Re: Re: We/Ours (White Oleander)

March 25, 2003

>My sister used to tell me that out in public with my niece, her

>husband and nada, people would usually assume nada was

>the " mommy/wife " and my sister was an older daughter. Nada LOVED

>that and never corrected anyone. Really, people were probably just

>trying to figure out the whole scene, who was who. Nada would start

>answering the questions " Oh how old is she? " " Has she started

>walking? " etc.. She's a lot like a parasite, a blood sucking

>parasite.

>

Hi -

Wow! That's amazing to me - my mom did the same thing with my son that

yours does with your neice. I always felt petty for being bothered by it.

I felt selfish - but then again my mom's favorite saying was, " The world

doesn't revolve around you " . I'm just now (very slowly) recognizing the

more subtle things she did that were so harmful. The obvious stuff was just

so obvious that I didn't even notice the little things. I guess I was just

so greatful that she wasn't screaming that it never occured to me that her

behaviours during down " happy " times were detrimental as well. I like the

parasite comparison since I always felt like she was sucking the life out of

me.

Also, another thing that she does is claim that she paid for things that I

have/did when she didn't. For instance, my husband and I paid for our own

wedding - it was large and expensive and wonderful. We asked our parents

for nothing. My mom insisted on paying for a few things - (all total at the

very most $800) worth of stuff out of a $10,000.00 wedding. I cannot tell

you how many times I heard about the wedding she paid for. Literally over

and over to anyone who would listen. I never corrected her, but eventually

a year later when she tried to use " paying for my wedding " against me, I had

to remind her how much my wedding actually cost. I beleive she was

genuinely suprised. She actually had convinced herself that she had paid

for my wedding. My husbands parents contributed about $2,500.00 and have

never mentioned it since. Does you nada do that? Thanks! JEN

_________________________________________________________________

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March 25, 2003

Hi,

I wanted to comment along this line. My nada would claim my eldest. She was

" mom " and I was " sis " . She would undermine me when I had to correct my girl.

She'd actually tell her to not listen to me to listen to her. When I tried

to look for a place of my own she would insist on taking me round, and once

I'd find a place, she'd complain or find fault loudly enough to where others

could hear(usually the potential landlord) so much that I'd move on to the

next house!

I finally found a place one day when a friend took me out to look. I moved

on the same day! I HAD to get my daughter out of there! Talk about no

boundaries!

Warm thoughts,

Re: Re: " We/Ours " (White Oleander)

>

> >My sister used to tell me that out in public with my niece, her

> >husband and nada, people would usually assume nada was

> >the " mommy/wife " and my sister was an older daughter. Nada LOVED

> >that and never corrected anyone. Really, people were probably just

> >trying to figure out the whole scene, who was who. Nada would start

> >answering the questions " Oh how old is she? " " Has she started

> >walking? " etc.. She's a lot like a parasite, a blood sucking

> >parasite.

> >

>

> Hi -

>

> Wow! That's amazing to me - my mom did the same thing with my son that

> yours does with your neice. I always felt petty for being bothered by it.

> I felt selfish - but then again my mom's favorite saying was, " The world

> doesn't revolve around you " . I'm just now (very slowly) recognizing the

> more subtle things she did that were so harmful. The obvious stuff was

just

> so obvious that I didn't even notice the little things. I guess I was

just

> so greatful that she wasn't screaming that it never occured to me that her

> behaviours during down " happy " times were detrimental as well. I like the

> parasite comparison since I always felt like she was sucking the life out

of

> me.

>

> Also, another thing that she does is claim that she paid for things that I

> have/did when she didn't. For instance, my husband and I paid for our own

> wedding - it was large and expensive and wonderful. We asked our parents

> for nothing. My mom insisted on paying for a few things - (all total at

the

> very most $800) worth of stuff out of a $10,000.00 wedding. I cannot tell

> you how many times I heard about the wedding she paid for. Literally over

> and over to anyone who would listen. I never corrected her, but

eventually

> a year later when she tried to use " paying for my wedding " against me, I

had

> to remind her how much my wedding actually cost. I beleive she was

> genuinely suprised. She actually had convinced herself that she had paid

> for my wedding. My husbands parents contributed about $2,500.00 and have

> never mentioned it since. Does you nada do that? Thanks! JEN

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> The new MSN 8: smart spam protection and 2 months FREE*

> http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail

>

> To get off the list, send a blank message to

ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & amp; concerns to

ModOasis-owner . & quot;Stop Walking on Eggshells, & quot; a

primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the

table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

March 25, 2003

, I'm glad you got out of there. For yours and your daughters sake. I

literally fled my nada/home on my graduation night with wet hair and

nothing. And after everything she put me through, she managed to convince

me all these years that she just " had bad luck " (with money, relationships,

jobs, friendships) and therefore was alone with nothing - sometimes

homeless. Anyone who had anything - a home, a happy marriage, etc. was

someone with " good luck " who didn't deserve it and should share it with her.

