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Re: Ya Yas

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I read the book (Ya-Ya Sisterhood) a while ago. It was enjoyable,

but the mother was quite different from mine.

I enjoyed the French film " Tatie le " . It is a comedy about an

older NPD woman who causes havoc for everyone around her. She

finally meets a younger woman of the same sort, they deserve each

other and lock horns, and in the end they actually like each other.

This wouldn't happen with my mother. Anyone like her, she splits

them to all good as long as they worship her, and when that ends they

become all bad.

My mother could never say " forgive and forget " . She never forgave

anything, even things she imagined. She never forgot anything except

things that make her look bad. She never had fun, and always rained

on everyone else's fun. A film about her kind of BPD/NPD would be

very depressing.

As an example of things she imagined and did not forget, she believes

I tried to kill my sister when I was 6 - I don't remember it, my

sister doesn't remember it, my mother didn't see it, she only heard

from a neighbor that I was jumping on my sister and interpreted that

to mean I was trying to kill her out of jealousy. She threw that one

in my face this year to prove how violent I am - half a century later!

- Dan

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Dan wrote:

>

>

> As an example of things she imagined and did not forget, she believes

> I tried to kill my sister when I was 6 - I don't remember it, my

> sister doesn't remember it, my mother didn't see it, she only heard

> from a neighbor that I was jumping on my sister and interpreted that

> to mean I was trying to kill her out of jealousy. She threw that one

> in my face this year to prove how violent I am - half a century later!

>

> - Dan

Dan, it's amazing how nadas bring up these incidents after so many years!

That's similar to my parents trying to say I was violent enough that I'd tr=

y to

drown my brother. When I've been fogged into wondering about that, I've

remembered times they left us alone together while they went out – and ther=

e

were many – and how I made sure he was okay, and he still survived being

alone with me despite that I was supposedly such a violent kid. Almost the =

last

time I saw nada, she reminded me how I hit a distant cousin because he'd

taken a toy of mine. My cousin and I were both around a year old, but nada =

has retold the tale so often, always to rub in the point that I was so aggr=

essive.

The woman may be a nut, but it's still not a comfortable feeling to know my=

parents thought I could actually want to drown my brother, but if they were=

insane enough, or malicious enough, or felt guilty enough to need to believ=

e

that says plenty about them but very little about me. :-)

A

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I saw the movie at Thanksgiving. I'm not sure what I thought of it. I wasn't

sure when I read the book. You're right about the happy ending. I don't

remember it being so trite in the book. In my opinion it just skimmed the

surface of all that went on.

Ya Yas

Did anybody see this movie? My daughters and I watched it the other

night...mom was certainly a BP to start with, but gee Hollywood turned

it into she was sick and nows she's better and I love you mom. It was a

good movie, but my kids never understand why I find these movies with

the happily ever after endings so invalidating! I also never had any of

the fun times with my nada that the movie showed...I'm not sure my nada

knew how to have fun. Anyone else have an opinion?

Ilene

hnjstaff@... wrote:

> I forgive you for laughing. We've all done it before. You hit the

> nail on the head with the Internet. She gets on these lists for

> awhile. Then they make her mad. So she sends in a post which usually

> gets everyone up in arms. Emails start flying offlist for awhile.

> After awhile they realize that my nada is always front and center when

> this happens. Someone will post to that affect. My nada will then

> move to a different list.

>

> Now that you mention it, I remember other nadas pulling the " nowhere

> to stay " act. Someones nada did it when they had a baby. I'm sure my

> brother will back me up. I just dread the road that we are headed down.

>

>

> >

> >

> > , it's Beth (thisismykarma) again. I shouldn't be sitting

> here laughing, but I am. Easy enough when it's someone else's nada,

> right??? Thank God my nada never learned to use the Internet...I can

> just imagine the new (loving, caring, understanding) best friends

> she'd make via e-mail that she could then compare to her (selfish,

> uncaring, cold) children. Briefly, of course, until she alienated the

> new best friends.

> And the " nowhere to stay " thing is just so ludicrous, and so

> classic. No, by God, if she can't stay with her own flesh and blood

> and make your life a living hell, she just won't come at ALL. That'll

> show you!

> I hope your brother will back you up and send her a list of area

> hotels. Be strong--don't keel in to this nonse

>

>

>

>

>

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