Re: conversations that leave me thinking...

[Guest guest]

Kath:

You are not just a good daughter - you're awesome!

I read your post twice and am still amazed with all that is on your

plate. I don't know how you do it and work full time! I know you

have a caregiver for your mom but it sounds like she relies almost

entirely on you anyway.

You have made such excellent choices for your mom and she is home now

in spite of the hallucinations and Parkinsons because of your efforts

to make her life better. You deserve so much affirmation because we

all know how hard that is and what that does to people who love those

afflicted with LBD.

I know you wonder about whether you should have told your mom about

how things aren't going to get better for her. Here's me straight-

shooting: she won't remember and will probably tell you again

tomorrow that the pills are what is making her sick. Please don't

take this the wrong way but the LBD is a stronger force than you so

please don't beat yourself up about this. Besides, as you said in

your post, she had already been told and had forgotten since then so

you have proof that it won't be present to bother her forever.

Moreover, you were being honest and, while that isn't always the

nicest or the easiest alternative, it is most often best in the long

run. Lastly, I know your honesty came from a good place and that

your love for your mom rings through in all your posts so I don't

think you'd ever do anything to intentionally hurt your mom. Thus,

I'm forbidding you to second guess yourself in this instance.

Hope some of this helps you remember what a phenomenal difference you

are making in your mom's life.

Abby

[Guest guest]

Dear Kath:

You really have a handle on the situation. You are an excellent daughter. I

am sure your mom is extremelly proud of you. She still understands how you

care for her, since you are the one she calls when she needs help, or just to

talk.

I think you should take care of the POW asap. You should definetelly have

it. You are the one that knows what is going on and what is going to happen.

You and your siblings should, and it looks like they will, get together on

this. How much does your aunt know about the disease and the prognosis? Can

she

make the right desicion when the time comes? The main beneficiaries to your

mom's estate will be her children and you should be able to make the financial

desicions as well.

You are doing an excellent job with your mom because you care so much. She

knows this. It is good that your brother agrees with you and at least will be

able to help getting your siblings behind your desicions. Make sure you call

him back and talk to him when he has not been drinking. Give him the agenda

that you want and make him follow through with the POW and your siblings. Call

him back as needed to keep him on track.

Go for it! I'll be praying for you. Hugs,

Josie

[Guest guest]

Kath:

You wrote:

>The truth is that mom can only stay home as long as I am willing to do what

I do, no matter who has power of attorney, because I am the only one willing

to put in the time it requires to do that.

>That is the bottom line.

Amen!

>I am a good daughter even if I don't do everything right.

Damned Straight!

Still can't help being a bit miffed at your siblings and aunt. Hang in

there Kath and you are doing a fantastic job - more than your share.

Courage

[Guest guest]

Kath,

Yes, you are a good daughter, even with unreasonable people and

unreasonable situations!

And you are normally fustrated as most of us have been in helpless

situations.

Hang in there. I think we get rewarded in another lifetime.

Donna

[Guest guest]

Thank you Abby. I know she will forget and that telling the truth even

though it hurts is the only thing I can do. I wouldn't intentionally hurt

her, but rather wanted her to understand why I feel taking the pills is so

important. Even if she wont remember tomorrow, I guess I wanted to

understand that I am trying hard to do what is the best for her right now.

She does rely on me so much. My brother said something profound last night.

He said that all the conversations he has had with her have been recently

have been " up " . I told him that was not the case for me. I get all the

complaints, the times when she is upset and scared and frustrated etc. and

he said " that's because you're her mother " . Yes, I am, I replied.

I appreciate all that you have said. I do love her with all my heart. And

I thought Dad's dying was tough.

Kath

Re: conversations that leave me thinking...

> Kath:

>

> You are not just a good daughter - you're awesome!

>

> I read your post twice and am still amazed with all that is on your

> plate. I don't know how you do it and work full time! I know you

> have a caregiver for your mom but it sounds like she relies almost

> entirely on you anyway.

>

> You have made such excellent choices for your mom and she is home now

> in spite of the hallucinations and Parkinsons because of your efforts

> to make her life better. You deserve so much affirmation because we

> all know how hard that is and what that does to people who love those

> afflicted with LBD.

>

> I know you wonder about whether you should have told your mom about

> how things aren't going to get better for her. Here's me straight-

> shooting: she won't remember and will probably tell you again

> tomorrow that the pills are what is making her sick. Please don't

> take this the wrong way but the LBD is a stronger force than you so

> please don't beat yourself up about this. Besides, as you said in

> your post, she had already been told and had forgotten since then so

> you have proof that it won't be present to bother her forever.

> Moreover, you were being honest and, while that isn't always the

> nicest or the easiest alternative, it is most often best in the long

> run. Lastly, I know your honesty came from a good place and that

> your love for your mom rings through in all your posts so I don't

> think you'd ever do anything to intentionally hurt your mom. Thus,

> I'm forbidding you to second guess yourself in this instance.

>

> Hope some of this helps you remember what a phenomenal difference you

> are making in your mom's life.

>

> Abby

>

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Okay I am crying now. I guess I really needed to hear it, that I am making

the right decisions and that I am doing the right things. It is a heavy

load to carry most of the time, but seeing that I don't have choice (none of

us do) I will pick myself up and go on as always. I see something special

for myself in my future...perhaps a massage...

Thanks Courage for your kind words.

Kath

Re: conversations that leave me thinking...

> Kath:

> You wrote:

> >The truth is that mom can only stay home as long as I am willing to do

what

> I do, no matter who has power of attorney, because I am the only one

willing

> to put in the time it requires to do that.

> >That is the bottom line.

> Amen!

>

> >I am a good daughter even if I don't do everything right.

> Damned Straight!

>

> Still can't help being a bit miffed at your siblings and aunt. Hang in

> there Kath and you are doing a fantastic job - more than your share.

> Courage

>

>

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well that's another way to think of it and I like it. I have often said

that I must have been a " bad person " in another life...I would rather think

your thought...sort of a " pay it forward " thing...

Thanks Donna.

Kath

Re: conversations that leave me thinking...

> Kath,

>

> Yes, you are a good daughter, even with unreasonable people and

> unreasonable situations!

>

> And you are normally fustrated as most of us have been in helpless

> situations.

>

> Hang in there. I think we get rewarded in another lifetime.

>

> Donna

>

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

>