Re: Re: new reflections - s reply

December 16, 2002

assertiveness and boundaries seem to be tied together for me. i

struggled with both.

Ilene

eurodudette wrote:

> Well if there is strong evidence that you are not a Nada that is it.

>

> When I think about the nada traits that I picked up, and have tried,

> and mostly successfully to overcome, I see that this is where the

> difference lies. Nadas cannot look at themselves and see how they are

> effecting others. We can.

>

> Another big one for me was assertiveness. My Nada is the internalised

> variety and was the worst possible role model for self esteem and

> assertiveness towards the public at large. When I asserted myself for

> the first time - WOW was I proud of myself. Had a manager screaming

> at me for sticking to my principals on a matter that did not concern

> him. My company was declaring bankruptcy and I refused to place an

> order with a small supplier who did not need the hassel. Told me he

> had never seen such insubordination, amongst other things. At any

> other time that would have turned me into a sniveling nervous wreck,

> but this time I told him I did not want to have the conversation and

> ended up laughing in his face when this caused him to scream louder.

> That felt very good. Its many years ago now but I do enjoy that

> memory, and dealing with blatant abuse has never been an issue since.

> Have developed a way of making the abuser feel very small and

> ridiculous. And I must confess, I enjoy it a little bit too much.

>

> Its conflict with people I like that I want to avoid. If they have no

> redeaming traits (am endlesly forgiving if they do), then its out

> with miss nice guy ;-)

>

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