My aunt who went through years of school while working and raising three

kids and running a farm (my god!) to become a neo-natal intensive care nurse

- was " Mrs. Got Rocks " to my mom and she was often angry that my aunt

wouldn't buy her things or give her money. She never says anything about

bad choices or consecuences for her outrageous, often violent behavior. I

really beleived this was just bad luck. Until I grew up and realized that

the reason I have the things I have is becuase I worked for them, made good

decisions and sacrifices. She's so busy being jealous of other people that

she won't look at herself or WHY she has nothing. 30 years later, she still

thinks someone should be handing her everything she wants on a silver

platter. (But even if someone did, it wouldn't be good enough! Oh well.

>

>Reply-To: ModOasis

>To: <ModOasis >

>Subject: Re: Re: " We/Ours " (White Oleander)

>Date: Tue, 25 Mar 2003 13:32:16 -0500

>

>Hi,

>I wanted to comment along this line. My nada would claim my eldest. She

>was

> " mom " and I was " sis " . She would undermine me when I had to correct my

>girl.

>She'd actually tell her to not listen to me to listen to her. When I tried

>to look for a place of my own she would insist on taking me round, and once

>I'd find a place, she'd complain or find fault loudly enough to where

>others

>could hear(usually the potential landlord) so much that I'd move on to the

>next house!

>I finally found a place one day when a friend took me out to look. I moved

>on the same day! I HAD to get my daughter out of there! Talk about no

>boundaries!

>Warm thoughts,

>

> Re: Re: " We/Ours " (White Oleander)

>

> >

> > >My sister used to tell me that out in public with my niece, her

> > >husband and nada, people would usually assume nada was

> > >the " mommy/wife " and my sister was an older daughter. Nada LOVED

> > >that and never corrected anyone. Really, people were probably just

> > >trying to figure out the whole scene, who was who. Nada would start

> > >answering the questions " Oh how old is she? " " Has she started

> > >walking? " etc.. She's a lot like a parasite, a blood sucking

> > >parasite.

> > >

> >

> > Hi -

> >

> > Wow! That's amazing to me - my mom did the same thing with my son that

> > yours does with your neice. I always felt petty for being bothered by

>it.

> > I felt selfish - but then again my mom's favorite saying was, " The world

> > doesn't revolve around you " . I'm just now (very slowly) recognizing the

> > more subtle things she did that were so harmful. The obvious stuff was

>just

> > so obvious that I didn't even notice the little things. I guess I was

>just

> > so greatful that she wasn't screaming that it never occured to me that

>her

> > behaviours during down " happy " times were detrimental as well. I like

>the

> > parasite comparison since I always felt like she was sucking the life

>out

>of

> > me.

> >

> > Also, another thing that she does is claim that she paid for things that

>I

> > have/did when she didn't. For instance, my husband and I paid for our

>own

> > wedding - it was large and expensive and wonderful. We asked our

>parents

> > for nothing. My mom insisted on paying for a few things - (all total at

>the

> > very most $800) worth of stuff out of a $10,000.00 wedding. I cannot

>tell

> > you how many times I heard about the wedding she paid for. Literally

>over

> > and over to anyone who would listen. I never corrected her, but

>eventually

> > a year later when she tried to use " paying for my wedding " against me, I

>had

> > to remind her how much my wedding actually cost. I beleive she was

> > genuinely suprised. She actually had convinced herself that she had

>paid

> > for my wedding. My husbands parents contributed about $2,500.00 and

>have

> > never mentioned it since. Does you nada do that? Thanks! JEN

> >

> > _________________________________________________________________

> > The new MSN 8: smart spam protection and 2 months FREE*

> > http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail

> >

> > To get off the list, send a blank message to

>ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & amp; concerns to

>ModOasis-owner . & quot;Stop Walking on Eggshells, & quot; a

>primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For

>the

>table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

> >

March 25, 2003