Josie

[Guest guest]

Dear :

Thank you. I never think that my input is especial, but am honored that it

seems to be helping so many members of this group. They have said so many

times that this group has saved their lives. It has saved my life as well, and

given me something so beutiful to focus on. I thank everyone for that.

is doing much better. She was put on Prednosone and a stron

antibiotic. She insisted on going out to dinner at Swenson's, an icecream shop

that

also serves meals. She ate well and is feeling much better. She is not

coughing anymore and is sleeping now.

I really appreciate your description of your dad's life, strugles and

passing. Your description of his hands being damaged by his diabetes was so

touching. The things that we are reminded of in telling our stories may be the

most

personally important. There was a lot happening around the time of your dad's

passing. I imagine your uncle was your dad's brother. It is good when the

family is able to say their good byes. Our LO's do choose their own time and

their own way, which may not necessarily seem to be our ideal, as in my case.

Acceptance, at least to me, comes as I process all these experiences by writing

them here. Going through the pain, I release it and go on.

I am going through a lot of changes in my life right now, and I deeply

appreciate your support. You are very kind, I feel honored that you told me how

your own dad passed, I didn't know, there are some similarities to my dad's

case.

I see you have accepted your experiences, I imagine I will come to accept

mine given a little time. You always have only kind words for everyone. Thank

you for thinking of me, , hugs,

Josie

[Guest guest]

Josie

My thoughts are with you and . I do hope she gets well soon.

I think you are a star and a lot of people on this site really appreciate your

input. Wanted to tell you about my father's passing. He had had diabetes for

40 years, and it had taken it's toll on him. For the last ten years of his

life, we had lived knowing that he could die at any stage. He had been in and

out of hospital many times over that period.

, my father, had been a very active man, working on the farm and fixing

machinery, doing all sorts of things. You could call him a man extremely adept

with his hands. As a result of diabetes, his hands gradually became useless.

I'm drifting off and reminiscing, sorry.

In April 2001, April Fools Day actually, Dad fell, breaking his hip. He ended

up in hospital again, and was very sick. He was in there for 6 weeks, and

travelled a bit after that looking for alternative therapies, as the medical

profession had seemed to give up in him. He also bought a house in town, this

house. In September 2001 Mum and he moved in here. I managed to get some time

off and spent the 2nd to last week of October with Mum and Dad as it was clear

they weren't coping on an day-to-day basis, and set up some support systems for

them.

My sister was here on the first weekend of November 2001, and she called me on

that Sunday, saying Dad was very sick, she wanted to know whether to get him to

hospital, she was worried that if he went, he wouldn't get out, robbing him of

his last opportunity to spend some time in his new home. We decided it was best

that he went into hospital and as it turned out he did not get out again. My

uncle died on 5 November 2001 and we all went to the funeral, well, all except

Mum and a brother, they stayed with Dad as he was so sick. The funderal for my

uncle was in Rotorua, about 3 1/2 hours away from here, and in between where I

lived and here. It was held on the Friday.

We continued on after the funeral to spend the weekend here. I remember seeing

Dad in Hopsital that Saturday morning and the shock of seeing him as he was,

just couldn't stop crying, despite trying to be strong for him.

Anyway, the point of my story is that all of us had the chance to see him that

Saturday, and we spent some quality time with him. No family stayed with him

that Saturday night. My brother and a cousin went to see him after breakfast

the next morning, and found him dead when they arrived. He had had breakfast

and just drifted off. Neither the people who were sharing his hospital room nor

the staff on duty knew he had died.

I believe death is a deeply personal thing, and he chose his moment, didn't want

anyone to be with him when that happened. I am at peace with his decision, as

in his way he had said his good byes the previous day.

Wanted to tell you that story Josie, and to let you know that I am thinking of

you as you deal in your own way with the struggles of life.

Hugs

[Guest guest]

>

> I wish I had some great insight to give you. The only thing I have

is

> empathy, my prayers, hugs, love. Think that I and all of us here

are thinking of

> you and sending you support.

>

Josie:

You do offer me so much. Everyone on this site is phenomenal.

Actually my best friend told me yesterday that she hates that I never

talk about what is going on with my dad but I feel as if everyone

here just gets it more clearly than anyone who has not experienced

this disease in a loved one does. So I rail on this site precisely

because we all are in this together.

Truly you have been my rock. Never think anything different.

Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby,

One other thing. I recently read an article that said the best

indicator for good care in a nh was not the general things we think of

as good for a nh. How happy the staff is with their job was the best

indicator of how well patients were taken care of. As I went back and

thought about it, the staff at the nh Mom was at were not a happy bunch

and often asked to do double duty or work where they were not happy. I

thought that was an interesting idea and wanted to share it with the

group.

Donna