time to remind myself that I am NOT nada

[Guest guest]

I am not a nada because:

I comfort my kids when they cry.

I don't rage over spilled milk.

I don't expect perfection.

I let my kids decorate the Christmas tree the way they wanted (and didn't care

that it wasn't totally coordinated)

I let my kids have their own opinions

The house is not spotless and I am not freaked out.

Any one else have something to add?

Hania

[Guest guest]

Yes You are not Nada because you are actually pondring if you have Bp traits!!!!

Hugs,

time to remind myself that I am NOT nada

[Guest guest]

How about...you aren't a nada because you accept responsibility for your

actions

you aren't a nada because you are on this list!

Ilene

Hania wrote:

> I am not a nada because:

>

> I comfort my kids when they cry.

>

> I don't rage over spilled milk.

>

> I don't expect perfection.

>

> I let my kids decorate the Christmas tree the way they wanted (and

> didn't care that it wasn't totally coordinated)

>

> I let my kids have their own opinions

>

> The house is not spotless and I am not freaked out.

>

> Any one else have something to add?

> Hania

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

How about this one........

I'm not a nada because:

I wonder if I'm a nada.

SmileS!

Carol

Hania wrote:

> I am not a nada because:

>

> I comfort my kids when they cry.

>

> I don't rage over spilled milk.

>

> I don't expect perfection.

>

> I let my kids decorate the Christmas tree the way they wanted

(and didn't care that it wasn't totally coordinated)

>

> I let my kids have their own opinions

>

> The house is not spotless and I am not freaked out.

>

> Any one else have something to add?

[Guest guest]

I don't threaten suicide when I don't get my way.

I don't use FOG to get my way.

I don't expect others to take care of me all the time.

I let my kids be who they are and I don't expect them to stay with me always.

time to remind myself that I am NOT nada

I am not a nada because:

I comfort my kids when they cry.

I don't rage over spilled milk.

I don't expect perfection.

I let my kids decorate the Christmas tree the way they wanted (and didn't care

that it wasn't totally coordinated)

I let my kids have their own opinions

The house is not spotless and I am not freaked out.

Any one else have something to add?

Hania

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim!

I could sooooo relate to this! Nada would be around my little family, and

be upset. Couldn't figure out WHAT her problem was till much later when I

found out about BPD. Now I can see how my closeness had upset her. In my

family( I mentioned this before) we have a way of pulling one-liners, or

jokes, from comedies and running with it. One would start and then we were

off!! lol Since nada didn't watch the movies we did she would be out of the

loop. Instead of seeing our happiness and being glad for us, she was angry

and resentful. To the point where she didn't want my daughters along when we

went shopping or whatever. I refuse to leave my children behind for her or

anyone! If nada could she would have divided my little family in a heart

beat! There was no one to help me but that doesn't mean that I won't be

there for mine even in she is my mother! My children come first, that's

healthy.

Warm thoughts,

Re: time to remind myself that I am NOT nada

>

> > I am not a nada because:

> >

> > I comfort my kids when they cry.

> >

> > I don't rage over spilled milk.

> >

> > I don't expect perfection.

> >

> > I let my kids decorate the Christmas tree the way they wanted (and

> didn't care that it wasn't totally coordinated)

> >

> > I let my kids have their own opinions

> >

> > The house is not spotless and I am not freaked out.

> >

> > Any one else have something to add?

> > Hania

> >

> >

> Hania,

>

> This is me, this is my way of life with my children which is probably

> why my NADA is so freaked out. She does not get the attention in my

> house my children do.

>

> My children have always come first, there have been times when I have

> had to fight with myself to NOT OPEN MY MOUTH to my 11yr old son over

> silly things. Sure my mother would do so in an instant, but I try

> very hard to stay relaxed with him + the rest of my gang. Maybe the

> reason my nada is so freaked out is because I am not her, nor am I

> her mother. We all had to start from scratch and learn from nothing

> but books and therapy. Thank goodness the behavior is not repeating

> itself, no matter how hard children/teens can be~

>

> In a way however I think that I have been overly generous with my

> children and rules only because my nada was so strict.

>

> I am with you on the parenting! Thanks for sharing~

>

> Kim

>

>

>

> To get off the list, send a blank message to

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ModOasis-owner . & quot;Stop Walking on Eggshells, & quot; a

primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the

table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I am not a nada because:

>

> I let my kids decorate the Christmas tree the way they wanted (and

didn't care that it wasn't totally coordinated)

>

> The house is not spotless and I am not freaked out.

>

> Any one else have something to add?

> Hania

My nada had to have the " perfect " Christmas trees too! Every year

she would change the " color scheme. " One year it had to be all blue,

the next all white etc.. She would never hang up any of our " craft "

decorations from school on it either. How silly! Who was she trying

to impress Santa? haha

Our house also had to be immaculate. She vaccuumed like 10 times a

day! Saturday mornings bright and early I was always awakend by the

vaccuum cleaner smashing into furniture and her screaming " this house

is filthy! get up and help me now. " Then when I didn't move fast

enough or act excited about it, I was lazy, stupid and a slob. It

was so hard for me to organize anything, now I know it was the whole

ADD thing, but nada thought it was just me being lazy, so I used to

get in so much trouble over that.

I'm not a nada because I don't curse out innocent telemarketers

before slamming the phone down on them!

I also don't drive like a maniac and flip people off at every turn!

I genuinlly like other people and don't judge other's just because

they do things differently or make mistakes.

I have not " washed my hands of her, " made her " dead to me, " and I do

not HATE like she does.

I'm a peacful person.

[Guest guest]

Now I can see how my closeness had upset her. In my

> family( I mentioned this before) we have a way of pulling

one-liners, or

> jokes, from comedies and running with it. One would start and then

we were

> off!! lol Since nada didn't watch the movies we did she would be

out of the

> loop. Instead of seeing our happiness and being glad for us, she was

angry

> and resentful. To the point where she didn't want my daughters along

when we

> went shopping or whatever.

Oh, . Do I relate. I am one of four sibs. We are on good

terms but not what you would call close as adults (I'm the youngest at

47). And I realize now that our lack of closeness is something that's

been very carefully manufactured. Like you, when we would get together

as a family, we sibs would (horror of horrors) occasionally go off on

a riff about a popular movie, or a book we'd all read, or a person we

knew--in other words, NOT FOCUS ON NADA. There would be stony silence

from her and then she'd disappear into the kitchen, where we would

become uncomfortably aware of the loud crashing and banging of pots

and pans. She was " washing up, " but if we slunk into the kitchen to

offer to help, we'd find her in an icy rage about how selfish,

self-centered, and altogether despicable we were. She had no family.

She had no children. Etc. Our choice was either to leave then (this

was generally on a holiday--merry christmas, right) or spend the rest

of the evening wildly sucking up to her to try to get her back on her

rightful throne as queen of the universe. Same thing when I would try

to have a conversatiow with my dad. She'd instantly find some pretext

to call me out of the room. God forbid I shoudl have a relationship

with him. A few months ago I went home for my college reunion (I live

500 miles from her now). I engineered a siblings-only lunch while we

were there. She sulked about that for two weeks and then took an

overdose of sleeping pills. She's ok, but with a cracked tailbone from

the spill she took. And in answer to Dan's question about " do they

mellow with age? " She's 82. She's not got the fight and energy she

used too, so in a sense she's easier to deal with. But the basic

makeup hasn't ever changed. We (sibs) have, though. We do what we have

to do to be able to sleep at night, and otherw