and

when he looks so afraid. He tries so hard to " buck up " but I can

tell that he doesn't know what's happening to him.

Thanks for letting me rant like this. I'm crying and typing right

now but I feel much better for having gotten it all out. My husband

and kids are having dinner and I can finally let my guard down

without fearing my kids will see me have a meltdown. I'm not yet in

a position where I can tell them what's happening to their " nonno "

without scaring or confusing them.

Abby

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